Empty Your Cup

My doctor recently asked me if I had any pre-existing conditions.

But has anyone ever asked you this?:

Do you have any pre-existing ideas?

Do you have any ideas that are affecting your day-to-day life, making it difficult for you to get your work done, to focus, or sleep? Are there any ideas that have caused you to expect bad things to happen all around you? Are there any ideas that have led you into a downward spiral of internal negativity? Are there any ideas that could enable you to hurt someone?

Are there any false ideas that you have allowed to guide you and influence you in your everyday life?

With so many ideas floating around in our lives, it’s difficult to be clear-headed, isn’t it? For anything we look at or anything we do, a flood of ideas comes tumbling in. Some of these ideas we don’t even consciously perceive, but they come flooding in and we drink them up.

But what would it mean if we could just empty the cup that is the mind?

Then perhaps we would find peace, freedom, get rid of our “need” to chase people or things, perhaps gaining clarity and focus.

What if like a child, you could stop having any need for ideas at all?

The young child eats or laughs or touches real things. He has no need for theories, beliefs, or ideas. What is there is what is there, and that is all.

The young child is almost incapable of being contaminated with ideas. But the adult has lost that immunity. We are susceptible to all kinds of ideas.

I am not anti-idea. Of course, there is some value in ideas. But there may be a greater danger in allowing the wrong ideas to lead us astray. That is what we have to watch out for.

It’s tremendously difficult to see the person in front of you, isn’t it, when we are loaded with pre-existing ideas. We are more likely to see a reflection of all our ideas instead of that person. I like this thing about that person, or I don’t like that thing. These are the types of thoughts that we will get reflected back to us based on our preexisting ideas.

Understand that whether the ideas are positive or negative, they are still ideas that lead you to think in particular ways. The pre-existing ideas cloud your ability to see what is actually there, and rather, you see what you had already believed or expected was going to be there.

In looking at the world around us, all that some of us will ever be doing is exploring the nature of our own minds. We see the pre-existing ideas that we hold, present in all the people and things around us. We do not see what is there anymore.

With so many ideas floating in our world - how is anyone supposed to empty the cup?

Some of us may use techniques to empty the cup – such as meditation, yoga, running, or other exercises. The issue is that when you finish with that exercise, the cup fills quickly again.

And if our cup is full, we are just imbibing what is in our own cup, perhaps obsessing over it, looping it in our minds over and over again. When we create stories in our minds, these ideas have truly latched onto us, and we become more and more convinced of them. Then we discuss these stories with others, and maybe we convince them or not. But in telling the stories, we convince ourselves more and more that we are right. We think our ideas are correct, and all the other ones are wrong.

And that feels safe, doesn’t it? It feels safe for us to think we have it figured out. It’s riskier to venture out and try to learn what is actually out there. By learning, I do not refer to acquiring preexisting ideas from others. I refer to an attempt to observe and understand reality, rather than forcing your preexisting ideas upon that reality. But where or when was this ability taught to us? It was not.

It’s risker to think to yourself: Maybe these ideas in my mind don’t actually represent what is happening out there in the world. Maybe these ideas just gave me comfort, but now it could be time to let them go.

Look around with an empty cup, an empty mind, and dare to see what is there, without needing to imbibe it. Perhaps you succeed at emptying your cup for a moment, and you stop in the street to talk to someone. He talks to you and fills you with ideas. Then you talk to someone else, and she fills you with more ideas. And you find it a struggle to let go of all those ideas that you know are not doing you much of any good. At night, your mind is flooded with all the ideas that you learned throughout the day. Perhaps you even dream of them.

So we see, keeping your cup empty is not easy, and you will merely get to inner peace just to lose it again, as new things rush in to fill it. And so the practice becomes to empty your cup at every chance, even when knowing that this process will be disrupted over and over again.

If you learn to keep your cup empty, even for a short while, it will not feel natural. You will resist it. But stay the course and see for yourself what it means to empty your cup. What will happen is just that rather than spreading your pre-existing ideas to the world, you may find that there is a world beyond ideas to fill your cup with. Some may fill it with love or peace or gratitude or hope, rather than ideas, for example. And also, even if your cup is filled with nothing at all, this is not the end of the world.

