Who is Helping You? (Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help)

Today what is on my mind is whether we know when to seek help.

I feel like this has a negative connotation. When you are struggling, people often mention that you should get “help.” Sometimes they mean seeking mental health services or getting tutored so that you can get caught up. Usually, when someone mentions “help,” you are frustrated and beat down, and you may feel that all hope is lost.

Of course, our minds often make things worse than they truly are. In reality, there is nothing wrong with getting help, and we should all be open to getting it when we truly need it.

The problem with how we think about help is probably that we don’t worry about things much until they are collapsing. We may deny our mental health until we are crippled and unable to work. We may ignore an injury until it gets worse and worse, and a part of our body becomes incapacitated. If we are in a class, we may act as if studying harder will get us back on track, even when we have failed multiple exams.

Perhaps most parts of your life are working in perfect order, and you don’t need help, or you have never needed help in the past.

But sooner or later, we all tend to reach a point where we need someone there to help us get back on track.

As you may see where I am going, I think a major mistake is to wait to get help. At the first major signs of trouble, you should think about a way for you to get ahead of this problem before it becomes a major problem.

Could someone help you with this? Or can you truly get it done on your own?

Sometimes we have to help ourselves. One of my friends recently got Covid, and he has always been very healthy, so he was overconfident and tried to work his normal schedule (at his home office) through it.

Eventually, he found himself in bed most of the day, needing to catch up on rest. Perhaps he didn’t need much help from anyone else in this case – he just needed to acknowledge the problem and start putting his health first so that he could truly get better.

There are many, many ways to get help. I will post about some of them here:

Help Yourself

Stop being stubborn and acknowledge that you either need to change something, solve your own problem, or get help. You should always be prepared to help yourself improve your situation, but part of helping yourself will involve seeking outside help. Everything functions more smoothly when you have the support of someone to help you along.

Books

I’m the type of person who likes to solve my problems by reading. A book (or usually many, many books) have been written on virtually any issue you could have in your life. I view authors as my personal mentors. If you believe it is likely you will face certain kinds of problems, you may even read books on such topics in advance.

Online Advice

This can help point you in the right direction if you have problems that you don’t know how to tackle. Or perhaps even if you need to vent. Reddit has many subreddits (or forums) where you can get help and advice. For example –

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfhelp/

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/

People in these communities may either ask for advice or advise others on how to tackle their life problems. You can either ask a question, help someone else with their problem, or search for advice given to others on the type of problem you are having.

Hotlines and Helplines

These are phone services that are there for people in need.

As an example, one of the most important ones will be the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. According to their website, they provide “Free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Their listed phone number is:

800-273-8255

Therapists or Psychologists

If you struggle with a mental health issue that interferes with your daily life goals, I recommend seeking out a professional therapist or psychologist to help you work through these issues. I have struggled with my mental health in the past, and I saw a psychologist who helped me get better. Also, many people I know personally have struggled with their mental health at some point in the past. If you are concerned about your mental health, this is a time when you should feel comfortable asking for help.

Mentors

An ideal mentor is usually someone who has accomplished what you would like to accomplish in your life, but they may be 5 or 10 years ahead of you. This is someone who will generally be available to chat or help if you ask for some advice. You want to find mentors who are happy to work with you and help you, as it will be important for you to form a relationship and trust them. You do not need to follow everything they say, but as they will be more experienced, you will want to consider their advice and experiences carefully. Keep in mind that most mentors will be hands-off - they will be happy to discuss general problems you face, but they probably will not dedicate enough time to walk you through exactly how to solve your problems.

Coaches or Tutors

If you need more one-on-one attention to tackle key obstacles in your life, you could find it useful to get a coach or tutor of some kind. For example, if you lack self-confidence and find it difficult to start conversations with new people, you may find a coach who specializes in improving social skills and working on confidence building. The benefit of a coach would be that they will know how to help you with your unique situation. These are services that can cost, but if you are being held back and have struggled to make progress in your life, it can be worth trying out.

It is the same idea with tutors. I still remember that in 9th grade, I struggled immensely with learning algebra – but I was stubborn, and I refused to get a tutor. Luckily, my teacher ended up helping me to catch up. If you are struggling that much with a class, I fully recommend getting a tutor.

