7 Inspirational Life Lessons We Can All Learn From Oliver James (The Man Who Struggles with Reading)

Introducing Oliver James

Oliver James is a TikTok (and #BookTok) sensation, motivational speaker, and personal trainer.

In his TikTok videos, Oliver often introduces himself by saying “I’m a 34-year-old man who struggles with reading.” However, it wasn’t long ago that he would say “I can’t read.”

He opens up about many deep struggles he has gone through with learning to read and his mental health. His story has been so inspiring that he ended up being featured on ABC’s Good Morning America, the Rachael Ray Show, NPR, and other major outlets.

The way I came to learn about Oliver may surprise you — after all, it surprised me. Oliver’s partner gave him a book that I compiled, titled 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By. It was the first book he ever owned, which was the beginning of his journey of learning to read better.

Oliver James, Tiktok sensation, motivational speaker, and personal trainer holding up "365 Quotes to Live Your Life By".

Often, he would read one or two quotes from the book while doing a workout session. Since the quotes are short, he did not need to spend too much time on them. Importantly, with this book, he had no excuse to avoid reading. There are at least 10 videos where he reads from the 365 Quotes book while he does a workout or after he reflects on his challenges with learning to read.

As 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By inspired Oliver, I was also inspired the more I learned about his story, and the more I realized how much of an effect a single book could have on someone.

As I browsed his videos, I was amazed at who this person is and what he has accomplished, and the shining path that he is illuminating in front of him. I’ve seen most of his videos at this point, and they are truly inspiring.

Oliver James has a greater depth of wisdom and understanding in him that is perhaps not apparent at first glance.

It’s easy to assume in this life that we know better than someone else because we have more education, financial resources, a better social network, status, or whatever it may be. But I will continue to tune in to see what Oliver is doing because I know that this is just the beginning. And I know that I and many others can learn from his struggle, experience, and the insights he shares.

Below are 7 Inspirational life lessons we can all learn from Oliver James, the man who struggles with reading (and who used to say “I can’t read”). To be clear, some of this post involves information I learned from his TikTok videos (@oliverspeaks1), including his words, and some of this is my elaboration or further thoughts on what he has said or done.

1) Start somewhere – Take the initiative.

A theme I’ve noticed in my own life, and the lives of many people lately is that just starting anything seems incredibly challenging. It’s common to build something up in our heads as being more difficult than it has to be. Then we may find ourselves thinking about starting, or talking about starting, but not actually doing it.

However, thinking about something without acting on it can be futile. If you want to help someone, go out and help them. If you want to make a change to better your life, then take a step toward that. Whatever it is you want to do, make sure you are taking action. A thought, even if it is positive, hopeful, or useful, can only take you so far when it comes to improving yourself.

The question is: What gives us that spark, that drive, or initiative? In Oliver’s case, he realized something. He saw that he would not be the best model for his kids if he could not read. Why would Oliver expect his son to be a great reader and achieve his dreams if he didn’t focus on this himself?

Ultimately, he saw that his life was not going in the right direction and all the difficulties that he was going to continue to have if he could not read. Oliver understood the pain that not knowing how to read well was causing him and the people around him, and he wanted to change that.

This type of realization can be a key motivator for any of us. When we see the pain we are causing and perpetuating, it is natural to want to stop this and embark on a new and better path. This is when you become empowered, find the courage within, and take action toward your goals.

Whatever it is that provides that spark in us, we need to tune into that if we ever expect to take major actions in our lives that lead to improvement.

What is so important in your life that you can’t afford to turn away from it any longer? Like Oliver, we have to see that for what it is and get started somewhere.

2) Work on your goals in your way.

Oliver’s goal for 2023 is to read 100 books. That would be quite an impressive feat, wouldn’t it?

Well, in one of his videos, Oliver discusses how some people don’t think he will be able to read 100 books in a year. Many people who read regularly, after all, still do not read 100 books in a year. And he is still learning and struggling. But Oliver knows that the goals other people set for themselves do not matter, or whatever opinion they may have about his goals also do not matter.

This is his personal goal that he has set for his reasons, and he will attempt to achieve this in a way that works for him. It may involve reading children’s books, or simpler books, as he isn’t trying to fulfill this goal in any way other than what works for him.

Oliver says, “If you set a goal, and you’re doing it at your pace, and you’re doing it for you, that’s all that matters.”

Often, we work on goals that someone else set out for us, in the way that they want us to work on them. This means we work on them in ways that don’t necessarily make us happy or that don’t allow us to function at our highest potential. Rather, we should listen to Oliver and tackle our goals in our way, for our own reasons.

Keep in mind that if Oliver was concerned with learning to read how other people say he should, perhaps he never would have gotten started. Conventional wisdom may say that you should start with a tutor, with a class, or with a particular kind of software or system meant for learning to read. But it seems Oliver decided that the most important thing was to get started and to read in the way that appealed to him and where he was able to get something done.

His partner gave him 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By, and he decided he would take it on his workouts, drives, and wherever he was going, and he would read a quote or two when he had the chance. Many people may say that this isn’t the right way. But it doesn’t matter, as long as Oliver is reading in the way that works for him.

To summarize, Oliver realized that to change his life, and keep himself from feeling stuck, he would need to learn to read. That motivated him to take the initiative. Then he worked on his goals his way, as he understood that this was the only way he would ever learn to read. What works for other people won’t necessarily work for him, so he didn’t concern himself with that.

When you have an important life goal, ask if you are approaching this in the best way that works for you, or if you have allowed too many people to tell you how you should be approaching this. Then, is their input helping, or is it just holding you back?

If their input is holding you back, consider Oliver’s next tip.

3) Don’t listen to the people who focus on the negative. Don’t let them restrict your potential.

One of Oliver’s TikTok videos shows a young woman who makes extremely negative and hurtful remarks when someone asks if she would date someone who could not read.

He responds to her hurtful words, as he wants his audience to learn a lesson here: “People’s words, they don’t mean nothing. Don’t let nobody label you. You are as smart as you think you are. Don’t worry about what anybody else says.”

As I already mentioned, when you have a goal, some people may criticize that the goal isn’t the right one, or that it is unrealistic. When people find out that you are not skilled at something, they may attack your intellect, ability, or motivation. Of course, regardless of what we choose to do in this life, there will be critics.

Constructive criticism can be useful and help us to make progress, but when someone is negative and hurtful without any purpose behind it, that is something that we have no reason to allow into our lives.

I am grateful to hear that Oliver does not allow the negativity to distract him from his purpose. He knows he wants to learn to read better, that he must get better at reading to improve his life, and that there is no reason to allow some negative comments to derail his plans. His plans are bigger than that.

