How to Stay Positive (10 Tips)

Introduction

A reader wrote me this week to ask me for some advice on staying positive. I struggled tremendously with staying positive, but through the years, I have developed my own systems that work for me. I would encourage you to try out some of my tips below and be willing to experiment to see what works for you.

As a quick note before beginning, we should be aware that negativity does serve a purpose. It allows us to understand when there is a problem or something that is not working properly. If nothing else, it allows us to see that we should consider making a change in our lives.

Even from negative circumstances, there is something positive for us to take from it.

A conclusion I have come to is that everything is a form of practice. These days, I am actually grateful for much of the negativity that happens around me. I see it as something that allows me to practice a positive mindset.

Ready to begin? Here are 10 Tips on how to stay positive:

1.     Read Books on Positivity and Mindfulness

I especially recommend 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By, and you can also pick up 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By (free eBook). They can make the biggest impact when read together or one after the next.

These books include some of the best advice I could give to live your life positively. While some of the advice in these books comes from personal experience, much of it comes from the timeless wisdom from around the world. To see further book recommendations, scroll to the bottom of this post.

2.     Surround Yourself with Positive People

Focus on those who have a positive outlook and who are working to improve themselves and their communities. In these times, as you may be isolated due to Covid, be sure to call or have a video chat with loved ones who tend to have a positive spirit. Of course, being around people who care about you and support you always makes you feel more positive.

3.     Share Your Concerns

When we are going through a difficult time, some people tend to withdraw or want to keep their thoughts and worries to themselves. Rather, it is important that we have family or someone close to us that we can confide in and share our troubles with. We should avoid dwelling too much on the negativity, but at the same time, it is important to acknowledge when something is troubling us, as this can help us to find a path forward through it. Even if you are sure that there is no solution or constructive way forward through your problems, it can still help to share them with people who you know will support you no matter what.

Personally, when I speak about my troubles out loud, I tend to realize that there is something I can do to make improvements. Then, this makes me feel more positive about the situation.

4.     Snap Out of It

If you get caught in negative thinking loops, don’t try to think your way out of the loop. Thinking sometimes leads us into further negativity, and instead, it is better to find something that can snap you out of it. I may do this by watching a standup comedian, playing a video game, going for a walk, being with nature, meditating, or even whistling along to music (you may prefer to sing or dance).

5.     Find Your Purpose

In my life, finding my purpose and meaning have been tremendously important. Without these, I tend to feel directionless and lost, and I would not be a very positive person. An overarching message I’ve seen in many books and places is that when you have a purpose, you develop the strong mindset needed to overcome anything. If something matters that much to you, then you will find a way to keep making progress. Essentially, the positive feeling you have toward what you truly care about will always outweigh the negativity or obstacles on your path when you have meaning and purpose.

6.     The Power of Now

There is great power in knowing how to be truly, truly present. When you are fully absorbed in what is happening Now, there is no room left in your mind for negativity. Negativity involves abstract ideas oftentimes, perhaps worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Still, the Now is the concrete reality that you are faced with every moment of your life. You can practice getting into the present by avoiding distractions, practicing meditation and mindfulness, and getting in the flow (see next point). To delve deeper into this topic, I recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

7.     Get in the Flow

When you are in Flow, you challenge yourself and focus completely on one thing, making your mind operate at its highest possible level. When you do this, there is no room for any negativity in your life. Working on your goal is all you have the time and energy for. To get into this state, I may play a challenging video game that requires all my focus or play a chess game. Otherwise, of course, I can work on writing a book or blog post.

To understand how to practice Flow in your life, read Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

8.     Let the Negativity Pass Through You

I don’t recall with certainty where I heard this advice, but I believe it was from one of the Dalai Lama’s books. The advice was that we should not hold onto negativity that others pass to us. Whenever someone directs negative energy toward me, I will visualize it as passing through me. When this happens to most people, they will acknowledge and hold onto it – becoming filled with hate and anger. If we do this, then we take this negative poison, and it can ruin our day. Instead, it is better to allow that negative energy to pass through you. You can choose not to allow it to make an impact on your life if you wish.

