The World No Longer Surprises Me

When you see what is happening in this world for what it actually is, it is difficult to be surprised.

Look at nature, and animals often do unpredictable things. We call them wild animals. Those unpredictable actions help them to stay alive. We are animals too, perhaps with more patterned ways of behaving, but we can still be unpredictable. It seems that if unpredictability is useful for survival in some ways, then expecting that unpredictability from others and our environment is also advantageous.

As they say, expect the unexpected.

Sometimes I wonder why anyone would ever be surprised.

Understand that because something appears in a certain way does not mean it is that way. Because one event has transpired the same way twenty times in the past does not mean it will happen that way in the future. Because someone treats you as a friend does not necessarily mean that his intentions are pure. Also, having experienced long spans of prosperity or failure does not mean the same will continue.

Consider that the most horrific event of your life could have a tremendously positive outcome that no one could have foreseen. And also, the greatest triumph of your life could have unexpected terrible consequences.

In light of the above observations, I am no longer surprised by what I see. The shock of seeing the depths of the ills can only go so long until it becomes nothing new.

If you have seen the world, you cease to be surprised by the tremendous ills that happen, which have no good reason or purpose but just happen and cause pain and destruction. Particularly, I mean the ills that we humans have created for ourselves and others in our lives.

Given enough time, the things we thought would not happen, or could not happen, will tend to occur. Just wait and see. (This reminds me of Murphy’s Law).

Consider: Would a cat’s head look at its tail and be surprised by how this part of itself is entirely different from the rest? Similarly, would one human be surprised at another just because they may not conform to each other in any way?

Many of us are not surprised when shocking events happen elsewhere, in another country, where the people have different laws and customs. But when it happens in our backyard, we are surprised. We don’t expect it to happen to us.

We may be jaded at the bad that happens to others, losing the space in our hearts to care, but we still feel unjustly wronged when it happens to us. And then, of course, we will feel more wronged if we realize that people don’t care about our misfortunes and troubles.

And I wonder if we should allow ourselves to feel the pain more acutely that is in the world, or at least the pain in those closest to us. Feel what it is doing to them and their lives and to you by being connected to that life. Don’t feel it so deeply that you can’t handle it and don’t know how to manage it. Rather, feel it enough so that you know you have felt it, and do what you are called to do because of that pain. Then allow that feeling to pass and move on with your life.

It is when we ignore the pain of the world and the people around us that we are truly shocked when that pain finally hits home. But if we have gained some practice in feeling that pain along the way, we can better manage it when it is our turn. We will feel peace knowing we did what we could to process, understand, and perhaps heal some pain.

Do not get stuck in the pain and dwell on it, but do feel it and use it as a way to better understand the human experience.

There are different ways to know pain. You may feel the pain as an insider, as someone experiencing it, knowing it, and needing to deal with the reality of it. Or you may not truly feel the pain as an outsider, as someone hearing a story about an event, perhaps reading statistics rather than feeling the experience. We can know the pain intellectually, or we can know it in our hearts.

We should sometimes dare to feel the pain as an insider, to truly feel it. Then we won’t be as jaded, and we will see that we can do something to help others who are in true pain, and we are not helpless and innocent bystanders to it. We are connected to it somehow.

Their pain can be shared with us, which may somehow lighten the load and deepen our human experience.

There will always be events that shock the world. This is simply the reality.

But keep in mind that a surprising negative event, when it happens anywhere in the world, can always be met by an equally surprising force for good.

When you are called upon, will you be there?

The most wonderful surprise will be when we surprise ourselves with an overflowing good that we had not allowed to come out before.

As I have stated, the world itself will cease to surprise one who has understood what it is.

But do not rule out the possibility of surprising yourself. That may be in the form of joyful spontaneity, or it may be in the form of doing good in the face of terrible darkness. This ability to always surprise oneself is a part of our life’s force, what it means to be alive.

Make Value Instead of Just Taking It

As tax season is here, I’ve been thinking about money and finances. I am in a new tax situation since I moved back to the US last year, so I searched for the most effective CPA (Certified Public Accountant) for my needs, and that offered the lowest rate.