Oliver took the initiative of getting started to read, and he focused on learning in his way, but he must also push through any negativity that others use to try to make themselves feel superior, or to doubt his potential, even if it may be well-intentioned in some cases.

We must retain our power of being able to clear the mind, stay focused, and know that we are capable of getting to where we need or want to be. Don’t allow the negativity to steer you off course, or to limit what you are truly capable of.

Redirect your focus onto the larger goal here, whatever that is in your life.

4) Pursue something that challenges you, and stop avoiding it.

One of my favorite things that Oliver says is “What hard and challenging thing are you doing for you that might make you a better you?”

Most of us know that challenge is a part of life, and it doesn’t help you to always seek comfort. You get tougher, stronger, and better by pursuing challenges. But the reason these words were so special is the person who says them.

Oliver was placed in special education as a child and treated abusively. He served over three years of his life in prison because through a lack of knowledge, he didn’t realize that trafficking weapons was a crime. He suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. He spent most of his life being functionally illiterate. In his own words, reading saved his life.

Perhaps it is cliché to say, but this is a person who seems like he would be a statistic, a cautionary tale. Rather, he has transformed his experiences into an inspiration for the world, and more importantly, he is learning to read so that he can be a better person, and hopefully make progress on his issues and ultimately accomplish his dreams.

When a person with such life experiences speaks to you, even if through a TikTok video, the words shine in a truly meaningful way. He isn’t coming from a place of judgment. Rather, it’s just an honest assessment — if Oliver James is pushing himself to learn to read, then we can all do something that challenges us every day.

Some of his personal challenges include mental health issues, a learning disability, and of course, not knowing how to read well. There is an even more fundamental issue in his life that interfered with his ability to learn to read, but we will discuss that in our next point.

Despite all the challenges he faces every day, he urges his audience to pursue a challenge in their lives and to seek to become better.

Oliver went most of his life avoiding reading, and as soon as he decided to face the challenge head-on, to always keep a book on him, and to stop making excuses, his life began to change. This is the second part of this lesson.

We must stop avoiding that challenging part of our lives that we don’t want to deal with.

This is the part where you may ask – How can I get the courage? Where can I start? Who can help? All of these types of questions are the exact reason it is a challenge. There is no simple road map to show you the way. Don’t you think Oliver went 34 years of his life wondering the same thing? Don’t you think he stopped and wondered who was going to come and help him? In one of his videos, he discusses realizing that no one was coming to save him. He was going to have to do it himself.

In time, he has gained so much support and fans, but it began with him choosing to work on his goals for himself. He stopped trying to avoid and escape the challenge, and instead decided to pursue it. No one else could do that for him.

We should all be willing to dive deep into a challenge in our lives. The deeper we dive in, the more we can grow.

5) Be open, sincere, and honest

In one video, Oliver says “I want to be as real and honest as I can so I can develop into a better person.”

Being honest and truthful has been fundamental in Oliver’s ability to make progress on his reading journey. To make progress at anything, you have to be real with what the situation is. In this case, Oliver was functionally illiterate. He could read some words, and understand things in a very basic way, but up until recently, he didn’t even feel capable of reading a menu in a restaurant.

He has been asked why he didn’t learn to read when he was younger, and his response was surprising, yet honest. He was physically abused when he was in the special education system as a child. The system was more interested in controlling and restraining him than they were in educating him. That abuse made it so Oliver didn’t have the energy to focus on learning to read, or on learning anything for that matter. Instead, he thought of ways he could get expelled so that he didn’t need to be there at all.

As they say, “the truth hurts,” but Oliver was willing to discuss this uncomfortable reality with his audience, because he understands that this is the path to progress. He is not running away from reality. It’s better to be honest with himself and the world.

Many people are interested in Oliver’s journey, as he has over 129,000 followers as I write this. And I believe people are attracted to someone open and sincere about who he is, who he was, and where he wants to go in life. The truth of Oliver’s situation is not all pleasant, but the fact that he is open and honest will help him to find the path to improvement. Likely, his honesty makes his followers want to help him as well

But if we hide from our problems, our insecurities, and our struggles, then we will not grow. If your energy and attention go to covering up your issues rather than shining a light on them and doing something about it, how can you expect to make progress?

Some people want to pretend that they are doing well — that everything in their life is perfect — but if we do that, then at some point our energy goes to maintaining the illusion that things are going well, rather than making improvements in our lives that we need to make. Again, if your focus is on appearing to be doing well, then when are you going to find the time to make real improvements?

Like Oliver, we must learn to be open and truthful about the struggles we are going through, and the problems of our lives. We must have the courage to face the reality of who we are, where we’ve been, and the problems of our lives. That is the only way to make progress.

If you do not want to share your struggles and problems with the world, that is fine. But at least dare to be sincere and truthful with yourself. Stop hiding from it.

6) Love yourself (You have to love yourself)

Oliver says that one of the greatest lessons he learned through his reading journey was that “I have to love myself.”

As many of us do, he likely struggled to love himself because he found it difficult to accept some less favorable aspects of himself or his life. As long as we want to escape who we are, it is difficult to truly love ourselves. It seems that self-love comes from learning self-acceptance. We may work to learn and grow in certain ways, such as becoming a better reader or learning a skill, but it’s also important to see that there is no need to become something that we are not. The core of who we are is fine, and is someone we must love, and is always worthy of love.

Fortunately, Oliver understands that he needs to love himself, and he needs to work on that. He knows that nothing good comes from being too hard on himself.

I hope you understand: We all need to be kind, understanding and accepting of ourselves. A key reason we have to learn to love ourselves is that it’s very difficult to love anyone else if you can’t even love yourself. We must be mindful of the type of energy we are putting into ourselves because that is the same thing we put out into the world.

Yet, even if the world around us seems especially difficult, troubling, or hurtful, we must find a way to love. Remember that we are good inside, we are worthy, beautiful, and with tremendous potential. Perhaps it is difficult to find love for ourselves at times, but we need to work on it. Strive to see yourself in a better light each day. Practice being understanding and forgiving with yourself.

In life, we often crave for someone to love us, to see us as beautiful, smart, or worthy somehow. But the key is to start to see this for yourself. Why wait for someone else to see it when you can work on this yourself? When you see it, your love grows.

I am aware that many, or perhaps most of us go through self-doubt, we think harshly of ourselves in our minds, or we find it hard to let go of mistakes that we made. And part of this is just being human. It’s not easy to completely let go of all negativity, and we can’t expect to accomplish that either. Nonetheless, we must find our way back to Love.

Love is the foundation.