Do not hang onto the negativity that others toss your way. Release your grasp on it. Let it go.

I’m sure this can sound impractical and like wishful thinking. But I have practiced this for years, and it works for me. I was given an excellent opportunity to practice this today, as I just read the most scathing review of one of my books ever (0 out of 5 stars!). This reviewer found no value or use from one of my best books. I just let the negativity pass through me and spent no more time or energy on this after reading it.

9.     Take Meaningful Action

As mentioned before, you should work on snapping out of your negative thinking by getting away from your thoughts. One way to do this is to take meaningful action. A problem I have often seen, and that I’ve had myself, is that we get overwhelmed with a task, and then we get stuck thinking negatively about it. This becomes a vicious cycle, as then we don’t take action, and we don’t make progress. Then we may fall further and further behind, getting stuck in a negative thought loop.

Instead, I try to get in the zone of taking meaningful actions. For example, I don’t like to do the dishes, laundry, or other household chores, but I’ve learned to appreciate them because I see them as meaningful actions. Stop seeing your actions as worthless and inconsequential, and perceive the meaning in them. I do the dishes and the laundry to keep my living space clean and orderly because this makes me feel good. The messier my personal space becomes, the more chaotic my mind tends to become as well.

Even if you have a task that you truly cannot stand, but you have to do it, then the meaning should be to get it out of the way so that you can get to other activities you actually care about. I find that the more active I get, the less negative I tend to be. Of course, one way many people stay active and that helps them to combat negativity is to engage in physical exercise regularly.

10.  If Needed, Seek Professional Help

I am not a clinical psychologist, so my advice can be of limited value for someone who is struggling tremendously. After a certain point where your thoughts or behaviors prevent you from living your normal life or from making progress on your goals, you should consult a doctor, psychologist, or therapist. If you would like some professional help in book form, an excellent guide is From Depression to Contentment by Bob Rich, a retired psychotherapist with a lifetime of dealing with his own depression and helping clients work through it as well.

Final Thoughts

I have made great efforts to maintain a positive mindset and expect positive things to happen in my life while putting in the work to get there. All I can tell you is that these tips have worked very well for me. Of course, I understand that sometimes things happen outside of our control that can guide us into negativity. For that reason, we must Practice our Positivity regularly. This way, when we need it the most, we will know how to use it effectively to overcome the obstacles of our lives.

One of my blog posts discusses (on tip #7) how we can create happiness in our lives, even if we may be dealing with a situation that is not ideal. It’s an inspirational post on the life of Oliver James and how he is overcoming his struggles with learning to read at 34 years old.

Recommended Reading

7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By by I. C. Robledo

365 Quotes to Live Your Life By by I. C. Robledo

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

From Depression to Contentment by Bob Rich

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

The Book of Joy by Dalai Lama XIV

An Open Heart by Dalai Lama XIV

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Tools of Titans by Timothy Ferriss

It Runs Both Ways – What Flows Out Flows Back In

Today when you find yourself blaming someone else and absolving yourself fully of any responsibility, remember that it runs both ways.

When you get upset that a friend has not called you in a long time, remember that it works both ways. Perhaps you have not done your part in making this friendship work. Perhaps you have only thought of picking up the phone at times and not actually done it.

When you do your work halfheartedly and can’t wait until it’s time to go home all day, every day, then how can you be surprised to be met with this same halfhearted attitude everywhere you go? Perhaps you go to your boss, and he doesn’t seem to care about you or your life. You go to your kids, and they don’t care. You go to the store and ask for help finding something, but the person who works there isn’t concerned with your problems.

When you are lonely, and you want someone to be there for you and support you, ask yourself – what was the last time you were there for someone in need? Did someone want your help at some point, and you were not fully engaged in helping them? Perhaps you offered to help, but it was obvious you were not truly interested in being there.

