The Unknowing Teacher

Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.

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The Unknowing Teacher is something that many of us have in our lives and fail to be grateful for. This is someone who teaches you but without meaning to. Usually, this person isn’t a teacher by profession, and they are not teaching you specific lessons on purpose. Instead, they teach you based on the poor decisions that they have made in their lives, and you are the one who gets to see the results of those choices.

When we see people who have made poor choices in their lives, we can see why they now have a bad situation in life. They retired too young, and now they are broke; they ignored their children, and now those children have grown to become criminals; they took everything personally, and now they are perpetually unhappy; they drank every weekend instead of pursuing their dreams, and now their life is filled with regret.

The unknowing teacher teaches us a lot about what we should not do, how we should not live, and what to avoid in our lives. Such a person is a great resource to have and to witness because sometimes we need a reminder of where the bad paths in life will lead us. Be grateful for these people when you see them and learn from their example.

If someone very close to you is an unknowing teacher – perhaps a parent or a sibling, do not feel sorry for yourself. Simply through your everyday exposure to such a person, you will be able to immunize yourself from leading the same type of life. You will see all the bad behaviors that lead to negative outcomes and learn that this is not the life for you.

Remember this: Heed the lessons of the unknowing teacher carefully, or risk becoming one yourself.

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7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 1)

Introduction

There is a lot to learn from chess. Importantly, much of what you learn in chess can transfer beyond the game itself and into life. If you enjoy the game, I hope you read this post. And even if you do not play, I hope you still read this – you may be encouraged to learn the game or teach your kids or grandkids how to play. And, of course, you may be able to absorb some of the lessons mentioned here without needing to actually play chess.

I have enjoyed the game of chess for quite a long time. I first learned the rules of the game at around 14 years old. I played occasionally from there, but I didn’t begin to truly learn the game until I was around 18 years old. I got very interested in the game then and began to play online more often. From around 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using Chessmaster, a computer program to play and get better at chess. I listened to most of Josh Waitzkin’s videos on there – he was excellent at explaining useful thought processes and strategies. I also read some books and did tactics training to improve.

Although I do not have an official rating, I believe my level of play is at around an 1800 FIDE rating. According to Chess.com, I’m roughly in the top 5% of chess players.

By the way, Josh Waitzkin wrote a book called The Art of Learning, which I deeply enjoyed reading. If you are interested in learning how to learn from someone who has mastered multiple fields, the book is worth checking out.

Let’s proceed with some of the lessons I have learned from playing chess:

1.     Fundamentals

Every sport or game usually has certain fundamentals that you must master and truly understand to ever get good. Chess is the same – some of the fundamentals are that you should aim to control the center, not move the same piece twice in the opening, and protect your king. Also, you should not bring out your queen (the most powerful piece) too early. There are many rules like this in life as well. They can be broken, but only if you are good at evaluating the risks and if you truly know what you are doing (both in chess and life).

In life, there are many fundamentals that we must stick to if we hope to lead our best life. A fundamental thought for me has been to only focus on what I can control. With this fundamental thought, I have been able to let go of the things in life that are completely irrelevant. Even if something is important, if I have no control over it, there is no point in worrying about it. Most of the key fundamentals in life focus on the mind, body, or spiritual side.

2.     Discipline

I have no idea as to the number of hours I have spent on chess. In the past, it was not unusual for me to spend hours on the game every day. These days, I may spend 10 minutes on chess per day, although I don’t play every day. When I play, it is usually just for fun – I do not put much effort into improving my game. Perhaps I have reached my peak, as to improve my abilities at this point would require rigorous study. Keep in mind that the better you get at something, the more work it requires to improve. When you are a novice, you can improve rapidly in a short period of time.

From around 18-22 years old, I would play through my games slowly and thoughtfully, and if I lost a game, I would study it carefully to see what I did wrong. I listened to many videos by Masters or Grandmasters (e.g., the highest possible chess title). I read books, and I studied different aspects of the game. I enjoyed the journey toward getting better at chess. To me, this was all for fun. Perhaps I am strange in this way, but I recall being willing to spend a great deal of time thinking through a single move. I wanted to make sure that I had not failed to see some spectacular possibilities. I attempted to consider practically every move. My natural way was often to think deliberately and carefully, even in real life. However, in real life, people often get fed up – they value quick decision-making. But in the game, and perhaps in real life, I wanted to make the best move, no matter what it cost me in time. Then for the games I lost, I would check on the mistakes I had made. In real life, if I made mistakes, I would also think about what I could have done better.

The key learning experience here was the value of discipline. Getting better at chess is a long, long road. To improve will require some form of discipline. For those who want to improve rapidly, they may get discouraged. Most players hit a wall, where it gets challenging to improve beyond a certain point. Again, to push through this requires discipline.

As I was putting great effort into my chess skills, I sometimes asked my opponents online how long they had been playing. I still remember one grueling game I played against a worthy opponent. It was a closed, difficult position. I felt like I was playing against myself, as he had a similar play style. We both played slow, calculating, not offering up any opportunities to the opponent. Neither of us made obvious mistakes, but neither of us had made any risky, ambitious moves either. There was a lot of tension, but it was difficult to gain an advantage. I ended up narrowly winning, surprising myself. I had only been playing seriously for a couple of years at that point. I asked him how long he had played. He said fifteen years. I was starting to realize that there was great value in approaching chess (or anything) with true discipline.

Discipline is about putting in the work every day, or at least regularly so that you can improve.