When on the path to bettering yourself, as Oliver is, you have to return to love, because it’s all too easy to be hard on yourself. You try something challenging, and it may not go the way you hoped. Rather than get into self-doubt or self-hatred or excessive negativity, allow the love to flow through you.

7) “Be happy even when you don’t want to be.”

This last life lesson is a tip that Oliver James gave to his son. He appears to be giving parenting advice, but I believe this is advice that we all need to hear. If anything, the adults need to hear this more than the children.

Oliver says, “One of the keys to staying young and feeling happy is to be happy even when you don’t want to be. When you feel frustrated, when you don’t feel good, you don’t feel happy with the decision that you have to make… try your best inside to still be happy.”

My way of thinking of his advice is that this is how happiness is created in the world. If you are only happy when the situation is good, then that is expected. It is easy — no energy or effort has been required from you. However….

If you can be happy or strive to see the good in situations that are not the best, then you are creating happiness in your own life. You are making it happen.

Many of us may have a difficult time understanding this advice, and that is because to get to the point of striving to be happy even when you don’t feel it, you must understand that happiness or your state of mind is not always occurring due to outside events. We have some control over our thoughts, and with that, we also influence our emotions.

Don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Make it happen.

If you are on your way to work, and someone rear-ends your vehicle and they cause some damage, then you have the choice as to how you think about this.

Most people may get upset and believe that someone distracted on their phone probably hit them, and then the insurance isn’t going to cover this because it’s not that much damage anyway, but it’s still going to be expensive, and they’re going to be late for work, and the boss isn’t going to be happy, and so forth.

But if you practice striving to be happy even when the circumstances are not the best, you can get to the point where you may react differently.

You may react with concern for the other driver, and make sure that everyone is okay. You may realize that as long as everyone is okay, that is what is important here. You can always find a way to pay for any damage that you need to, or you can simply continue to drive the vehicle even with the damage, and life will go on. You can also decide that even if you are late for work and the boss doesn’t understand that you have a reason for it, then perhaps it was time to find a better boss and job anyhow.

How do you think these different ways of thinking and reacting will influence your emotions and your happiness? Don’t take my word for it. See if you can change the way you think about negative events in your life. Then see how that influences your happiness or your emotions and well-being.

The trick is to practice being happy even when the situation seems to be an unhappy one. Practice this, then when someone rear-ends your car one day, you will find a way to be happy through it.

Think about it — so many of us want happiness in this life, but what are we doing to actually work on it? Are we putting in the effort to be happy even when there is a mild inconvenience? If the slightest problem is enough to make you feel unhappy, sad, or moody, then this is something worth working on.

I won’t ask you to pretend to be happy, as that is not what this piece of advice is about. It’s about making an inner effort to see that most things in life are not worth feeling unhappy about. You have so much going for you in this life that you just need to open your eyes to it and see it and be grateful for it. Be happy with what is — don’t allow yourself to become unhappy because something didn’t go the way you wanted.

Oliver James was functionally illiterate for 34 years of his life. He doesn’t allow that fact to make him an unhappy and bitter person. He is working on changing things and improving every day. That is all he can do. We can’t expect any more than that.

This month, or likely this year, I will be working on putting all of these bits of advice into practice in my life. I hope that you do this too.

If Oliver is doing it, why can’t you? What is stopping you? As I said in my prior post, every moment presents a choice. What choices are you making?

---

I didn’t want to crowd the post above with too many links. Below are some resources you may wish to check out:

Oliver James’ TikTok channel - A TikTok account is NOT required

365 Quotes to Live Your Life By - Oliver began his reading journey with this book

Good Morning America (ABC) - Oliver James shares his story with the world

Oliver James’ video - this is one of my favorite motivational clips

Oliver James’ video - this is one of my favorite clips that includes 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 1)

Introduction

There is a lot to learn from chess. Importantly, much of what you learn in chess can transfer beyond the game itself and into life. If you enjoy the game, I hope you read this post. And even if you do not play, I hope you still read this – you may be encouraged to learn the game or teach your kids or grandkids how to play. And, of course, you may be able to absorb some of the lessons mentioned here without needing to actually play chess.

I have enjoyed the game of chess for quite a long time. I first learned the rules of the game at around 14 years old. I played occasionally from there, but I didn’t begin to truly learn the game until I was around 18 years old. I got very interested in the game then and began to play online more often. From around 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using Chessmaster, a computer program to play and get better at chess. I listened to most of Josh Waitzkin’s videos on there – he was excellent at explaining useful thought processes and strategies. I also read some books and did tactics training to improve.

Although I do not have an official rating, I believe my level of play is at around an 1800 FIDE rating. According to Chess.com, I’m roughly in the top 5% of chess players.

By the way, Josh Waitzkin wrote a book called The Art of Learning, which I deeply enjoyed reading. If you are interested in learning how to learn from someone who has mastered multiple fields, the book is worth checking out.

Let’s proceed with some of the lessons I have learned from playing chess:

1.     Fundamentals

Every sport or game usually has certain fundamentals that you must master and truly understand to ever get good. Chess is the same – some of the fundamentals are that you should aim to control the center, not move the same piece twice in the opening, and protect your king. Also, you should not bring out your queen (the most powerful piece) too early. There are many rules like this in life as well. They can be broken, but only if you are good at evaluating the risks and if you truly know what you are doing (both in chess and life).

In life, there are many fundamentals that we must stick to if we hope to lead our best life. A fundamental thought for me has been to only focus on what I can control. With this fundamental thought, I have been able to let go of the things in life that are completely irrelevant. Even if something is important, if I have no control over it, there is no point in worrying about it. Most of the key fundamentals in life focus on the mind, body, or spiritual side.

2.     Discipline

I have no idea as to the number of hours I have spent on chess. In the past, it was not unusual for me to spend hours on the game every day. These days, I may spend 10 minutes on chess per day, although I don’t play every day. When I play, it is usually just for fun – I do not put much effort into improving my game. Perhaps I have reached my peak, as to improve my abilities at this point would require rigorous study. Keep in mind that the better you get at something, the more work it requires to improve. When you are a novice, you can improve rapidly in a short period of time.

From around 18-22 years old, I would play through my games slowly and thoughtfully, and if I lost a game, I would study it carefully to see what I did wrong. I listened to many videos by Masters or Grandmasters (e.g., the highest possible chess title). I read books, and I studied different aspects of the game. I enjoyed the journey toward getting better at chess. To me, this was all for fun. Perhaps I am strange in this way, but I recall being willing to spend a great deal of time thinking through a single move. I wanted to make sure that I had not failed to see some spectacular possibilities. I attempted to consider practically every move. My natural way was often to think deliberately and carefully, even in real life. However, in real life, people often get fed up – they value quick decision-making. But in the game, and perhaps in real life, I wanted to make the best move, no matter what it cost me in time. Then for the games I lost, I would check on the mistakes I had made. In real life, if I made mistakes, I would also think about what I could have done better.