When you are toxic and only see the negative in everything around you, pointing out the flaws and problems in all that you see constantly, how can you be surprised if the people around you become bitter and only see the negative in you? How can you be surprised when all they want to do is avoid you?

When you walk in the streets, distracted by your phone, and a vehicle almost hits you because the driver was distracted, how can you be upset by this? Sure, the driver of a vehicle is responsible for driving safely and paying attention. But isn’t someone who is walking around vehicles also responsible for walking safely and keeping his distance from vehicles?

When you are mad that all the people around you are selfish and only looking out for themselves, ask yourself – what have you done that was motivated by truly helping someone else, and not just to benefit yourself? And for whatever excuses you come up with, understand that the people around you who have acted selfishly probably have the same reasons.

When you expect or ask something from your subordinates, and you don’t live up to that standard yourself, you cannot be surprised when they lose respect for you. If you are going to ask the people below you to do something (e.g., to arrive on time), you should meet the same standard or better for yourself.

When you focus on punishing all the people around you for minor mistakes and wrongs, what else can we expect than them wanting us to be punished equally any time we would commit a minor mistake? You may argue – “No, this is different. I have a good reason.” But did you listen when other people had their reasons?

When you want to control someone else’s way of life because you don’t think they are smart enough or capable enough, how can you be surprised when someone who views himself as superior to you wants to do the same to you?

Whether poison or love, anything that flows out of you ultimately flows back in.

7 Reasons to Meditate

I have meditated on and off and to varying degrees for over 10 years now. On average, I meditate once or twice per week, about 10-20 minutes per session. I don’t view myself as an expert on meditation, but I have had some interesting experiences from it that may help you or that could make you curious enough to try it.

These are 7 reasons to meditate, based on my experiences practicing it.

1.     Separate your Thoughts from Yourself

I have come to understand on a deeper level that I am not my thinking. In fact, through meditation, I have been able to separate myself from my thoughts. The thoughts are there, but I do not cling to them, and in practicing this, I no longer see the thoughts as my true self. I can reflect on the thoughts and interpret them if I wish, but sometimes I decide that they are not so important, and they are not me, so I do not need to focus on those particular thoughts.

2.     Be Relaxed and Mentally at Ease

Now, if someone gives me a list to remember, I can do it more easily because I am not experiencing thoughts like “don’t forget this, it’s important” and “sometimes you struggle to remember lists, maybe you should write it down” and “if you forget this, you’re going to make them mad – so you better not forget.” Strangely, I don’t “feel” more focused – I feel relaxed like it’s all okay. If I forget or misunderstand, it’s fine. In that relaxed mode, I can comprehend more without needing to verbalize and picture everything in my mind. The information is absorbed more readily.

3.     Remember More Dreams and Experience Them More Vividly

This is good and bad. I have had some dreams where loved ones died, and of course, this was troubling because I experienced it very vividly and realistically, and then later, I was able to remember the dream fully. However, I find it interesting to remember precisely what happens in my dreams - sometimes, I use this to reflect on my life path.

Ultimately, meditation has helped me to be mindful, present, and aware, and so it makes sense that by doing this in my dreams, I can experience them more vividly and remember them better. Rather than just dreams, I believe that my memory has improved in general through meditation. I believe this is because my mind is not considering all of the unimportant - and can focus fully on what is actually relevant at any given time.

4. Understand Your Dark Side

In meditation, if I am anxious or overly worried, sometimes dark thoughts or visualizations pop up, “interfering” with the meditation process. This used to worry me, but now I believe that rather than being an interference, it is a necessary part of meditation. Rather than dwelling on these dark thoughts or visualizations, I can see them and observe them without needing to fear, worry, or even react to them. I can see them without needing to allow them to affect me.

If this happens to you and you find it disturbing, you can always take a break from meditation or pursue an expert that can help you to work through this and benefit from the experience, rather than getting stuck at this point.

