Stop Looking For It

Whatever it is you seek in this life….

Whether love, happiness, peace, money, joy, respect, knowledge, wisdom….

At a time in your life, release yourself from the deep yearning to have this for yourself….

Allow yourself to experiment, to see that perhaps in stopping the act of searching for it, and in halting the desire for it, it will come on its own….

The desire to make it happen may have actually been holding you back, interfering with your progress….

In my life….

I have said to myself….

To heck with it, if she doesn’t like me, she doesn’t like me….

(After dealing with crippling social anxiety.)

Then she liked me….

I have said, if I stop reading and I become ignorant and foolish, then so be it….

(It’s not that I don’t read, but I am willing to go through periods where I don’t read anything.)

Then I became wiser….

I have said, if I am unable to be tranquil because of a chaotic environment and situation (out of my control), then oh well….

And I found peace through the storms, even practicing meditation/mindfulness through them at times….

I have said if I invest in this thing I believe in, and it fails miserably, then at least I did something I believe in….

Many of those investments (in my own book projects, for example) did fail, economically speaking, but enough succeeded and they carried me forward into a deeper journey of learning, growing, and writing….

Over and over, I found that in releasing myself from the desire for an expectation, the desired expectation came true anyway, often right after I gave up on it.

As a chess player, one of the best things you can do in a losing position is to say to yourself “Okay, I am utterly defeated.” As soon as you truly accept that defeat, you open yourself to strange, threatening problems to pose your opponent.

There is magic in that moment where you see the futility and stare straight into it.

You accept defeat for a moment, but then you press on, never truly giving up. Even if there is one window of opportunity, that is all you need.

True awareness is where you find that thing you were searching for….

You come to understand that “I will never find this love – it is simply beyond me, but one day, maybe it will find me, if I keep on doing what I know I must do in this life….”

You give up, but just temporarily.

Then somehow, people in your life come to sense your newfound inner-worth, because you know you no longer need anyone else, and they become attracted to you.

More importantly, your love for yourself will finally have grown, as you stopped measuring your life by whether another person loved you….

Here is another example….

A few years ago, I developed tinnitus (ringing in one ear), and at a certain point, it was bad enough that I actually didn’t know how I would be able to focus again, with this loud, annoying, constant piercing sound in my ear. I had developed regular headaches, and it was a miserable experience.

But at a certain point, I accepted defeat, rather than searching for what to do about it.

I stopped looking for the feeling of relief from the tinnitus. I stopped hoping for it to go away.

I told myself that this tinnitus ringing sound isn’t even there. My brain is producing the noise (I believe this is actually true, medically speaking). This sound isn’t important. It’s nonexistent. I will go about my life like always. And I did.

And soon enough after that, the “sound” eased off. I barely noticed it anymore. I’m not sure if it actually got better, if I simply stopped noticing it, or both.

Strangely, in giving up on looking for any relief or solutions, it mostly went away. Now, it is quite mild and doesn’t affect my life.

(Of course, the one thing I did and continue to do, is protect my ears from loud noises, but that does not make the tinnitus go away.)

Understand this….

Typically, our life problems are self-created, working in cycles, over and over. And we exhaust ourselves simply to repeat them….

The desire to escape the pain or troubles, somehow actually manifests them, over and over.

If you truly inspect your life and see it for what it is, you are likely to find that you must do something different.

You must actually stop wanting that thing that you think you want, in order to get it.

And if you don’t get it, you may find that your life blossoms in other ways that you never could have guessed.

Of course, if you had a goal, you went directly for it, and you achieved it, then you are done. There is nothing else to do….

But I am speaking to those who have spent themselves totally, drained their life’s energy for a pursuit, only to have it escape them, perhaps over and over….

What else is there to do?

Accept defeat, even if just for now….

What is the worst that could happen?

Abandon the goal, or if not, at least abandon the hope that it will turn out in a certain way.

Let it go.

Find freedom there, in not needing everything to happen in a particular way.

Allow yourself to play with this life, to explore and see where it goes, rather than needing something from it.

Perhaps you can have love, happiness, peace, money, joy, respect, knowledge, or wisdom, just not in the way you had expected to find it….

Stop Looking

But still be there, present, aware, ready for when what you desire arises on its own….

Ready for when the ingredients to make it happen all line up for you….

Give it a month….

You’ve spent years or decades trying to get there….

If it didn’t happen, give yourself a month of not looking. Give it an honest try.