The key learning experience here was the value of discipline. Getting better at chess is a long, long road. To improve will require some form of discipline. For those who want to improve rapidly, they may get discouraged. Most players hit a wall, where it gets challenging to improve beyond a certain point. Again, to push through this requires discipline.

As I was putting great effort into my chess skills, I sometimes asked my opponents online how long they had been playing. I still remember one grueling game I played against a worthy opponent. It was a closed, difficult position. I felt like I was playing against myself, as he had a similar play style. We both played slow, calculating, not offering up any opportunities to the opponent. Neither of us made obvious mistakes, but neither of us had made any risky, ambitious moves either. There was a lot of tension, but it was difficult to gain an advantage. I ended up narrowly winning, surprising myself. I had only been playing seriously for a couple of years at that point. I asked him how long he had played. He said fifteen years. I was starting to realize that there was great value in approaching chess (or anything) with true discipline.

Discipline is about putting in the work every day, or at least regularly so that you can improve.

3.     Challenge yourself

In any game or life situation, sometimes we want to take the easy route. However, it will often be much more valuable to present ourselves with some form of challenge. When I was beginning to take chess more seriously, I got to a point where I felt more comfortable going up against players at the same level over and over (perhaps a 1200 rating). I had gradually improved, and I beat these players consistently after a while, but I kept playing them again and again.

In time, I realized that my skills had stagnated. I wasn’t going up against players that presented me with challenges. Rather, these players tended to make big mistakes at some point, and then I would end up being able to win without much effort.

When I realized that I was not improving, I made it a point to always search for players who would challenge me. At a minimum, I needed to play against someone who was roughly at my own level. But ideally, I should also occasionally seek out players who were significantly better than me.

You learn much more from people who present you with challenges.

I met a player back then (in my early years of taking chess seriously) who actually made me anxious in the first few moves of the game. He always played in a high pressured, threatening way, even from the first few moves. I rose to the challenge and played him again and again - we met weekly. I never beat him, but one time I gained an advantage… and then lost it. His father was a Master, and he was an excellent player himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a Master as well by now.

Another time, I was playing against a seasoned player – he was a retired psychology professor. I’m not sure of his rating, but I recall that he always wanted to play on a 5-minute timer, and I had agreed. With this setup, he always beat me. One day, I told him that I needed more time to think. I asked him if we could play on a 10-minute timer. He agreed to give me the 10-minute timer, and he would continue to play with just 5 minutes on his timer. He allowed me an advantage in this way – perhaps he had gotten tired of beating me every time. Something strange happened then. With this new setup, I started beating him in most of our games. I always thought he was better than me, but it turned out he was just a good quick player. With a bit more time, perhaps I was better.

The point is that I had trained myself not to be worried when I played better players. I think the best sportsmanship is to take pride in your games against higher-level opponents. Pay close attention to the way they play or, when it comes to life, the way that they strategize or choose to take action. What can you learn from them, even if you are in competition? If you see that they are doing something better than you, absorb it and add it to your repertoire of thoughts, actions, and habits.

4.     Time management

For the past 10 years or so, rather than playing slow games where I think extremely long and deliberately on a single move, I have preferred quick games. In chess, we call these blitz games. Usually, these days, I play on a 3-minute timer. This means I have 3 minutes to make all of my moves. If I take any longer, I lose the game. Of course, if my opponent takes longer than 3 minutes, then he would lose. With this timer, time management is key.

Taking 30 seconds on a single move is way too much with a 3-minute timer. This means that for most moves, it is worth going with my first gut reaction. If I have to calculate something, I should aim to simplify the problem to solve it quickly. With the 3 minute timer, it’s important to have an intuition for which moves are not worth considering, so I do not need to waste time thinking through them. Also, if I am down to two moves that seem good and similar in strength, I should probably choose one quickly rather than take too much time to find the best move.

In real life, we come across similar circumstances where you may need to make a very quick decision. Sometimes, there are great costs if you take too much time to arrive at your solution. For example, perhaps you have twenty tasks that need to get done at your workplace. If you take too much time doing one task, your boss will be mad, and you may fall further and further behind on your duties.

Some people are very quick, intuitive thinkers, and so it may appear that they do not need to worry much about time management. However, even for such thinkers, they should still consider using their time in the best way. If you arrive at a reasonable solution in 10 seconds, that is great. But what if you could have come to a decision 10 times better if you had only decided to think it through for a couple of minutes?

5.     Evolving Priorities

In chess, there are so many aspects of the game that can be difficult to prioritize. Our thinking must evolve to a higher level to be able to manage the competing goals properly. The key challenge is that the priorities evolve during the game. At the beginning of a game, you want to develop your pieces properly. In the middle, you want to develop a plan. In the end, you want to capitalize on any advantages you worked hard to attain.

An experienced player should see a position and quickly be able to figure out what the priorities are. For a new player, prioritizing may seem like an overwhelming task. Still, for the seasoned player they will understand where the threats are, which pieces are properly developed and which are not, whether the kings are safe, and whether there are tactical possibilities (or move combinations that can force an advantage).

Again, at first, these types of ideas can seem conflicting and even overwhelming. But in time with experience, we develop a natural feeling for the priorities. When we are learning, a common flaw is to forget about the king’s safety. But for good players, they always keep king safety in mind. If your king is not safe, you are very likely to lose the game. In fact, the game's final objective is to checkmate the king, meaning that he has nowhere to go.

Chess doesn’t involve static priorities. Sure, king safety is always pretty important. But what if you have secured your king very well, and he is very well defended? Then, shouldn’t you prioritize something else rather than worrying too much about the king? Yes, you probably should. As you play a game, the priorities can shift.

As I play, I tend to ask myself questions such as:

• What is the greatest weakness in my opponent’s position?

• What is the greatest weakness in my position?

• What move helps take advantage of their weakness, or to protect mine, or both?

• What is their plan? And if it is a good plan, can I stop it?

My thoughts are somewhat open and flexible, as the priorities for me will be different, depending on the position on the board.

This may be the case with life too. For anyone’s life situation, the priorities may be different. My priorities as a married 35-year-old without children are probably different than someone my age who does have children. And they are probably different than a 65-year-old’s, or than a 15-year-old’s.

