What I Learned in the 5th Grade

I sometimes think back to the 5th grade because it was a tough year for me, but I learned some great life lessons that year. My teacher, Mr. Strombeck, taught me so much, and most of what I learned wasn’t even a part of the curriculum. He had a reputation for being one of the hardest, most strict teachers in the school, yet I’m glad I was in his class.

I Learned to Read (and Think)

This teacher gave us reading assignments that somehow seemed to leap beyond anything I had ever been required to read in the past. They were short stories that it seemed like an adult or young adult may read. He told us to read them on our own time and then answer some comprehension questions that I thought were quite difficult. These stories were not typical kid stories. It was literature. Complex themes and ideas were floating around, and it was not always explained so directly within the story. You had to figure it out on your own or come to your own interpretation of what was going on.

I am convinced now that he wanted to get us thinking. He didn’t want to explain the story to us so that we could learn his explanation. Mr. Strombeck wanted us to figure it out and make sense of the story for ourselves – that is what reading is truly about.

This was the first time I learned to ask myself questions as I read. Why did this character behave this way? What were they trying to accomplish? Why did they get emotional or upset at a certain point? When or where are they, and why does it matter?

I remember that the first stories he assigned were incomprehensible to me. I felt lost. But I kept reading and trying to understand, and at the end of the year, my reading skills had vastly improved. In the 6th grade (the following year), I read the highest-level books in the school library, which were 8th-grade level. I’m sure this was because my 5th-grade teacher had actually challenged me to truly read and to truly think.

My Actions Have Consequences

Surely, children younger than the 5th grade learn that their actions have consequences. Every child knows that if they behave badly enough, they will get punished or at least have some privilege or reward taken away. But I learned this lesson in a deeper way here.

One of my friends needed an eraser, and he was only maybe 15 feet away. I didn’t want to get up from my desk without permission, so I gently tossed an eraser to him, and he caught it.

“That’s 5 days detention right there,” the teacher said sternly, looking at me.

He took a moment to write me up and hand me the form. I was quite upset, as I thought it was obvious that I had not violently thrown anything or tried to hurt anyone. But I knew if I tried to argue the point, it would just make things worse.

To this day, I’m not entirely sure if the punishment of 5 days detention was really warranted. It seems extreme for the gentle toss of an eraser.

Yet as a child, the lesson hit home – Be careful with what you choose to do. Think through your choices. Your actions have consequences.

In hindsight, I think this fifth grade teacher was trying to actually prepare us for life, and not just for the sixth grade.

I sense that the message he was giving me and to the class is that even if this punishment seems harsh, in real life, people often commit actions that appear to be harmless and yet which can result in horrible consequences. Also, in real life, sometimes minor crimes result in harsh sentences, and some criminals get off for free. Things are not always fair.

“It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do.”

I was horrible at paying attention in class, and so I believe I was struggling in history class at one point, and my Mom had talked to Mr. Strombeck. He told my Mom that I should go to his desk the next day to discuss my options.

The next day arrived, and I was very introverted, so I was nervous about going up to him. Most of the day went by, and I never went to his desk. I was going to keep waiting and probably never go up to him. Finally, in the afternoon, Mr. Strombeck called me to his desk.

He asked me if my Mom had told me to come to his desk and talk to him, and I said “Yes.”

Then he said something like this: “I know it can be difficult to come up to an adult, but you’re going to have to learn to do this. It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. You are the one who would like to do better in history, so you are the one who needs to come to me about it. Next time you have something on your mind, come straight to me.”

Then he gave me a few extra credit options to help improve my grades.

At the time, I think I struggled to communicate with people, especially adults. In general, I had started to develop some anxiety around socializing. Fifth grade was also the first time I was expected to give presentations in front of the class. All I can recall was having this overwhelming sense of dread when I needed to present like this world-ending disaster was happening. A girl in my class got so nervous that she would shake visibly and cry during her presentations. I probably felt like her on the inside.

The understanding from my teacher that it was difficult for me to communicate and that I was intimidated to speak with adults somehow helped me make it through the year.

Ultimately, now as an adult, I agree with him that some things will be quite difficult, but you have to do them.

Through doing those difficult things over and over, somehow it seems to result in personal growth, well-being, character, grit, and skill.

How to Use the Internet

That year (1995), I was selected to be in a group of four students who would learn extra computer skills. I don’t remember much about what we did. The group only met once per week for about an hour. At that time, I remember working on something called Netscape (a common web browser at that time).