3.     Challenge yourself

In any game or life situation, sometimes we want to take the easy route. However, it will often be much more valuable to present ourselves with some form of challenge. When I was beginning to take chess more seriously, I got to a point where I felt more comfortable going up against players at the same level over and over (perhaps a 1200 rating). I had gradually improved, and I beat these players consistently after a while, but I kept playing them again and again.

In time, I realized that my skills had stagnated. I wasn’t going up against players that presented me with challenges. Rather, these players tended to make big mistakes at some point, and then I would end up being able to win without much effort.

When I realized that I was not improving, I made it a point to always search for players who would challenge me. At a minimum, I needed to play against someone who was roughly at my own level. But ideally, I should also occasionally seek out players who were significantly better than me.

You learn much more from people who present you with challenges.

I met a player back then (in my early years of taking chess seriously) who actually made me anxious in the first few moves of the game. He always played in a high pressured, threatening way, even from the first few moves. I rose to the challenge and played him again and again - we met weekly. I never beat him, but one time I gained an advantage… and then lost it. His father was a Master, and he was an excellent player himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a Master as well by now.

Another time, I was playing against a seasoned player – he was a retired psychology professor. I’m not sure of his rating, but I recall that he always wanted to play on a 5-minute timer, and I had agreed. With this setup, he always beat me. One day, I told him that I needed more time to think. I asked him if we could play on a 10-minute timer. He agreed to give me the 10-minute timer, and he would continue to play with just 5 minutes on his timer. He allowed me an advantage in this way – perhaps he had gotten tired of beating me every time. Something strange happened then. With this new setup, I started beating him in most of our games. I always thought he was better than me, but it turned out he was just a good quick player. With a bit more time, perhaps I was better.

The point is that I had trained myself not to be worried when I played better players. I think the best sportsmanship is to take pride in your games against higher-level opponents. Pay close attention to the way they play or, when it comes to life, the way that they strategize or choose to take action. What can you learn from them, even if you are in competition? If you see that they are doing something better than you, absorb it and add it to your repertoire of thoughts, actions, and habits.

4.     Time management

For the past 10 years or so, rather than playing slow games where I think extremely long and deliberately on a single move, I have preferred quick games. In chess, we call these blitz games. Usually, these days, I play on a 3-minute timer. This means I have 3 minutes to make all of my moves. If I take any longer, I lose the game. Of course, if my opponent takes longer than 3 minutes, then he would lose. With this timer, time management is key.

Taking 30 seconds on a single move is way too much with a 3-minute timer. This means that for most moves, it is worth going with my first gut reaction. If I have to calculate something, I should aim to simplify the problem to solve it quickly. With the 3 minute timer, it’s important to have an intuition for which moves are not worth considering, so I do not need to waste time thinking through them. Also, if I am down to two moves that seem good and similar in strength, I should probably choose one quickly rather than take too much time to find the best move.

In real life, we come across similar circumstances where you may need to make a very quick decision. Sometimes, there are great costs if you take too much time to arrive at your solution. For example, perhaps you have twenty tasks that need to get done at your workplace. If you take too much time doing one task, your boss will be mad, and you may fall further and further behind on your duties.

Some people are very quick, intuitive thinkers, and so it may appear that they do not need to worry much about time management. However, even for such thinkers, they should still consider using their time in the best way. If you arrive at a reasonable solution in 10 seconds, that is great. But what if you could have come to a decision 10 times better if you had only decided to think it through for a couple of minutes?

5.     Evolving Priorities

In chess, there are so many aspects of the game that can be difficult to prioritize. Our thinking must evolve to a higher level to be able to manage the competing goals properly. The key challenge is that the priorities evolve during the game. At the beginning of a game, you want to develop your pieces properly. In the middle, you want to develop a plan. In the end, you want to capitalize on any advantages you worked hard to attain.

An experienced player should see a position and quickly be able to figure out what the priorities are. For a new player, prioritizing may seem like an overwhelming task. Still, for the seasoned player they will understand where the threats are, which pieces are properly developed and which are not, whether the kings are safe, and whether there are tactical possibilities (or move combinations that can force an advantage).

Again, at first, these types of ideas can seem conflicting and even overwhelming. But in time with experience, we develop a natural feeling for the priorities. When we are learning, a common flaw is to forget about the king’s safety. But for good players, they always keep king safety in mind. If your king is not safe, you are very likely to lose the game. In fact, the game's final objective is to checkmate the king, meaning that he has nowhere to go.

Chess doesn’t involve static priorities. Sure, king safety is always pretty important. But what if you have secured your king very well, and he is very well defended? Then, shouldn’t you prioritize something else rather than worrying too much about the king? Yes, you probably should. As you play a game, the priorities can shift.

As I play, I tend to ask myself questions such as:

• What is the greatest weakness in my opponent’s position?

• What is the greatest weakness in my position?

• What move helps take advantage of their weakness, or to protect mine, or both?

• What is their plan? And if it is a good plan, can I stop it?

My thoughts are somewhat open and flexible, as the priorities for me will be different, depending on the position on the board.

This may be the case with life too. For anyone’s life situation, the priorities may be different. My priorities as a married 35-year-old without children are probably different than someone my age who does have children. And they are probably different than a 65-year-old’s, or than a 15-year-old’s.

Final Thoughts

Today, I would like you to use the above chess lessons to reflect on your life by asking these questions:

1. Am I sticking to the fundamentals in my life?

2. Am I being disciplined about the important goals in my life?

3. Am I properly challenging myself?

4. Am I managing my time well?

5. Am I prioritizing well, depending on my current situation?

In tomorrow’s post, I will cover 5 more lessons I learned from playing chess.