Expanding Empathy

It’s important in these times more than ever that we expand our empathy. This means that we should aim to understand what other people are going through, not just on an intellectual level but on the level of emotion and feeling.

Let’s consider what empathy is. It is feeling and knowing what someone else is going through on a deep, emotional, personal level.

At its base level, to empathize, you must ask yourself, have I ever gone through a similar experience as such a person? (e.g., next time you witness suffering, ask yourself this question). Or, to go a bit deeper, you may ask if you can understand what this person is feeling and going through.

If you have had a similar experience, you may possess a natural empathy for this person, as you can easily understand what they are going through. When we consider family and close friends, we can empathize somewhat more easily, as we have many shared experiences. We are also much more likely to have either gone through similar pains as them or to have a close connection to their pains just through our close connection with them.

The above forms of empathy are not to be taken for granted, despite that for some people, these sorts of empathy come more naturally. I believe that people should focus first on empathizing with those closest to them to build up their empathy skills. We can always aim to improve our empathic abilities, perhaps by aiming to listen more deeply, to observe body language more closely, or to feel what someone is feeling more deeply.

However, in these times more than ever, we must expand our empathy beyond just our close family and friends to neighbors, strangers, and people who are outside of our affiliations (outside of our religion, race, socioeconomic status, etc.). This is a challenge, but one that will pay great dividends for society.

Particularly, I would like to emphasize that those in power should empathize more with those who have less power. Those of a dominant or predominant class should empathize more with those not in a dominant class. Men should empathize more with women, and people with access to great wealth and resources should empathize more with those who do not have these things. A key reason for this suggestion is to restore balance in society. Those who are powerless are forced to understand powerful people as they run the world. Those who are minorities are forced to understand the predominant groups as they run the world. Women are forced to understand men, as historically, the world has been run by them. We should come to understand the inherent privilege and perhaps injustice in this, and those in the predominant or dominant classes should take a moment from their days regularly to consider life from another angle.

Much of the pain and suffering in this world may arise just from those in minority or less privileged groups feeling that they are not heard, taken seriously, or seriously considered – that they are just invisible and irrelevant, which is one of the worst feelings a person could have. In reality, all sides should empathize with each other more, but it will help restore balance when the highly privileged work to empathize with the less privileged.

We should learn that empathy is a key step for us to take actions that help one another. Those who fail to empathize will see no reason to take such actions, of course. When we do learn to empathize more deeply, we will be prepared to build better societies for ourselves and our families.

On your journey to expanding your empathy, first aim to empathize with yourself (treat yourself with love and kindness, and not just judgment), then your nuclear family, extended family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, strangers like you, strangers unlike you (e.g., with different backgrounds and worldviews), then to animals you are familiar with, then to animals you are unfamiliar with, then to all life, then to all nonlife, then to all.

At the final stages of expanding your empathy, you will see yourself in everyone. You come to understand that there are only so many emotions or combinations of them, and we are all capable of having them. When you see yourself in everyone, you will do your best to help everyone who walks into your life, as if it were your brother or sister or even yourself.

To the practical person who thinks these are nice thoughts, but we cannot help and save everyone, I would say that my focus is on getting us to progress in stages. Progress doesn’t happen overnight but in gradual stages. It is up to us to choose that journey of improvement for ourselves.

Here are some techniques we can use to begin to expand our empathy as communities:

• When you see suffering, take a moment to consider what this person is going through deeply. Imagine what their day may have been like. Then from there, imagine what their whole life may have been like.

• Read or listen to first-hand stories written from the minority or oppressed perspective. This means that the author should be a minority or oppressed, or the author should at least have interviewed such people.

• Read historical accounts that honestly try to understand the perspective of minority and oppressed peoples – this may include looking into Native American history, African American history, Hispanic American history, the history and struggles of women, etc.

• Try to make a meaningful human connection with someone outside your socioeconomic status, with different world views, a different religion, etc. Do not feel the need to convince them or to be convinced of anything. Just open your mind and learn why and how this person is the way he is.

• Watch international movies or movies directed by people from different backgrounds and cultures. This may involve watching movies with subtitles.

• Learn another language – if you try to learn and study a language seriously, you will learn directly what it is like to be the outsider, the one who feels foolish, does not understand, and is sometimes mistreated. Imagine visiting another country and only speaking their language in a broken/basic way. This is a humbling experience.

• Listen to music from other cultures and regions, perhaps some that is in another language. If it is in another language, look up what the lyrics mean.

When you successfully expand your empathy, you will become interested in engaging in more community acts of kindness.