Get back into a hobby, play a musical instrument, get in touch with old friends, write a book, or whatever keeps your mind off of this so-called goal.

See how it goes.

Let me know….

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 2)

Introduction

I have learned countless life lessons from the game of chess. In yesterday’s post, I shared 5 of them. Today, I would like to continue sharing 5 more of these lessons with you. I hope that you find some of these useful. Perhaps these lessons will help you in chess, in life, or with both.

Recently, it seems chess is back in the minds of many people. I understand that Netflix’s TV show The Queen’s Gambit has helped with this. But the game has been alive and well for quite a long time. There is something about this game that can draw you in, deeper and deeper if you allow it. And I suppose many people will be experiencing that now.

Here are 5 more chess lessons I would like to share with you:

6. Calculate and predict

In chess, when you are learning, it seems impossible to predict anything. It just feels like you make a random move, then your opponent makes a random move, and you hope for the best. For a beginner who has played many games already, the goal may become to avoid “hanging” a piece, which means to allow your opponent to take it for free.

The idea of calculating several moves into the future can seem to be too much, at first anyway. In time, however, you get used to having visions where you can predict quite easily what the most likely reactions will be to your moves. If nothing else, you should be able to guess pretty well what the top 2 or 3 most likely reactions will be. Then, as you gain experience, you will start to intuitively know that if you make one move, your opponent will probably react this way, then you will probably react with this move in response, and so forth.

This can be a tremendous skill to develop in our everyday lives. Any time you see someone do something foolish, they probably did not think about what the consequence was going to be. But for everything we do in life, you choose your action, and then either the environment or another person will react somehow to your original action. With some thought or practice in thinking about consequences, we can start to see chains of likely actions and reactions in our minds.

There is great value in learning to think more deeply and not just settling on thinking about the most likely consequence. Instead, think about the next reaction, and the next reaction to that, and the next one. How deep can you go?

7.   Make a worthy sacrifice

As you grow in experience, one of the most exciting times in chess is to make a sacrifice that ends up being well worth it. Usually, you will need to calculate ahead or at least understand the game well enough to see that you will gain some initiative or advantage by sacrificing a piece. The biggest sacrifice a player may make is to give up the queen. Usually, this is not done unless you are sure that you will checkmate the opponent and win the game.

In life, too, there are times to make sacrifices, and similar principles apply. We have to ask ourselves if a certain sacrifice we make will ultimately be worth it in the end. For some of us, sacrifice may be too strong of a word. Instead, you can consider times when you have chosen to give something up to gain something later. Life can be more complex because sometimes we may give up our free time to accomplish important life goals. The rewards for this may not come until later in the future, in many cases.

In chess, however, you will find out in the course of a game whether your sacrifices were worthy or not. In the game, you must think, plan, and calculate. If you do not do this properly, you may sacrifice something without gaining anything for it in return.

Chess has shown me that in life, we must think carefully about what we are giving up. Is it truly worth it? Are you making sacrifices and hoping for them to pay off? Or are have you properly planned, thought it through, and calculated so that you can be more confident that you will make great gains for anything you have given up?

8. Executive decision-making

In chess, when you reach a certain level (perhaps intermediate), you understand that you should form candidate moves. This means that you look for 2-3 top moves that are worth considering more deeply. When you have these moves, then eventually, you must make your executive decision. This is a decision you must live with, whether good or bad, because you cannot take it back.

This idea of seeking candidate moves in real life is something that I have been doing lately. Some people like to find a path that makes sense, and then they move forward without looking back. However, at least for important life decisions, I think it does make a lot of sense to pick several high-level options to examine more closely. From those candidate options, you can imagine yourself making those decisions and then consider if you would look forward to the probable outcomes that they could lead to.

Actually, even for simple life decisions, it can sometimes be interesting to develop multiple candidate options. Want to see a movie? Try picking 3 options and then narrow it down to one. Or, if you want to go out to have some fun, consider multiple options such as bowling, billiards, and dancing before you select one. This strategy can be advantageous if you are making a group choice to help make sure that most of you are satisfied.

9. Improvement seeking

“When you see a good move, look for a better one” - Emanuel Lasker (former World Chess Champion)

I will admit that when playing chess, I sometimes became obsessive about looking for a better move. When I was 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using the Chessmaster software, and I would sometimes spend a great deal of time reflecting on which move I would make. I always thought – perhaps there is a better move I haven’t considered yet.

