Dance with the Present Moment and Experience Real Life

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life. ― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

In my life, as I try to grasp the present, I’ve found that many triggers jolt us away from the Now.

The triggers are omnipresent, forever invading. We don’t even notice them. Life can quickly become one trigger after another, dragging us away from what life was supposed to be.

Then, when real life happens, we tend to see life itself as a distraction. When really, we couldn’t be more wrong. The things we focused on were typically not real life at all. And the things that distracted us were real life, calling to us.

Real life was the rare human moment that someone wanted to share with us. But when it finally happened, we failed to realize it and shrugged it off.

It was the birds singing, but we were too busy to notice. It was the stranger on the street who was having a bad day and needed help. Real life was the sunrise, sunset, and the stars above. Or the face of your loved one that you hadn’t bothered to truly look at.

But when these things happened, we thought they were the distraction, not real life itself.

The distractions from real life were in the job that we do, where if we ceased to exist, someone else would fill the slot within 48 hours. It was the negative and judgmental words that we yell at ourselves in our minds. It was the worries about the stock market going up or down. It was the concern over the most negative news story of the day.

We thought we were living real life in these times, but we were not in the present moment here. Instead, we were upset about the past or worried about the future or focused on our made-up problems. Or perhaps, we were just distracted by nonsense.

As we become so-called mature and modern adults, we get to a point where whatever it is pulling us into the Now becomes the thing that we wish to avoid. The Now falls into the background. We somehow manage to escape the unescapable.

Adults have escaped from the present as if it were a disaster to be averted. But we weren’t meant to escape the Now. It’s like trying to outrun your shadow. Humans today are disjointed from their own shadow, living in a world of illusion when they become disconnected from the Now.

So why do we seek to escape it if this cannot be done?

The present may be too powerful for us to handle. It is a zone where anything could happen. The plans you had may work, or they may come crashing down. Your feelings may be validated or dismissed. A revolutionary idea may help you find success, cause you to have a massive failure or even both.

But rather than give in to the power of the present moment, we often wish to take power back for ourselves.

Our inflated egos make us want to hold on to the need to control, plan, achieve, and predict.

Some mysterious Now couldn’t possibly be at the reins of this life – no, we mortal and temporal humans feel that we are the ones in power. This is the illusion that we work on maintaining all our lives. Our lives become not life but rather the illusion of one.

I was once driving to work, and I saw a disheveled man with a chaotic, long beard. He was swaying his hands almost like a musical conductor. He seemed to be guiding traffic and buses to go where they were going. This man did not work for the city. He had a wild smile as if he was having the time of his life. Somehow, I understood what was happening. In this man’s mind, he was controlling the universe. He directed the traffic, the pedestrians, and perhaps even the animals. In his mind, he had orchestrated it all.

But of course, they were all doing what they wanted to do, and he was pretending to have made it happen that way. He felt the power and the control but had none.

Sometimes, that feels like the analogy for what humanity has become. We insist on maintaining control over that which is actually out of our hands. We are happy to take the credit when it works in our favor, but any time something goes wrong, it was out of our hands.

Yet, just maybe, things were always out of our hands. I can’t force my heart to beat, but it continues to happen. Until it doesn’t. And when it doesn’t, it’s because it was never in my control, to begin with.

Maybe we are trying to control a universe that is actually out of our hands.

We find it difficult to let the Now be whatever it will be, to give us whatever it has to give, or to take from us whatever it wishes to take. And so, every day, we are resisting that present moment, as we have made it into the enemy.

We are not in the present moment because we have made it the enemy of our lives. We have succumbed to the triggers all around us.

Someone could spend a lifetime documenting these triggers that lead us away from the present, away from the Now.

When we have scheduled our lives away, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have plans and perceive nothing beyond them, we have resisted the present moment.

When we convince ourselves that we are failures and get stuck in self-pity, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have rejected a chance occurrence just because we did not expect it, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have labeled with language that which words cannot confine, we have resisted the present moment.

When we needed the security of knowing the outcomes of everything we may do, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have insisted on living by the patterns we have always lived by, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have denied our wild, spontaneous, and free side, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have failed to see the beauty in the beautiful, the sadness in the sad, and the wonder in the wonderful, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have gotten lost in thoughts rather than lost in the experience that is life, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have been convinced by false thoughts and ideas that do not stand up to reality, we have resisted the present moment.

When we have confused our temporary selves, emotions, and problems with being more important than the universe, we have resisted the present moment.

We do these things. I do them, you do them, and perhaps everyone I have ever known does them.

Seeing these triggers for what they are can take us even further away from the present, strangely enough. In seeing them, we start to notice them, label them, think about them, and interpret them, and all of this takes us further away from life.

But if we give ourselves to the Now, then there is nothing left to resist, and we become a part of that Now.