I’ve made some mistakes when it comes to hiring companies in the past. I repeated a pattern many times of looking for the one with the best reviews. Unfortunately, I’ve come to find that reviews are often bought and paid for. Many businesses like myself do things the right way, but unfortunately, the ones that do not end up casting doubt on all of us.

One time, I spoke with the marketing consultant of a car shop. She gave me a ride home while my car was being repaired. On that ride, she offered me $50 to write a positive review for the car shop. I ended up declining, as it didn’t feel right. She had so little faith in the business she worked for. If she had just asked me, I probably would have done it for free. The business did provide a good service, after all.

Lately, whenever I buy anything from Amazon, the manufacturer sends a note to my address asking for a review. One even had the gall to send me a link that would automatically fill in a 5-star rating for them. I quickly unclicked the 5-star rating and left the site. As an author, I know the dire need for reviews. We must get noticed, or we are destined to fail. But there is no need to trick people into leaving a positive review.

Have a bit of patience. If your product or service is truly that good, people will notice.

So if not reviews, how do we decide on who to hire? Well, I have twice hired big roofing companies to do some repair work. In both cases, I realized that all these companies did was hire independent workers to get the job done. I’ve noticed this pattern with other big companies I’ve hired. They end up hiring people who will do the work cheaply. And often, much of the rest goes to advertising or potentially even paying for reviews to ensure they have a steady stream of customers willing to pay the big bucks.

One of these roofing companies failed to complete much of the work properly. I noticed mistake after mistake and called them back so they would finish the job properly. Even if you pay a lot of money to a company, you should still check their work. Sometimes receiving their pay is the primary concern, rather than doing a good job.

Recently, when I hired my CPA, I avoided big companies or firms with a variety of CPAs and tax advisors working for them. Instead, I looked for an independent worker. The one I ended up going with only had one review on Google, but I figured maybe his rates would actually be reasonable. When I gave him a call, he immediately found a deduction I can take that will actually more than cover the fee I end up paying him. I did call some bigger companies to see what would happen. They charged twice as much as him, and none of them mentioned this large deduction I was eligible for. He has spent at least an hour of his time just on phone calls with me and will not charge me for this. A big company either won’t offer that at all or will charge for such consultations.

The real topic I want to discuss today is making value. What does that mean? The way society works now, many of us want to funnel as much money into our own bank accounts as possible. Realistically, who wouldn’t like to have more money? And who wouldn’t like to get it without having to work more for it? The problem is that this mindset isn’t about making value. It’s about taking it.

The “taking value” mindset at its worst becomes about putting in the minimum effort, shifting blame onto others when things go wrong, taking credit when things go right, charging for every possible thing you can charge for even if it burdens the client, and generally putting your income first and the client last.

When we do this, who are we shortcutting, exactly? If significant chunks of the population work this way, then society itself is being robbed.

If someone pays $1,000 for a CPA that will have his assistant do the taxes cheaply, for a true value of about $200, then that CPA is just considered smart in our society. If he does this and it works, and clients continue to pay him, it seems no one is really losing here. But what if that CPA goes to the market, and he buys some apples that are on sale. They’re half price. But when he gets home, half of them have worms in them. The other half are fine. So it turns out he paid full price for these apples because half had gone bad. And if it were me, I’d throw them all out, as I would have lost faith in them.

You may think that these two scenarios demonstrate the same idea, but one involves much more money.

But it’s not the same thing at all. In the scenario above, the CPA who charged $1,000 for a $200 service got away with taking value. No one really noticed that he sucked $800 into his pockets without doing the work.

With the market scenario, a business that sold apples on sale with worms in them would probably lose customers quite fast. I would certainly doubt the quality of my market if that ever happened to me. So, the value hasn’t been taken there. Not in the long-term, anyway. The market owner may have made extra money on a transaction but lost a customer for the long haul.