Final Thoughts

Today, I would like you to use the above chess lessons to reflect on your life by asking these questions:

1. Am I sticking to the fundamentals in my life?

2. Am I being disciplined about the important goals in my life?

3. Am I properly challenging myself?

4. Am I managing my time well?

5. Am I prioritizing well, depending on my current situation?

In tomorrow’s post, I will cover 5 more lessons I learned from playing chess.

How Do You Deal with A Difficult Situation?

When someone is faced with a difficult situation, this presents us with a critical moment.

If today someone begins to harass you, to get in your face, appearing immensely agitated and perhaps looking for a fight, how will you react?

Some of us will be inclined to get back in their face and yell or argue. Others will try to calm that person down and avoid making it worse. Others may avoid the situation, perhaps backing up and apologizing, and look to remove themselves from the environment. Some people, of course, may react with fear and feel frozen, especially if the person that begins to harass you is much bigger.

If you have never experienced such a thing where an angry person confronted you and they yelled and desired to intimidate you, then that is fantastic. But unfortunately, this is something that can and does happen among colleagues, spouses, friends, and even strangers.

I have learned that when we face any difficult situation, we must deal with the immediate situation. If your mind is somewhere else, or if you panic, you can easily make things worse rather than help to improve the situation.

Something we should consider in these difficult situations is this:

Will my response make things worse?

Most of us are not used to thinking of that because if you get into an ordinary argument with a friend or spouse, you already know based on prior squabbles what the results will probably be. Perhaps you will get angry, yell, then calm down and talk it over to try to find a solution. Since most life situations have some predictability, you may assume that they will unfold similarly to your past situations have unfolded when you are in a new situation.

However, the reality may be that you do not actually know your colleagues that well, or that you do not truly know some people as well as you think you do, or that you cannot possibly predict how a stranger will react to something you do.

When we realize we are in a new and difficult situation, we should have the proper mindset to figure out the situation efficiently. The right mindset may proceed like this:

1. Pause – take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening. For example, you do not need to feel angry, scared, or defensive – you can see with clear eyes what is happening because you do not need to immediately react (unless you are actually attacked, then you would need to react).

2. Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse. Are you just being provoked into getting angry because this individual would like to fight you? Does it truly matter who is right or wrong right now when you are both just getting more agitated? This point is crucially important.

   I have observed that when people find themselves in a difficult situation, they often take actions that make the problem worse somehow or that present them with many new problems to deal with. Basically, when you find yourself in difficult situations, you can easily become your own biggest enemy. Do your best to avoid having this happen.

3. Can you do something to deescalate this situation? Is it an option to apologize or listen and try to understand rather than to react or contradict every statement the other person makes? If the other person is highly irritated and on the verge of wanting to fight, this may not be the best time to discuss things rationally. Perhaps that can wait for another time.

4. If attempts to deescalate are not working, can you try to get someone else (e.g., a colleague or friend) to help you gain control of the situation?

5. If you cannot deescalate nor get someone to help you, can you leave the situation?

6. If you cannot immediately leave the situation, can you defend yourself or present a distraction that will help you escape?

7. If you cannot defend yourself or prepare for an escape, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box. (This is an important step because every situation will be different, and you may need to find unique solutions for your particular situation.)

Although we have explored this scenario where someone approaches you that is irritated, angry, and in your face, I would also like us to consider that there are actually infinite possible difficult scenarios that we can find ourselves in. Fortunately, the general mindset illustrated above can work for anything. I will rephrase it in a more general way that could be applied to virtually any scenario:

1. Pause - take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening

2. Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse.

3. Can you do something to improve the situation?

4. If attempts to improve the situation are not working, can you get help?

5. If you cannot get help, is there a way to leave the situation?

6. If you cannot leave the situation immediately, can you manage or control it while you wait for help, or can you look for a way to leave the situation?

7. If not, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box.

The next time you face a difficult situation, try to adopt the above mindset or series of thought processes out. Most of us do not have a general plan in place for dealing with difficult situations. But the reality is that we will all face key situations in our lives sooner or later.

Are you mentally ready for it?

Finding the Courage to Challenge Yourself

Allow me to take you back to my middle school years (7th and 8th grades). One day toward the end of the year, teachers began handing out this piece of paper with a checkmark on it. On this paper, they decided whether we would take remedial, regular, honors, or advanced classes in high school.

In English class, the teacher checked off that I should take honors level English classes. Great, no problem.

In Science, the teacher checked off that I should take regular level, science classes. I would admit that I had not performed as well as I should have in 8th-grade science. I hadn’t taken it as seriously as I should have. While I often had a B grade, I was probably only performing about average for the class. After class, I spoke with the teacher, and I told her that I thought I could perform well at the honors level. I wasn’t sure if she was truly convinced, but she went ahead and decided to recommend me for the honors level.  Great.

The last class of the day was Algebra. At the beginning of the class, the teacher handed us our sheets of paper. I was shocked at what I saw. I had to read it over and over until it sank in.

The teacher had checked off that I should take pre-algebra in high school. This was quite a surprise because I had already taken pre-algebra in 7th grade, and I was currently in an algebra class. My grades in algebra were around the B+ level, and I was in the top 30% of the class.

I couldn’t focus on the class anymore at that point. I was sweating profusely. I felt mad at first, but then I felt embarrassed. I figured I had been in the class a full year. If the teacher recommended me for pre-algebra, then I guess this was his professional opinion. I had been hoping to take honors algebra, but that seemed quite unlikely now.

In my mind, I started to come up with reasons as to how the teacher could justify recommending me for pre-algebra. Sometimes I had filled out my homework assignments recklessly, not showing my work properly. My exam scores were decent – so I decided the homework must have been the problem. Or maybe I had done something to offend the teacher personally, and I just never realized it. My mind raced, making up possible reasons to explain how my entire future could be derailed by this.

Whether true or not, I felt that if I took pre-algebra in high school, then my college applications would seem laughable. My credentials would not be competitive enough to get into a good school. Of course, on top of this, I was insulted. The teacher was recommending that I go back to a lower level rather than move forward.

The class was almost over already, and I had gone through all this sweating, a spectrum of emotions, self-doubt, and even self-pity. I was so ashamed at the teacher’s recommendation that I had tucked the sheet of paper in my notebook, not wanting anyone to see it.

The class ended, and students were getting up to leave.

It crossed my mind that I should talk to the teacher, but I was a sweating, nervous mess by that point. I didn’t feel like I could talk to him – I didn’t know what I would even say.

Nonetheless, I needed to know why he was doing this to me. At the last moment, I went up to him with the sheet of paper with his recommendation on it.