We don’t need to put much effort into this, as effort often works against the now. Going with the tides of now is effortless, but because we have resisted this for so long, it may appear to take effort to get there.

The Now is happening to us, whether or not we are ready to take it in and accept that. The power is more in the present than it is in us. We are predicting it, reacting to it, and explaining it, but are we experiencing it fully and living it? That is another matter.

Rather than grasping at the present, which cannot be grasped, it makes more sense to dance with it. We can focus on becoming aware and in sync with real life and strive to find a piece of that now. Even if we can’t have all of it, we can find some of it for ourselves.

The alternative is to live a life outside of the now. What kind of life is that?

Living longer is a focus for many, but it doesn’t mean much if we didn’t actually live those years. What percent of our lives took place in sync with the Now? That may be a more interesting metric to shoot for.

I’m not sure that being in the present is a skill or practice. It may be as simple as letting go of our ego, of our need to control and direct this thing called life. Rather than living the illusion of life, we can let it go and truly live.

Humans do have great power. But how great is that power when our lives are temporary, and every loved one will die? How great is it when everything built will fall, most of our predictions are wrong, and much of our lives occur in the imaginary world of ideas?

Our true power was in our ability to acknowledge the power of the present and to become one with it.

Join me in a never-ending dance with the present moment. That is the goal of this life if there ever was one.

If you are interested in learning more about the Present Moment, you may wish to read 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.

“I Don’t Understand”

When someone tells you about a difficult situation or experience they’ve gone through, no one wants to be the one who thinks or says, “I don’t understand.”

We would rather say – “I see,” or “I know how you feel.” However, this is unlikely to help anyone if you do not actually understand what someone is going through.

I deeply want to understand, but I have seen that I often do not truly know what someone else is going through.

We often hear that the first step toward solving a problem is admitting that there is a problem. This makes sense, but what is the second step?

In many cases, the second step may be acknowledging that you do not understand the problem or situation. Sometimes the greatest obstacle to understanding is actually thinking that you understand something. Then when you expect something to work in a certain way and it does not, you are just left confused. Many of us will keep proceeding to try to resolve a problem, using our faulty understanding – and we will keep failing. In such cases, thinking we understand keeps us from making progress.

Let’s consider people’s life experiences – do we truly understand them?

Some experiences are so general that we have all had them in some way.

We have all been hurt in some way. And we have all felt a variety of emotions such as anger, fear, love, joy, embarrassment, pride, and so on.

Yet, we have also all had our own unique experiences that are different from everyone else’s.

Imagine someone who is drained, who has pushed himself to the limits every day – working two full-time jobs, parenting young children, and barely having time to eat, sleep, or go to the restroom during the day. Perhaps he is beyond the point of exhaustion, wanting to take a break but simply not having that option. He needs the jobs to support his family – and he believes that to do anything differently would be irresponsible.

If this person comes to me and shares his life experiences, it’s quite easy for me to use the words:

“I understand.” It even feels natural, as if that is what I am supposed to say.

However, it’s not true. And unfortunately, it’s not helpful to this person because it will be obvious to him that I could not possibly understand.

I have certainly worked hard, and I have even felt overworked, overstressed, and overburdened at times. But I have never been in the situation of needing to work multiple jobs to support a family – and I have certainly never felt that there was no option available to take a different path in my life. I have never lived one day in that type of lifestyle. So how could I possibly understand someone who was truly living that life every day?

If he were to explain his life to me, then empathy and imagination could help me comprehend what he is going through. But it may not give me a true understanding of his life.

Out of necessity in his life, he may skip lunch to commute from one job to the next. He may feel forced into neglecting his kids since he needs to work the hours he does to help support them. He may be past the point of exhaustion every single day, where he feels like a zombie going through the motions rather than a true human being. Perhaps he needs someone to talk to or to help him, but he spends all his time working and helping his family, and he rests very little.

These are life experiences where I don’t think you can truly understand them unless you have lived them.

Similar things can be said for various kinds of trauma. I have had my own challenging experiences in my life, but some people have experienced deep traumas that surpass any troubles I may have gone through.

Recently, when someone was telling me about his troubling life experiences, I found myself saying, “I understand.” Calmly, he told me that “you don’t understand.” And he was right. Certain experiences are too difficult to explain and even more difficult to truly understand.

Sometimes, we can listen or attempt to gain some awareness of what someone has gone through while admitting that we do not truly understand.

This lack of understanding is not a failure. It is actually a true step forward in your growth when you can admit this. When you can understand that you do not understand, you will be able to come to a more truthful place with yourself and the people around you.

At the heart of it, feeling the need to say “I understand” to everything is untruthful. Just because we want to understand does not mean that we do.

In general, in your life, the awareness of not understanding will help you see that there is always so much room to grow.

Arrogance and ignorance make for the worst combination of all. This would mean that you think you know it all, yet you know very little. We must avoid this.