Guides or Masters

A guide transcends the role of mentor, going beyond that level. This is someone who usually develops a personal bond with you (but not always) and can learn to see your problems before you see them yourself. I have come to think that we have many guides in our lives that come in many forms and that we do not always realize that they were guiding us until many years or even decades have passed. A guide will teach you, and you will probably not be aware that you are learning anything. They may guide you along certain paths that they know will work better for you without forcing you into it or making you feel that you must go on that path.

Our first guides are usually our parents, but many other guides will pop up in our lives. If something ever leaves a life-changing impression upon you, then a guide may be responsible for it.

A true guide may be there for anyone when that need arises.

As a brief example, my mother told me that she was once in the hospital waiting for my father while he was receiving treatment. And while she was waiting for him, she saw a young woman sobbing, and she seemed completely broken. My mother understood that she had a very sick relative, and the circumstance seemed uncertain as to whether he would recover. So my mother helped to calm her down and explain to her that she should take things one step at a time. That no one could know for sure what the outcome would be. My mother had a heart-to-heart talk with her that helped her to cope with her anxiety, pain, and emotions at the moment. At that point, my mother was a guide for this young woman in need.

As a last note, one time, I helped shift someone’s perspective so that he could begin to resolve his life problem, and he was incredibly grateful toward me for it. I told him not to worry about it. I could offer advice on his issue because I lived through it myself, and I overcame it. I told him:

Today I have helped you, tomorrow you will overcome your problem, and the next day you will help someone else overcome that same problem.

From Convenient Good to Higher Good

Good people will regularly battle between doing good that is convenient versus doing the higher good. Higher good involves doing what is truly good in itself. This may mean giving or helping someone even if you don’t have that much to give. Convenient good will mean mainly doing good when it is convenient for you, or only when it provides some benefits for yourself.

As part of a higher good, someone may be willing to give or donate to a cause anonymously. When it comes to convenient good, someone may refuse to give unless they will be recognized for this “kind act.”

Let’s explore these ideas further. If we view ourselves as good people, at some point, we have to ask ourselves:

“Am I willing to help someone even if it isn’t convenient for me?”

Because truthfully, is it ever convenient to put your day’s plans on hold to help someone else? When someone needs help, it is often because they did not expect to need that help. Perhaps their car broke down, or they became sick unexpectedly or struggled to deal with a death in the family.

It can become convenient to avoid noticing one type of problem in our day-to-day lives, then another, then another, and soon enough, we are only concerned just with ourselves. It seems overwhelming to consider all the problems that everyone is going through, so we decide to forget them.

In time, we may end up blind to the problems right in front of us or expect someone else to deal with them. Larger and larger issues end up becoming the types of things that we don’t think about, don’t worry about, and don’t even see anymore. It becomes convenient to ignore them.

Maybe it is time that we wake up to the issues happening right around us every day.

Even at the level of our own families, perhaps it is easier to ignore their complaints or daily issues, so we keep living out our convenient lives, day by day. Some people who get too comfortable and refuse to truly listen and understand their partners may be surprised when they appear to “suddenly” want a divorce. We get used to ignoring and avoiding so many problems in the world around us that eventually, this ends up being the same approach or attitude we have with our own families.

We somehow come to believe that “Someone, somewhere will take care of this,” and we absolve ourselves of all responsibility.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves and say that we can only do so much. Sure, we all have limitations, but we tend to settle for doing little, and then we claim that we have done so much.

It’s easy to lie to ourselves and claim that we are doing what is truly good. But is it just convenient for you at that moment?

Do you take the time to stretch beyond yourself and sometimes do something good that is not convenient?

Ask yourself some questions today:

• Can I dedicate a bit more time to truly listening to someone’s problem?

• Can I give something more to someone in need, even if it costs me time or money?

• Can I take a few minutes to help a stranger in need today?

• Can I be more observant and try to see when someone truly needs help?

• Can I offer to help someone and truly mean it? This means not just wanting to appear to be polite.

• Can I afford to lose some of my free time to help someone?

• Can I call someone who is going through a crisis to check up on them?

• What are my strengths or areas where I may be able to help someone?

• Have I been assuming that I could not offer much to help people when perhaps I did have a lot to offer?

Don’t just think of these things, but actually aim to do something about it. Can we find it in ourselves to be someone’s hero today? Perhaps, in the end, it won’t cost us as much as we would think. It may just be a minor inconvenience. Or seeing the gratitude and relief on someone’s face may make it all worthwhile, causing no inconvenience at all.

Let’s do something that is a higher good today, even if it isn’t always convenient.