In the most deflated way, I mumbled:

“Mr. S, I just wanted you to know that I was actually hoping to take honors algebra next year in high school.”

He glanced down at the sheet of paper I was holding with his recommendation.

“Oh my!” he said, realizing that he had checked off pre-algebra.

“That’s not right at all. Of course, you’ve been doing well enough in the class that I think you should handle honors algebra just fine.”

He crossed out his old recommendation and checked off honors algebra.

It was just a mistake, that was all.

This is a really old story if I’m going way back to middle school. It’s not because I have no other stories for you about courage. But it’s because, at that point in my life, it took a lot for me to talk to an adult directly. As a child, I avoided talking to adults whenever I could. It felt intimidating, and usually, I imagined that they would get whatever they wanted in the end. There was no point in getting into an argument with an adult.

What is interesting to me now is that this took not only courage but that I was actually using my courage to ask to be challenged. I was essentially telling my teachers that I didn’t want an easy ride in high school. I wanted them to push me further. Of course, I wanted to be competitive for college, but I also wanted the intellectual challenge for myself.

I never viewed myself as someone with much courage, but things get interesting when you want something badly enough. When you want it, you become willing to speak up and ask for it.

I see many of us moving away from the challenges, being quite happy to have things easy. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we are performing well in easy situations, but it’s important to push yourself harder, perhaps even to your limits at times. When you push yourself harder and harder, you may find that you are capable of much more than you thought.

The true lesson for me here has been the power of believing in ourselves. Although I struggled to believe in myself, and I almost didn’t say anything to my math teacher, ultimately, I had enough belief in my abilities where I felt the need to speak up.

We shouldn’t just be a leaf in the wind, being pushed this way and that by the forces around us. Rather, we should have some input into where our lives go. When we take our life into our own hands, we learn that what we do matters. Our actions can lead us toward something better or away from it. But if we don’t have the courage to live by our own will, then we may never learn that lesson.

Find the courage in yourself to strive for that challenge so that you may become something better. If you are not being pushed or challenged enough, then ask for it. You do not always need rewards to go along with it. The challenge is worth it for its own sake, to have the chance to grow beyond what you thought you could.

Often our true potential is much, much higher than we think it is. When we find the courage to challenge ourselves, we will begin to take steps that can ultimately lead us to greatness.

How Do You Respond to Challenging Questions?

Children can sometimes question endlessly, can’t they? They have been known to ask what something is, and then when you explain it, they may ask “Why?” over and over to try to learn more deeply.

As adults, we have often reached a point where we stopped questioning. This is unfortunate as I can see that this habit of not questioning has taken a toll on society.

On a routine basis in my interactions with experts, I will ask a question that could be challenging – for example, it could be unique or considering things from a different perspective. Usually, I feel that they should know the answer because I am asking an expert in their field. I feel that I am just asking them to think through problems in a slightly more complex way, rather than just giving me the solution they may find in their work manual or a Google search.

Often when I ask these questions, I am met with some of the following responses:

“I’m really not sure – maybe the reason is...”

When I hear this, usually they make something up, where often it is obvious to me that their answer is not correct. The problem with this approach is that they are more concerned with appearing to be helpful rather than actually being helpful. Sometimes, I also have the impression that they are worried about looking foolish or unknowledgeable – they want to hide the fact that they do not know certain things. With their approach, they are not learning anything new from my questions.

“I have no idea. That isn’t what we focus on here.”

Often, they will tell me this in an annoyed tone, as if I shouldn’t be asking questions. The problem here is that I have asked a question somehow related to their field. Yet, they are drawing clear lines as to what they will not think about. With that approach, their knowledge will forever remain limited as they refuse to learn new things. I understand that some things are outside of a person’s professional domain, but I still think people should be more curious about how different domains are related. Divisions between fields are often just imaginary lines or boundaries that we draw. In reality, everything is interrelated.

 “What’s important actually is that….”

After saying this, they focus on something else, more concerned with selling a product or guiding me to do what they want me to do rather than answer my question. In this case, they do not place value on questions. They view questions as a distraction from meeting their goal. This is a mistake because if they actually learned how to answer some questions, they could better help their clients and better meet their goals. In this case, they seem to be refusing to acknowledge that anything they don’t already know could be important.

The above responses are the most frequent ones that I get. The ones below are less common.

 “That is a good question. I don’t know the answer, but I will have to look it up and get back to you.”

Although they probably have good intentions, they usually never get back to me. Usually, this is someone who is interested in learning or in helping their clients. Still, they are very focused on meeting their immediate goals, and they will probably not invest time in looking up answers unless they think it is necessary. Although this is better than some of the above options, they are still failing to learn from new questions that they receive. And most of the time, they have still not actually answered the question I presented.

“I will look this up now,” or “I will ask my supervisor and get back to you in a moment.”

Usually, with this approach, they can give me a helpful response. Typically, even if they do not know the answer, they can help me understand why they do not know. Perhaps they will explain that there are several possible reasons that something has happened. Or they may need to run extra tests or perform extra services to answer some of my questions. The person who responds with the above phrase (in bold) will place value on new questions and seek to answer them. They will understand that questions present an opportunity for learning and growth. This response is fairly rare, and I am glad to see that some people (or the organizations they belong to) value answering potentially challenging questions.

“The answer is:” (and they proceed to give a good and reasonable answer.)

This is the part that saddens me. When I ask unique, thoughtful, or detailed questions, I don’t expect to receive good answers anymore. This is because of my experiences in having seen that most of the time, I will not receive useful answers to my questions. Usually, I am met with one of the top 4 phrases mentioned above – which results in me getting no answers.

The person who knows the answer to my question right away usually has a lot of experience is highly talented, or places a lot of value on learning new things and trying to answer new questions effectively. Someone who answers my question with reasonable solutions has probably thought through this question already. They have been asked similar questions in the past, but rather than avoid the question, they learned what they needed to answer it appropriately.

With this type of person, sometimes I will continue to ask more questions. My curiosity is endless, and I am fascinated by the opportunity to learn more about topics from people who are truly experts in their fields. Often, someone who can answer one challenging question is also quite capable of handling other challenging questions. After a few questions, I will often get to a point where we find a limit to their knowledge. But this type of person will always think about my questions more deeply and seek the answers for their own benefit.

It is frustrating to see that many people on a daily basis are on autopilot. They are going through certain motions. They do not expect any challenges in their day, nor do they want them. Any new question is assumed to be pointless or a distraction. For many of us, we see questions as child’s play. We think of the child who annoyed us with endless questions, or the person who makes a fool of himself asking questions with obvious answers, or we think of the teacher who scolded us for “wasting” classroom time with questions. Questions have a bad reputation for many of us, but we need to focus on bringing them back into our lives.

