From Feelings of Worthlessness to Worthiness

Sometimes we may feel a crushing weight of worthlessness. The problem with living for the future, as many people do, is that we know where the future will end for all of us. Eventually, we will end up dead as everyone before us has ended up. Somehow, knowing our end destination can make the whole journey seem worthless. But perhaps this knowledge of what will happen to us is meant to remind us that we need to focus on what is happening now. At any moment, our whole life can be robbed from us, and we will pass on to the next dimension.

But this means that our present, fleeting moment is precious. The limited time we have is precious.

We can obsess over the end and whatever it may truly mean, or we can move beyond this and live our lives fully in the Now.

If we bring our attention fully to the Now, then we are fully alive and not adding agonies about the past or the future to our lives. The other thing we can do to overcome this feeling of worthlessness is remember that we must make our own goals and pathways. We cannot rely on someone else or another system to determine our worth and our path. For when they abandon us, we are left feeling nothing but worthlessness. Our worthiness must emanate from within. We must define our life path and our life mission and pursue it wholeheartedly.

I often think of this quote by Henry David Thoreau:

“All men live lives of quiet desperation.”

What many of us fear most is what deep inside we desire the most. That is, to truly, truly live by breaking away from the daily grind of patterns we have set into like a stone. We are constantly doing things today based on all the things we have done in the past, finding it difficult to escape this shadow of the past that hovers around us.

Many of us want to get out of here.

We want to escape from ourselves – our lives, who we are, the daily pains and challenges of life, society, and everything.

The escapism that we see rampant in today’s society, where people are sucked into movies, reality TV, video games, sitcoms, drinking, drugs, and any activity that removes us from our real lives, goes to show that many of us are living these lives of quiet desperation. We want to get out of here, but perhaps we don’t want any of the risks that come with it. We don’t want to pack our bags and move out, only to have people say we went crazy or for our family to become upset. We want to quit that job but feel we can’t because we need a steady income to live our normal lives.

In a sense, we feel trapped. I always thought that the wealthy must have found a way to escape this. Still, I feel that hearing about all the financial issues even the wealthy have, it makes me think that they get sucked into feeling that they need to maintain a certain lifestyle. Therefore they get trapped into their quiet lives of desperation as well. We come to feel that we need others to think of us in a certain way. If I’m the professor, I need people to think of me as a serious academic who has contributed unique and valuable research to the world. If I’m a businessperson, I need people to believe I am successful and value my products. If I’m a parent, I need people to think that I am a good parent and that I do the best for my kids. This need to be perceived in a certain way makes us feel trapped in the end.

In life, we acquire responsibilities and things we must do, which is just what it means to be an adult. It seems that we do not have the real option to escape. But what about those people without obligations to others? They are young, without kids, without anyone that they must care for, but they tend to think that they are too young to know what they should focus on in life and look to their parents or elders. But what if all of their elders are living quiet lives of desperation? And what if these are the people guiding our youth?

For any stranger you see today, keep in mind that perhaps they live a quiet life of desperation. Perhaps life is weighing them down. Maybe they’re using whatever energy they have left to smile and pretend that everything is alright.

We all want something more, don’t we? We want something other than what we have, something other than what we are, but then instead of working at it, we escape our lives. This drives us further into the need to escape the pitiful lives that we create for ourselves.

Instead, we must double down on our own lives. We must invest the time in nurturing ourselves and the people we touch daily. This will result in a bettering of ourselves and our circumstances. Perhaps once in a while, we should engage in a real-life escape or journey rather than trying to escape from our lives through media. The real-life journeys (e.g., travel, spiritual journeys, doing something you always wanted to do but never made time for) may nurture the soul and fill us with learning, understanding, wisdom, culture, and such good qualities, rather than just robbing us of our time. Perhaps in these real-life escapes, we will find that we want to escape that escape and ultimately find ourselves pleased to be back home, the way things always were.

There are many times in life when we will be frustrated, tired, feeling unwanted or lost, or as if we don’t matter. There are times when we may be tempted to give up hope. What we should always remember, no matter how hard things get, is that this is part of the journey too. Fiction writers understand quite well that they need to give their protagonist many obstacles, sometimes tremendous obstacles, for the story to be interesting. So sit back and remember that you are part of the human story. And perhaps you have been given more obstacles than others to bear. And this is fine. This is just a part of your journey. The journey moves you toward something greater and better, but you may have to get through the mud before you find your way.

The human mind and spirit are powerful enough that if every time we falter or find ourselves in difficult circumstances, we were to think, Oh no, I am so dumb. I’m going to get fired. Then I’ll lose my house, then the kids, I’ll die in a ditch. How could we possibly expect to thrive under immense stress? We must always train the mind to do better, to be a beaming light in the face of darkness.

When an unexpected disaster happens, think: That’s alright. We’re going to come back stronger than ever after we get through this. When you are sick and have disturbing symptoms, you may think: That’s fine, my body is just purging this sickness from my body. And when you make a big mistake, think: That’s fine – I’ve had the opportunity to learn something here so that I can help make sure my colleagues nor I ever make this mistake again.

We must learn to train the mind to be calm through the storm. When we find ourselves in turbulent times, where everything seems chaotic and disordered, we must keep calm, composed and figure out the next step. It doesn’t help to allow the mind to run through all of the worse possibilities that may happen. If running through all the worst-case scenarios makes you panicky and unable to think clearly, then this is not helping you or anyone.

We must stay calm through the storm.

Sometimes in challenging circumstances, we need to stay strong to survive the present to live another day and figure everything out with a calm, cool head.