Of course, we need to be mindful of time management, as I discussed in yesterday’s post. We don’t always have the liberty to spend all the time looking for a better move. Often, it is more important to make a good move than it is to make the best one.

Regardless of how much I tried to find the best moves, I would often analyze my games with Chessmaster, and the program would point out that inevitably I had missed something. For virtually every game, there would be an excellent move that I had not even considered.

In real life, I began to pay more attention to my life decisions, big or small. Sometimes even after making a decision, I would continue to reflect on whether there had been a better option available to me. Through deep thinking, I realized that quite often, perhaps daily even, there was some better action I could have taken. There was a better move that I had missed. Even when I made all good moves, there was still something I had missed.

I could never make all the best moves. Even if I made a great decision, perhaps there was an even better one that I had not considered, at least not until after I had already made it.

I don’t think it’s worth obsessing too much over every move we make. However, it did make an impact on me after I realized that there is probably always a better move I could have made. The awareness that there is always a better move, in chess and especially in life, made a great impact on me. I realized that no matter how desperate or difficult a situation may seem, there is always a better move to make that has not occurred to me yet. Knowing this can give you hope in any situation. There is some great move left to find, but you have to search deeper.

10. Choose your own style

The interesting thing about chess is that there are many different styles that we can play in. Most people have their own distinctive way of playing chess. If I had to reflect on my style, I would say that I like to keep many options open. I like my pieces on squares where they can have the best range of motion. They can defend or attack as needed. I try to create as many possibilities to attack as possible. Often, I pursue gradual advantages, and I hope to overwhelm the opponent eventually, as they get themselves into a position where it is tough to find a good move.

In my opinion, I am fairly balanced. I will evaluate my position, but also the position of my opponent. My goals are important to me, but I will also try to get into the opponent’s mind to see their goals. I will try to figure out what they are thinking, based on their move choice.

I suppose my style is a bit psychological. If I can make a move that I think could make them uncomfortable, I will do it. For example, I may force them to make a move that compromises their king’s safety. I may make moves that force them to retreat when it is clear that they wanted to build up an attack. Whatever I think the opponent wants to do, I will aim to counteract it. Although it isn’t my main goal, if I see a tricky move that may trap them, I will definitely consider playing it.

I also value timing very much. Generally, I will not attempt a big attack unless I feel that I have a great position to do so. I often ask if it is the right time or position to implement a specific plan.

When it comes to defense, I aim to be impenetrable. I like to have every piece and pawn defended at all times, but I am willing to let go of some pawns if it helps me to build up a strong attack. A common strategy I use is to allow the opponent to take my pawns while I build a stronger and stronger attack.

Life is not so different than chess. At the end of the day, we have to choose how active or passive we want to be. How direct or how crafty. Just because someone else’s style works for them does not mean it will work for you.

But I believe the way we play chess is interesting because it may reflect how we live our lives. When I was younger, I truly did not want to lose. I prefer a draw to a loss. I would sometimes actually pursue a draw. I would guard against everything my opponent did very carefully, not allowing them to gain advantages. Sometimes I could defend against better players that way, frustrating them. If I played against a higher-level opponent, I actively tried to make the experience miserable for them. Rather than really going for the win, I just dragged out the game.

Now, I prefer to avoid draws. I like to go for the win if possible. However, if there is no way to gain an advantage, I will take the draw. Also, I enjoy novelty in the game. I prefer to look for new ideas and moves that can puzzle my opponent. Since I play blitz (rapid games), moves that surprise my opponent can cause them to have to stop and think. And the more time they take on a move, the more likely they are to lose as the clock timer runs down.

In real life, if someone is competing with you and gaining an advantage, consider giving them a tricky or strange problem to deal with, possibly even causing a diversion. This can buy you some time and help you to get caught up.

Chess is interesting because you can choose your style. You can even change it or adapt it if you wish. The same is true in life. Is your style working for you, or is it time to change it? Or do you prefer to be unpredictable, developing a style where your opponent can never figure you out?

Final Thoughts

As a quick review of some of the lessons in today’s post, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I calculating or predicting what my actions will lead to? Have I considered the likely reactions and then the likely reactions to that?

• What am I sacrificing or giving up in this life? Will the benefits be greater than the costs?

• When I have a tough choice, am I coming up with good “candidate moves” that I could make? Then, do I think them through deeply so that I can make the best executive decision?

• When I see a good move or action, am I taking the time to look for better possibilities?