In my life, questions are the primary thinking tool I use for everything. The trick isn’t just to ask questions but to ask good ones. How do you ask good questions? By developing the habit of questioning so that you learn to ask better and better questions. What is a good question? The good question is that which helps you to accomplish your goals.

I want to be challenged with new, interesting, and even difficult questions. Actually, I think we should all want this.  

Do you really want to think the same thoughts every day, do the same things every day, and not be pushed into becoming anything better every day?

Is that what we are truly after? This seems quite meaningless to me, as I hope it does to you as well.

Today, I ask you to challenge me, to push me further.

Ask me any question, even if you are sure I will not know the answer.

You can do so in the comments section below.

I am the type of person who cannot let it go. When I am asked something, it will roll around in my mind until I find a solution. If I go to sleep concerned about something, I wake up with the solution in my mind.

I cannot guarantee that I will know the answer to your question, but I will try to figure it out and give you a helpful response.

In your life, seek to ask more questions and encourage people to ask you more questions. When you are asked new and challenging questions, search deeply for the answers. You will become more and more confident every day in your ability to solve problems if you do this.

Eventually, you may reach a point where you can craft the right questions for yourself, and you can seek your own answers to these questions.

---

If you could use some example questions to help get you into the questioning mindset, consider reading the following (written with co-author Dave Edelstein):

Question Yourself: 365 Questions to Explore Your Inner Self & Reveal Your True Nature

Community Acts of Kindness

In this society, a lot of strain is placed on teachers and schools: they are expected to take care of all of a child’s needs in some cases since some parents cannot do this on their own.

A lot of strain is placed on police: they are expected to deal with a wide range of societal problems that no one else wants to deal with.

A lot of strain is placed on parents: they are expected to raise children well while dedicating themselves fully to their jobs. If these parents have older parents of their own, they may be faced with parenting children and caring for their parents all at once.

Much strain is placed on college students: they are expected to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives and pursue that major, yet there is no guarantee that there will be jobs when they graduate. The field that they study may not even exist in a few years.

There is a lot of strain placed on those with poor health or those with disabilities: how can they be expected to thrive when they must deal with lost time, energy, and the financial costs of their illness.

There is much strain placed on most people who live through some of the above or have family members who are living through other strains that I did not mention.

At some point, we must realize that no single profession can take on all of these strains. A teacher cannot fix it when a child is facing neglect in their home. The police cannot fix it when that child grows up to commit crimes. The solution of putting this person in jail is not a real solution. The real solution would have been to prevent this from happening in the first place. The parents of this criminal cannot fix it when they had decided long ago to work two jobs each to keep the lights on at home. They never made time for their own child.

The college student cannot fix it when he has taken 100k dollars in loans to get a degree in something that employers view as irrelevant. His guidance counselor never mentioned the risk of that when he was studying hard to earn good grades.

Those in poor health cannot fix it when they have to choose between spending money on taking care of their health or getting educated in a field that will help them have a good career.

Many people are strained enough that they can’t see beyond their immediate situation.

Expecting some of these professions to fulfill their roles perfectly can have disastrous effects. In reality, no one will fulfill their roles perfectly, so as individuals, we need to take on more – if we are in the position to do so.

If we can help someone, we should do it. If I can help some people in my community, this helps build a better community for all of us.

Many people surely will think that they are not in the position to help anyone. But it’s not as complicated as we may think. We all have a set of skills. If someone needs your help and cannot pay, consider helping out pro bono (without charging them). If you need certain materials to do the work, then tell them to pay for the materials and that you will do the rest.

For example, perhaps you make your living working at a company, earning a decent salary. But you also have many handy skills. If a coworker needs some help around the house, you may volunteer to help out one day, and you may not ask for any compensation if you know that he is struggling. Or perhaps this coworker is new and just moved in. He has plenty of other costs and things to worry about, and so it would be a great help to him if he did not have to pay you.

If you own a business and a client is paying for a wide variety of services, and at the last moment the client notices that he actually needs more services from you, you may perform a small additional service at no added cost as a “thanks” to this client. Or you may look for creative ways to help him that don’t require much extra work on your part without increasing his costs.

The better you are doing in your own life, the more you should look for opportunities to add value to the people around you, even if it does not necessarily increase your own profits.

We live in very profit-driven societies. We are obsessed with currency because it is a hard metric that we can track. We can look at our bank statements and see that the figures are going up or down or staying steady. With so many other important areas in our lives, they are not always so easily trackable.

For example, we do not have a device that measures love, peace, happiness, or wisdom. These are immeasurable, so we tend to disregard them in our societies that place great value on data. We treat them as unimportant when they are actually critical features of a properly functioning society.

Our thinking needs to shift more to being like a gardener. If I plant a peach tree and watch it grow, I am not concerned if it bears no fruit the first season I plant it. Maybe it is still young and needs time to grow. Maybe in the second year, it will give me a few peaches, but maybe in the third year, it will provide loads more peaches than I need.

The fruits come when they come – all I can do is nurture them to grow and wait patiently.

Practice your patience, and stop needing everything to happen right now.

Likewise, with our communities, the fruits will come when they come. If I meet a neighbor and find out her child struggles in algebra, I may think back to my own childhood. I found algebra to be highly frustrating, and I thought I would never understand it. But eventually, through hard work and through the kindness of my teacher, who tutored me pro bono, I was able to understand it quite well. And so, I may volunteer to help a neighbor’s child whenever he has a problem he is stuck on. (These days, there are so many online resources to help with these kinds of issues, but they did not exist when I was a child.)

These are small steps, but that is fine. We are all busy with our own lives, but there is so much more that matters beyond our own personal concerns.

Surely you have your own struggles, but ask yourself if you have all that you truly need. Do you have much more than you need? If you do, start thinking of others around you, of your community.

This neighbor’s child struggling through algebra may end up becoming a mathematician. Without my help, he may never have realized that he actually enjoyed the topic very much.

We never know what kinds of fruits will come from our actions or how much time they may take to truly blossom, but that is the wonderful thing about these community acts of kindness.

Even if the fruits of your labors are not always your own to profit from, there is a tremendous pleasure that comes from knowing that you have helped someone to become a better version of themselves. To help someone overcome an obstacle that is holding them back can also be life-changing.

When your community is able to thrive, there will be cascading effects. If one community is thriving, that community will help neighboring communities, and this positive, helpful energy will gradually spread through and through. From one community to the next, one city to the next, then one state to the next, then one country to the next.