But lately, I wonder how many people in society have successfully found ways to take value from us? They take value from society, but of course, it is legal because clients have willingly paid up. In some cases, this taking of value may be seen in what we call “hidden fees,” where you sign a 20-page contract with a company and then are surprised at all of the fees you unknowingly agreed to pay. Another example may be with companies that take your money upfront for a service, then they do not provide the promised service, and they refuse to give a refund. And, of course, some companies try to hook you on recurring fees, then if you stop using the service, they still happily keep charging you.

The above cases are clear cut and involve taking value. But unfortunately, sometimes, it can be difficult to know when value is taken and how much of it is taken. The simple argument I always hear is that if someone is willing to pay a certain amount for a service, then that is what it is worth. Well, sure, but it’s not always that simple. If you are an expert, you are supposed to know what your service is truly worth. A naïve client with a lack of experience in a field will have difficulty knowing whether he is truly getting what he paid for. Sometimes, a naïve client will pay more than a service is worth, but he would never have paid it if he had known that.

I would urge us to look for more ways to make value, rather than always needing to take it. This is an odd thing to even think about because phrased another way, I’m asking you if you can find a way to make less money.

Most people I know, especially business people, are focused on earning more, which becomes a key motivator. But to make sure we are making value rather than just taking it, sometimes we should ask if we could earn less money and if that would still be okay. Or, to view this a different way, can you provide more value than what you are getting paid for, and is that still okay?

I’m sure that my proposal of “making value” can become frustrating for those paid at the lower ends. Perhaps you have a boss that already pays you low wages. To go the extra mile and provide more value seems practically foolish. Why would you do this? Well, in that situation, I wouldn’t think about your boss as much as I would think about the clients involved. The clients are real people who need your help, presumably.

Set aside thoughts about whether you are being paid properly, and be a real person for the clients that you are there to help. Perhaps you don’t work with clients directly – that is fine too. If you work with products, those products will eventually make their way to clients. Then focus on making the best products that you can.

We are in a pandemic right now. I hate to see that some of us will lose our humanity, striving to take value rather than make it. People need our humanity to shine through now, more than ever.

One of my insurance providers connects me with the same real individual every time I have any concern or question. And this person, Trevor, treats me like a real human being. He is there to help me with anything and make me feel comfortable and happy with the service. The service he provides extends beyond just being about the insurance itself. It is about being a real person and providing a positive and valuable experience. Sometimes when I call him, it feels like I’m chatting with an old friend who happens to work in insurance.

I have gotten about 10 messages from competitors telling me that I qualify for a lower rate than what this insurance provider is giving me. But I decided that I trust Trevor and the service he provides. I’m convinced that Trevor and his company are about making value and not just taking it away. And by the way, Trevor works at a very large company, so it’s not impossible for big companies to make value. Unfortunately, it’s just rare.

Ask yourself if you’re making value or just taking it away. Generally, those who earn less money are making more value. Those who we find the need to thank for their work are often making more value than they are paid for. If this is you, keep looking for ways to make value.

Those who make more money should consider if they are making as much value as they can. Are you more focused on billing for everything that you possibly can, perhaps with hidden fees, or are you focused on actually providing a service that makes clients happy and feeling good about the work you provided?

Something intriguing to me about our society is that often the ones making the most value for all of us will be the ones who receive the least compensation for their efforts. And the ones who focus all their energy on taking value at every step of the way are often rewarded for this, earning more and more. But that pattern does not make it right. We should consider if we can make a change, somehow.

As we are in a pandemic, one way to make value is to consider if some people cannot afford your service due to their personal hardships. In such cases, can you offer a lower rate to some people who are in need? Can you afford to work for free in a few rare cases? If you work at a company and cannot work for free, can you offer free guidance or help on the weekends? Even if you do this occasionally, it is still a way to make value.

Every day, I aim to put my dollars in places that focus more on making value, not just taking it. I would urge you to spend your money on givers, not just takers. When you see a business that does not seem to care about the customers and wants to make a lot of money without caring how they do it, start looking for another place to spend your money.