You can find joy with nothing in your cup. It can be done. Remember that the purpose of emptying your cup was not just to fill it again with another set of preexisting ideas.

Dealing with Resistance

How do you deal with it when you feel a heavy resistance in you, not wanting to move forward with your current life path?

You may find that you live for the weekends or are often bored or miserable in your daily tasks. Perhaps you want a short break, a vacation, or to forget about your life altogether.

When we meet this resistance, where we have been assigned task after task that we are not prepared for or have no interest in, what can we do?

The first thing we will probably do is try to push through it. Your instinct is to keep going even when you don’t want to, right? You may think that sometimes you can fight your way through the resistance, perhaps even ignoring that it exists.

But usually, we will push through, and then we’re met with more and more resistance. You may even come to feel like a heavy, powerful force is holding you back. This becomes a force that is outside of your control – and you can only react to it.

You cannot tell the resistance to go away. The more you want it to go away, the stronger it gets.

When the resistance is strong enough, we cannot focus properly, and we will make mistake after mistake in our work. Our tasks will all be done without motivation, and the results will show. After a certain point, some of us may begin to feel guilty, as if we are failing to accomplish something. The resistance is at fault, yet we feel guilty for not moving forward as we are supposed to.

Perhaps your boss or colleagues are becoming aware that something is wrong - you are not working as efficiently as you used to. They may confront you about this, but in the end, they probably don’t want to hear about your “resistance” or personal problems. They want you to get the work done.

This is the time to go home and reflect.

Is the type of task you are facing simply boring and unfulfilling? Are you being led in a way that does not work for you? We have to identify what the problem is – why are we facing this powerful resistance?

Is there a lack of meaning in what you do? Does it feel like you are just filling time with things to do rather than having a deep purpose in your actions? Did you enjoy these tasks at one point – but now you don’t?

After you have reflected, consider all of your options. Often, our first reaction is to plow through. Then when that doesn’t work, we become frustrated with ourselves and begin to feel like failures. Then upon reflection, we may feel that there is a real problem, but perhaps we do not know how to fix it.

What if you can’t fix the problem giving you this resistance because it’s out of your control?

Maybe the boss decides your tasks, and he won’t be interested in hearing about your troubles. He wants the work done, and he doesn’t care about anything else.

Rather than pushing forward or giving up, perhaps there are ways to pivot. Maybe you can find a way to do your work in a different way that is more interesting or meaningful.

Perhaps you are stuck in resistance because you have decided that you must do your work in one specific way, which is not working for you. Maybe there is another way for you to meet your objectives, where you can even have fun or challenge yourself in a way that motivates you.

Of course, if you try these options and the resistance rises again, sometimes the resistance is telling us that we are on the wrong path.

After a certain point, you may be faced with a key choice – continue on your path, and continue to face the resistance day after day, perhaps even year after year, or seek another way.

Some people fear change or the opinions of others, and so they may choose the path of resisting themselves year after year. You will see the wear and tear on their faces as the seasons pass.

Understand that the resistance isn’t truly coming from outside of us, your boss, or your work obligations. In the end, it is coming from within you. A force inside of you is telling you, “This isn’t working.” This is just a signal that it is time to change something in your life. You may need a new job, relationship, a new place to live, or you may need to leave the situation that led up to all this resistance within you.

As a caveat to walking away from the resistance, consider this. Before you give up on something, ask yourself if you are looking for the easy road or if there is something truly wrong with the scenario. We should not give up too easily in life, but some things are indeed worth giving up on. Some resistances empower us and help us grow and improve, and others hold us back, keeping us from becoming our best selves.

If you find yourself resisting something that is ultimately good for you, be prepared to let down your guard and take in the experience. However, when you resist something that is robbing your time, energy, and life, then it is time to consider another route.

From Inner Focus to Outer Focus

I am extremely self-reflective. You may notice I reflect about myself, society, and even the universe.

However, at certain points, I have created so many problems that self-reflection couldn’t fix them.

When you don’t know what path to go on in life, and you’ve had limited experiences, can just thinking it through truly solve this? Instead, you may need to seek out new experiences to learn more deeply what you truly want to do.