Instead, we should be humble, aim to understand that there is much we do not understand, and hope to grow and understand just a little bit more, day by day.

If you want to get closer to people in your life and build meaningful connections, you will get there more efficiently when you admit that you do not understand their experiences fully. This will open up a window into true understanding.

The Value of NOT Thinking

I find it valuable to think – it helps us identify problems and find ways to resolve them. But oddly enough, there may be a great deal of value in not thinking that most of us are unaware of.

Have you ever had an experience that was supposed to be fun, but you got caught up in thought? You were busy wondering if this was as fun as something else you had done if the hot weather was ruining the experience, if you had too much work to do, and should not even be having fun in the first place.

The thoughts rolled on and on, as you almost forgot you were even having this so-called fun experience. The experience that seemed to be so much fun actually turned into a series of thoughts in your mind. Your thoughts pounded in your head, and the experience faded into the background.

Many people go on yearly or periodic vacations. And I think what we often want is to get away from our lives, ourselves, and thoughts. But what do you do when the same old thoughts you always had follow you around everywhere you go?

Can we take a vacation from thinking?

Even if you master your thoughts and don’t allow them to interfere with your experience of being and living, how will you react when people around you are bombarded by thoughts? Meaning well, they may feel the need to avoid uncomfortable silences and constantly talk about the weather, their kids, their lives, and their plans. And communication is a wonderful thing, but just as with thoughts, sometimes communication can get in the way of the experience we are having.

What if someone near you asks: Are you enjoying yourself? Do you need more of something? What do you think of that thing that just happened, that was wonderful, wasn’t it? We should take a picture – let’s pose for one here. Etc.

This sort of behavior will, of course, take us away from the experience. And we cannot always control our own thoughts, let alone the thoughts and actions of the people around us.

The first step here is to figure out if your constant thoughts are getting in the way of truly experiencing your own life. Is the analysis of everything that happens to you actually holding you back? Do you have to find meaning in everything you do, or are you let down by the fact that something was just a normal life experience that didn’t result in anything useful?

The topics I discuss on this site are not meant to cripple us in thought and anxiety over whether we are making improvements in our lives. That would be counterproductive. If you become depressed or anxious over your inability to improve in your life, then we need to reset your expectations and perhaps take a break from thinking.

Sometimes our thoughts hold us back, even if they appear to be useful or positive. This is a strange thing for many of us to realize. Our own thoughts that seem to be trying to help us can actually get in the way. Even seemingly good thoughts can get in the way of experiencing something to the fullest.

We are not our thoughts.

This is something many people fail to realize. Some people have a very dark thought, and they become distraught. They think this means they are a bad person because they have had this horrible thought. The thoughts are not just coming from us. They are produced by all of our life experiences and all that we have seen. We have all seen darkness – in ourselves, in some behaviors of the people around us, and most certainly in the news, movies, and other media. Many thoughts are not our own. Rather they are created by our experiences with the outside world.

When I have thoughts that are not especially helpful, I pretend that there is an iPad in front of me, and the sole purpose of this iPad is to record all of my thoughts. It records every single thing that happens in my head, line by line. When you see it that way, you see your thoughts as separate from yourself, and you can select the ones that are useful and forget about the rest.

The main tool I have used not to allow thinking to interfere with my experiences is to meditate. Everyone has heard about this now, so it is nothing new. To explain briefly, when you meditate, you sit quietly and observe your thoughts passing through you. You do not need to hang onto them or dwell on them. If you wish to begin, start with a few minutes of meditation per day and gradually work your way into it more deeply. Over time, this can create radical changes in the way you think or don’t think.

Mindfulness can also be useful. With mindfulness, you train yourself to be more aware of nature and what is happening around you. Rather than get lost in thought, you aim to immerse yourself in the environment around you.

The more you think, the more those thoughts crowd out the whole experience you are having. The more you focus on the experience fully and the physical sensations it causes, the less room you will have to obsess over your thoughts.

Experience more. Think Less.

As much as I think deeply, this is counterbalanced because I spend much of my time in a non-thinking mode. For example, as I write now, my mind is only on what I am doing. I have trained it not to worry about any other problems or goals that I have in my life. This is my sole focus. So I am thinking, but only on what is necessary at the moment. In anything I do, I aim to immerse myself into it, only focusing or thinking about what is necessary. Even if I have other thoughts, I don’t focus on them. I don’t give them extra attention.

These patterns are a daily practice. If you find that you have a huge log of thoughts piling up in your head every day, holding you down rather than helping you, it will help to practice meditation or mindfulness. Yoga, martial arts, or other physical exercises may produce similar results for some people as well. You can also consider having a professional massage or going to the sauna.

Whatever it is, find something that will help you to have a vacation from thinking (or perhaps a mini-vacation). This can be used as a tool to refresh and reenergize your mind to make your thinking more clear and powerful.