In those days, there were less than 40 million internet users worldwide, and apparently, I was one of them. Today, there are nearly 5 billion regular internet users. There is a good chance you and everyone you know has internet access, but the world wasn’t always this way. And as I’m starting to feel older than I actually am somehow, I will remind you that I am 35 years old now.

We couldn’t have known back then that this internet thing was really going to take off. As kids, it was just an interesting way to pass the time and like a toy to play with.

Now we know the internet is much more powerful than we thought – we are all connected through it and able to share and receive as much information as we can handle.

Final Thoughts

I learned a lot in the 5th grade. I learned to read and think that my actions have consequences, that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, and how to use the internet.

By the way, the only things I remember learning were not actually in the course curriculum. Isn’t that interesting?

What did you learn in the 5th grade?

Or do you have a teacher who stands out to you and who helped you learn some valuable life lessons?

How Do You Deal with A Difficult Situation?

When someone is faced with a difficult situation, this presents us with a critical moment.

If today someone begins to harass you, to get in your face, appearing immensely agitated and perhaps looking for a fight, how will you react?

Some of us will be inclined to get back in their face and yell or argue. Others will try to calm that person down and avoid making it worse. Others may avoid the situation, perhaps backing up and apologizing, and look to remove themselves from the environment. Some people, of course, may react with fear and feel frozen, especially if the person that begins to harass you is much bigger.

If you have never experienced such a thing where an angry person confronted you and they yelled and desired to intimidate you, then that is fantastic. But unfortunately, this is something that can and does happen among colleagues, spouses, friends, and even strangers.

I have learned that when we face any difficult situation, we must deal with the immediate situation. If your mind is somewhere else, or if you panic, you can easily make things worse rather than help to improve the situation.

Something we should consider in these difficult situations is this:

Will my response make things worse?

Most of us are not used to thinking of that because if you get into an ordinary argument with a friend or spouse, you already know based on prior squabbles what the results will probably be. Perhaps you will get angry, yell, then calm down and talk it over to try to find a solution. Since most life situations have some predictability, you may assume that they will unfold similarly to your past situations have unfolded when you are in a new situation.

However, the reality may be that you do not actually know your colleagues that well, or that you do not truly know some people as well as you think you do, or that you cannot possibly predict how a stranger will react to something you do.

When we realize we are in a new and difficult situation, we should have the proper mindset to figure out the situation efficiently. The right mindset may proceed like this:

1. Pause – take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening. For example, you do not need to feel angry, scared, or defensive – you can see with clear eyes what is happening because you do not need to immediately react (unless you are actually attacked, then you would need to react).

2. Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse. Are you just being provoked into getting angry because this individual would like to fight you? Does it truly matter who is right or wrong right now when you are both just getting more agitated? This point is crucially important.

   I have observed that when people find themselves in a difficult situation, they often take actions that make the problem worse somehow or that present them with many new problems to deal with. Basically, when you find yourself in difficult situations, you can easily become your own biggest enemy. Do your best to avoid having this happen.

3. Can you do something to deescalate this situation? Is it an option to apologize or listen and try to understand rather than to react or contradict every statement the other person makes? If the other person is highly irritated and on the verge of wanting to fight, this may not be the best time to discuss things rationally. Perhaps that can wait for another time.

4. If attempts to deescalate are not working, can you try to get someone else (e.g., a colleague or friend) to help you gain control of the situation?

5. If you cannot deescalate nor get someone to help you, can you leave the situation?

6. If you cannot immediately leave the situation, can you defend yourself or present a distraction that will help you escape?

7. If you cannot defend yourself or prepare for an escape, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box. (This is an important step because every situation will be different, and you may need to find unique solutions for your particular situation.)

Although we have explored this scenario where someone approaches you that is irritated, angry, and in your face, I would also like us to consider that there are actually infinite possible difficult scenarios that we can find ourselves in. Fortunately, the general mindset illustrated above can work for anything. I will rephrase it in a more general way that could be applied to virtually any scenario:

1. Pause - take a breath or stop what you are doing for a moment to avoid having to react immediately to what is happening

2. Ask yourself if you are about to do something that will only make things worse.

3. Can you do something to improve the situation?

4. If attempts to improve the situation are not working, can you get help?

5. If you cannot get help, is there a way to leave the situation?

6. If you cannot leave the situation immediately, can you manage or control it while you wait for help, or can you look for a way to leave the situation?

7. If not, can you brainstorm any further options? Prepare to think outside the box.

The next time you face a difficult situation, try to adopt the above mindset or series of thought processes out. Most of us do not have a general plan in place for dealing with difficult situations. But the reality is that we will all face key situations in our lives sooner or later.

Are you mentally ready for it?