When you have constant troubles with your spouse or significant other and every day is like walking on eggshells, is self-reflection going to resolve these issues that have built up over the years? Instead, you may need to communicate more effectively.

When you are drowning in your own self-created misery, anxiety, depression, guilt, or whatever it may be, is thinking through the thoughts that created that misery going to help? Instead, you may need to find ways to get away from your own toxic thoughts and participate more fully in the real world - get physically active, spend time with friends, or take up a hobby.

The great challenge of helping yourself or even helping others is that there is no one solution that works in all cases. I am a great proponent of self-reflection and learning about ourselves. But sometimes, the solutions to life’s troubles don’t come from within.

Sometimes we have to pay attention to what is happening around us. We have to become more in tune with what is outside of us and beyond our own small corner of the universe.

Many of our self-created problems come from assuming that we are much more important than we are. In such cases, focusing more deeply on ourselves may create more problems rather than helping to resolve them.

There are two primary forms of focus that we can employ in this life. There is Inner Focus and Outer Focus.

Inner Focus

With inner focus, you are aware of your thoughts, problems, how everything affects you, and your feelings. This can be good so that you are aware and conscious of how you are living your life.

But if your inner focus becomes too powerful or extreme, this can become like a gaping black hole that sucks you deep into yourself, to the point that it becomes difficult to escape from yourself. You can reach a point where you are stuck in your own thoughts and feelings, unable to perceive anything beyond your own miseries and problems. This is clearly counterproductive.

The trick is to catch yourself sinking into yourself deeper and deeper like quicksand and to do something about it before you truly get stuck.

Outer Focus

With outer focus, we are attuned to what is going on around us. You can see the nature around you, whether people, birds, squirrels, insects, or even plants and trees. You wake up to the fact that there is so much going on all around you. Birds are feeding their young. Bees are pollinating the flowers. A child that scraped his knees is calling for his mother.

Despite that your mind focuses most of its energy on yourself, you are not the center of the universe.

In seeing deeply into what is happening around you, it helps to diffuse your own personal problems. The more your focus is on what is happening outside of you, the smaller you and your problems seem by comparison.

I used outer focus to overcome a great fear of mine. In graduate school (a decade ago), I needed to deliver presentations regularly. Usually, every month or two, I needed to do this. But I had stage fright. As a child, I sometimes skipped school on days when I was expected to present. As an adult, I realized that skipping out was not a real option. This would not help me or anyone.

In trying to overcome my fear of public speaking, I examined myself more and more closely. What will people think if I mess up? What if I forget what I wanted to say? What if I don’t know the answer to someone’s question? I could easily fail and look stupid, and people could laugh at me. To make matters worse, possibly, I was a fairly shy, quiet individual.

The way to resolve this thinking was so simple that I was surprised when I realized the solution. The solution was to put my focus on others, not on myself. If I’m about to present, and I think, “Don’t mess this up,” then this is setting things up horribly.

Of course, I learned my material and studied it carefully, and I practiced my presentations several times. But what truly made the difference was that I changed my frame of mind.

I stopped thinking about how I was going to look. I developed a mindset where I no longer cared about myself. I focused instead outwardly on helping others. I viewed my presentation as me teaching my classmates something new. I was there to help them understand a new topic. I wasn’t there to scrutinize my every thought and move. The more I focused outwardly, the better I was able to present. I became concerned with them and their learning process, not my own appearance. After a few presentations thinking in this way, I no longer feared it.

Self-reflection is a useful skill to have. We must be cautious because it can become a harmful habit if we reach the point of Self-obsession.

I have heard of some people who were very ill – they suffered daily with fragile health. They took medications or treatments that were so strong it left them feeling weak. Yet some of these people worked intensely and performed at such a high level that people were amazed at what they could accomplish - the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg comes to mind.

Some of the world’s highest performers have this figured out. It isn’t about themselves - it’s about what greater good they can do for others.

Perhaps we will surprise ourselves when we stop getting sucked into our own daily pains and problems and instead focus outside of ourselves on helping those around us and the solutions we can provide.

Today, open your eyes and truly see what is happening around you. Let go of the pains and problems within, and focus on what is happening outside of yourself, beyond your small corner of the universe.