5.     Enter a Mode of “No-Thought.”

Many people may think this means thoughtlessness or mindlessness, but they are not the same. We tend to believe that those who think more are smarter or more capable somehow, but this isn’t necessarily the case. The more time I spend in no thought, the better I can accomplish my goals in life. The mind naturally runs wild and goes all over the place, thinking of things that are irrelevant or unhelpful or even harmful to us. I am more at peace in no thought, and I feel free not to be concerned with everything that the world focuses on. When I need to or choose to engage in thought, I can accomplish what I need to in a highly efficient way. Through meditations, I can produce the least amount of thoughts to meet my objectives – that seems to be the goal, anyway.

6.     Free Yourself from Negativity (or Negative Thinking Patterns)

Sometimes during meditation, I actually visualize or imagine that my neurons or neural networks are being freed from needing to create certain harmful or irrelevant pathways. For example, if I had a negative experience with someone in the past, does that mean my brain should forever associate that person with negative things? Perhaps it is better for my brain to literally rewire and stop needing to connect that person to certain negative ideas. I will imagine myself being released from these harmful patterns. And I think it works. I’m not sure if it works because I imagine it this way or if it works as an automatic feature of the meditation process. In time, I have spent very little energy thinking about things that I perceive as negative. I am aware of the negativity when it is there, but I do not create extra negativity in my mind by dwelling on it or cycling through it.

As a side benefit, I can often see through the negativity of daily life, and I find myself laughing at it - sometimes only mentally if it is inappropriate to actually laugh out loud. Many of us in this life get stuck in needing to react to the negativity around us. In doing so, we generate and spread our own negativity. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at the irony that people tend to react to negativity by spreading more of it. When your faucet is leaking, do you react to this by pouring extra water on top of it?

I am grateful that meditation helps me to avoid needing to repeat negative thinking cycles and negative behavioral patterns that I may have committed in my past. I can be free.

7.     Feel Interconnected with Everything

When I fall deeper into meditation, which is not always easy to achieve, I can reach a point where I do not sense my own body or mind. Rather, I may feel as if I am one with everything around me. This is not so easy to explain, but rather than being an active being with a goal or needs to accomplish something, I become just another point of awareness. I can still hear and feel, but I will manage to at least temporarily extinguish thought, the desire for thought, the desire to extinguish thought, and the desire to interpret thought.

This means that for any sensory experience I have, it seems as if it is important just for the sake of the experience itself, not because of how it relates to a self or a prior thought. I lose the sense of self, as I lose my ego. The experience may be or sound scary to some, but when you get there gradually through deeper meditations, it is a pleasant experience. If you reach this stage enough, some of the insights gained here will transfer to your daily life.

Final Thoughts

As a caveat, I cannot be certain that I have had all of these experiences due to meditation. However, sometimes I meditate to help me work through a problem, and the more I meditate, the more quickly I tend to work through those issues. I do not take any medicines regularly, so this has been my regular dose of healing in my life. Also, keep in mind that I generally practice mindfulness and work on improving my awareness. I view these as all related to meditation. To me, mindfulness is just about practicing meditation in your daily life and actions, rather than only practicing it alone and in silence (as traditionally expected).

Overall, I think meditation helps to have greater and deeper insights into life that cannot easily be put into words. You can read I. C. Robledo’s Thoughts (this site) and intellectually understand certain ideas. But some things need to be experienced directly to truly understand them on a level deeper than the intellect allows.

For example, how much does the intellect help you to understand love? How much does it help you to understand a beautiful sunset? How much does it help you to understand cruelty? Some things cannot be figured out intellectually and must be experienced to see it for what it truly is.

Meditation can provide some of those types of experiences. However, keep in mind that I have meditated for many years. If you need to see rewards immediately, then this may not be a useful path.

I believe we should all have some form of meditative experiences, but some people may prefer other routes – physical exercise, yoga, spending time in nature, mindfulness, or journaling. If meditation doesn’t work for you, try something else.

As a final note, if you are not familiar with the meditation process, countless books and sites explain it. There are many different types and ways to practice meditation. Since you can find this information easily anywhere, I have decided not to go through it here.