How Do You Deal with A Difficult Situation?
When someone is faced with a difficult situation, this presents us with a critical moment.
If today someone begins to harass you, to get in your face, appearing immensely agitated and perhaps looking for a fight, how will you react?
Some of us will be inclined to get back in their face and yell or argue. Others will try to calm that person down and avoid making it worse. Others may avoid the situation, perhaps backing up and apologizing, and look to remove themselves from the environment. Some people, of course, may react with fear and feel frozen, especially if the person that begins to harass you is much bigger.
If you have never experienced such a thing where an angry person confronted you and they yelled and desired to intimidate you, then that is fantastic. But unfortunately, this is something that can and does happen among colleagues, spouses, friends, and even strangers.
I have learned that when we face any difficult situation, we must deal with the immediate situation. If your mind is somewhere else, or if you panic, you can easily make things worse rather than help to improve the situation.
Something we should consider in these difficult situations is this:
Will my response make things worse?
Most of us are not used to thinking of that because if you get into an ordinary argument with a friend or spouse, you already know based on prior squabbles what the results will probably be. Perhaps you will get angry, yell, then calm down and talk it over to try to find a solution. Since most life situations have some predictability, you may assume that they will unfold similarly to your past situations have unfolded when you are in a new situation.
However, the reality may be that you do not actually know your colleagues that well, or that you do not truly know some people as well as you think you do, or that you cannot possibly predict how a stranger will react to something you do.
When we realize we are in a new and difficult situation, we should have the proper mindset to figure out the situation efficiently. The right mindset may proceed like this:
Pause – take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening. For example, you do not need to feel angry, scared, or defensive – you can see with clear eyes what is happening because you do not need to immediately react (unless you are actually attacked, then you would need to react).
Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse. Are you just being provoked into getting angry because this individual would like to fight you? Does it truly matter who is right or wrong right now when you are both just getting more agitated? This point is crucially important.
I have observed that when people find themselves in a difficult situation, they often take actions that make the problem worse somehow or that present them with many new problems to deal with. Basically, when you find yourself in difficult situations, you can easily become your own biggest enemy. Do your best to avoid having this happen.
Can you do something to deescalate this situation? Is it an option to apologize or listen and try to understand rather than to react or contradict every statement the other person makes? If the other person is highly irritated and on the verge of wanting to fight, this may not be the best time to discuss things rationally. Perhaps that can wait for another time.
If attempts to deescalate are not working, can you try to get someone else (e.g., a colleague or friend) to help you gain control of the situation?
If you cannot deescalate nor get someone to help you, can you leave the situation?
If you cannot immediately leave the situation, can you defend yourself or present a distraction that will help you escape?
If you cannot defend yourself or prepare for an escape, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box. (This is an important step because every situation will be different, and you may need to find unique solutions for your particular situation.)
Although we have explored this scenario where someone approaches you that is irritated, angry, and in your face, I would also like us to consider that there are actually infinite possible difficult scenarios that we can find ourselves in. Fortunately, the general mindset illustrated above can work for anything. I will rephrase it in a more general way that could be applied to virtually any scenario:
Pause - take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening
Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse.
Can you do something to improve the situation?
If attempts to improve the situation are not working, can you get help?
If you cannot get help, is there a way to leave the situation?
If you cannot leave the situation immediately, can you manage or control it while you wait for help, or can you look for a way to leave the situation?
If not, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box.
The next time you face a difficult situation, try to adopt the above mindset or series of thought processes out. Most of us do not have a general plan in place for dealing with difficult situations. But the reality is that we will all face key situations in our lives sooner or later.
Are you mentally ready for it?