It is not so easy, and I don’t mean to make it sound that way. But it all begins with a simple step from one individual. That one individual could be you today.

When someone asks you for help today, don’t cast them aside so easily. Take a few minutes and see what you can do to help. If you can, avoid setting up a “Wall of Busyness” where you are so busy with your own life that you cannot do anything for anyone else.

We tend to value our independence and figuring out our troubles on our own – but no one truly does everything on their own. The self-made man or woman is an illusion. No one is born, and taught, and guided toward greatness all on their own. We can achieve quite a lot through our own willpower, but we still need others to get there.

So it would be a step in the right direction if we continued to value our independence, but it is also important that we place more value on helpfulness. People need help to become fully independent. And people need help to thrive and arrive at a position where they can also help others.

Don’t judge someone just because they are at a lower level in the game of life. See what you can do to push them forward. You may be surprised to find where they end up.

So many people are on social media now. You may consider looking for groups or communities in your social media channels that correspond to your physical location. Perhaps someone near you could use a helping hand.

Or you may look for ways to help people who need advice in an area that you have expertise in. There are online communities for every conceivable skill, problem, and interest.

From Feelings of Worthlessness to Worthiness

Sometimes we may feel a crushing weight of worthlessness. The problem with living for the future, as many people do, is that we know where the future will end for all of us. Eventually, we will end up dead as everyone before us has ended up. Somehow, knowing our end destination can make the whole journey seem worthless. But perhaps this knowledge of what will happen to us is meant to remind us that we need to focus on what is happening now. At any moment, our whole life can be robbed from us, and we will pass on to the next dimension.

But this means that our present, fleeting moment is precious. The limited time we have is precious.

We can obsess over the end and whatever it may truly mean, or we can move beyond this and live our lives fully in the Now.

If we bring our attention fully to the Now, then we are fully alive and not adding agonies about the past or the future to our lives. The other thing we can do to overcome this feeling of worthlessness is remember that we must make our own goals and pathways. We cannot rely on someone else or another system to determine our worth and our path. For when they abandon us, we are left feeling nothing but worthlessness. Our worthiness must emanate from within. We must define our life path and our life mission and pursue it wholeheartedly.

I often think of this quote by Henry David Thoreau:

“All men live lives of quiet desperation.”

What many of us fear most is what deep inside we desire the most. That is, to truly, truly live by breaking away from the daily grind of patterns we have set into like a stone. We are constantly doing things today based on all the things we have done in the past, finding it difficult to escape this shadow of the past that hovers around us.

Many of us want to get out of here.

We want to escape from ourselves – our lives, who we are, the daily pains and challenges of life, society, and everything.

The escapism that we see rampant in today’s society, where people are sucked into movies, reality TV, video games, sitcoms, drinking, drugs, and any activity that removes us from our real lives, goes to show that many of us are living these lives of quiet desperation. We want to get out of here, but perhaps we don’t want any of the risks that come with it. We don’t want to pack our bags and move out, only to have people say we went crazy or for our family to become upset. We want to quit that job but feel we can’t because we need a steady income to live our normal lives.

In a sense, we feel trapped. I always thought that the wealthy must have found a way to escape this. Still, I feel that hearing about all the financial issues even the wealthy have, it makes me think that they get sucked into feeling that they need to maintain a certain lifestyle. Therefore they get trapped into their quiet lives of desperation as well. We come to feel that we need others to think of us in a certain way. If I’m the professor, I need people to think of me as a serious academic who has contributed unique and valuable research to the world. If I’m a businessperson, I need people to believe I am successful and value my products. If I’m a parent, I need people to think that I am a good parent and that I do the best for my kids. This need to be perceived in a certain way makes us feel trapped in the end.

In life, we acquire responsibilities and things we must do, which is just what it means to be an adult. It seems that we do not have the real option to escape. But what about those people without obligations to others? They are young, without kids, without anyone that they must care for, but they tend to think that they are too young to know what they should focus on in life and look to their parents or elders. But what if all of their elders are living quiet lives of desperation? And what if these are the people guiding our youth?

For any stranger you see today, keep in mind that perhaps they live a quiet life of desperation. Perhaps life is weighing them down. Maybe they’re using whatever energy they have left to smile and pretend that everything is alright.

We all want something more, don’t we? We want something other than what we have, something other than what we are, but then instead of working at it, we escape our lives. This drives us further into the need to escape the pitiful lives that we create for ourselves.

Instead, we must double down on our own lives. We must invest the time in nurturing ourselves and the people we touch daily. This will result in a bettering of ourselves and our circumstances. Perhaps once in a while, we should engage in a real-life escape or journey rather than trying to escape from our lives through media. The real-life journeys (e.g., travel, spiritual journeys, doing something you always wanted to do but never made time for) may nurture the soul and fill us with learning, understanding, wisdom, culture, and such good qualities, rather than just robbing us of our time. Perhaps in these real-life escapes, we will find that we want to escape that escape and ultimately find ourselves pleased to be back home, the way things always were.

There are many times in life when we will be frustrated, tired, feeling unwanted or lost, or as if we don’t matter. There are times when we may be tempted to give up hope. What we should always remember, no matter how hard things get, is that this is part of the journey too. Fiction writers understand quite well that they need to give their protagonist many obstacles, sometimes tremendous obstacles, for the story to be interesting. So sit back and remember that you are part of the human story. And perhaps you have been given more obstacles than others to bear. And this is fine. This is just a part of your journey. The journey moves you toward something greater and better, but you may have to get through the mud before you find your way.

The human mind and spirit are powerful enough that if every time we falter or find ourselves in difficult circumstances, we were to think, Oh no, I am so dumb. I’m going to get fired. Then I’ll lose my house, then the kids, I’ll die in a ditch. How could we possibly expect to thrive under immense stress? We must always train the mind to do better, to be a beaming light in the face of darkness.

When an unexpected disaster happens, think: That’s alright. We’re going to come back stronger than ever after we get through this. When you are sick and have disturbing symptoms, you may think: That’s fine, my body is just purging this sickness from my body. And when you make a big mistake, think: That’s fine – I’ve had the opportunity to learn something here so that I can help make sure my colleagues nor I ever make this mistake again.

We must learn to train the mind to be calm through the storm. When we find ourselves in turbulent times, where everything seems chaotic and disordered, we must keep calm, composed and figure out the next step. It doesn’t help to allow the mind to run through all of the worse possibilities that may happen. If running through all the worst-case scenarios makes you panicky and unable to think clearly, then this is not helping you or anyone.

We must stay calm through the storm.

Sometimes in challenging circumstances, we need to stay strong to survive the present to live another day and figure everything out with a calm, cool head.