• What is my style or approach to life problems that come up? Is it working? Should I experiment with a different style?
  

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Additional Chess Resources for Chess Players

• I play chess for free on Chess.com and also via the app called Chess Free on my Android phone.

• My favorite Chess YouTube channel is Agadmator’s.

• For any intermediate (or beyond) chess players, my favorite opening that I have played for years is The Curry Opening - the main resource for this is Win at Chess by Ronald Curry. As a beginner, I enjoyed The King’s Indian Attack / Defence.

• While I do not own it, I am curious about Think Like a Grandmaster by Alexander Kotov - and I’ve heard great things about it.

• For a novel that incorporates chess, check out The Flanders Panel by Arturo Perez-Reverte, a book that was gifted to me by friend Arthur.

• And you have probably heard of the popular The Queen’s Gambit TV show. If you have Netflix, I recommend watching it.

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 1)

Introduction

There is a lot to learn from chess. Importantly, much of what you learn in chess can transfer beyond the game itself and into life. If you enjoy the game, I hope you read this post. And even if you do not play, I hope you still read this – you may be encouraged to learn the game or teach your kids or grandkids how to play. And, of course, you may be able to absorb some of the lessons mentioned here without needing to actually play chess.

I have enjoyed the game of chess for quite a long time. I first learned the rules of the game at around 14 years old. I played occasionally from there, but I didn’t begin to truly learn the game until I was around 18 years old. I got very interested in the game then and began to play online more often. From around 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using Chessmaster, a computer program to play and get better at chess. I listened to most of Josh Waitzkin’s videos on there – he was excellent at explaining useful thought processes and strategies. I also read some books and did tactics training to improve.

Although I do not have an official rating, I believe my level of play is at around an 1800 FIDE rating. According to Chess.com, I’m roughly in the top 5% of chess players.

By the way, Josh Waitzkin wrote a book called The Art of Learning, which I deeply enjoyed reading. If you are interested in learning how to learn from someone who has mastered multiple fields, the book is worth checking out.

Let’s proceed with some of the lessons I have learned from playing chess:

1.     Fundamentals

Every sport or game usually has certain fundamentals that you must master and truly understand to ever get good. Chess is the same – some of the fundamentals are that you should aim to control the center, not move the same piece twice in the opening, and protect your king. Also, you should not bring out your queen (the most powerful piece) too early. There are many rules like this in life as well. They can be broken, but only if you are good at evaluating the risks and if you truly know what you are doing (both in chess and life).

In life, there are many fundamentals that we must stick to if we hope to lead our best life. A fundamental thought for me has been to only focus on what I can control. With this fundamental thought, I have been able to let go of the things in life that are completely irrelevant. Even if something is important, if I have no control over it, there is no point in worrying about it. Most of the key fundamentals in life focus on the mind, body, or spiritual side.

2.     Discipline

I have no idea as to the number of hours I have spent on chess. In the past, it was not unusual for me to spend hours on the game every day. These days, I may spend 10 minutes on chess per day, although I don’t play every day. When I play, it is usually just for fun – I do not put much effort into improving my game. Perhaps I have reached my peak, as to improve my abilities at this point would require rigorous study. Keep in mind that the better you get at something, the more work it requires to improve. When you are a novice, you can improve rapidly in a short period of time.

From around 18-22 years old, I would play through my games slowly and thoughtfully, and if I lost a game, I would study it carefully to see what I did wrong. I listened to many videos by Masters or Grandmasters (e.g., the highest possible chess title). I read books, and I studied different aspects of the game. I enjoyed the journey toward getting better at chess. To me, this was all for fun. Perhaps I am strange in this way, but I recall being willing to spend a great deal of time thinking through a single move. I wanted to make sure that I had not failed to see some spectacular possibilities. I attempted to consider practically every move. My natural way was often to think deliberately and carefully, even in real life. However, in real life, people often get fed up – they value quick decision-making. But in the game, and perhaps in real life, I wanted to make the best move, no matter what it cost me in time. Then for the games I lost, I would check on the mistakes I had made. In real life, if I made mistakes, I would also think about what I could have done better.

The key learning experience here was the value of discipline. Getting better at chess is a long, long road. To improve will require some form of discipline. For those who want to improve rapidly, they may get discouraged. Most players hit a wall, where it gets challenging to improve beyond a certain point. Again, to push through this requires discipline.

As I was putting great effort into my chess skills, I sometimes asked my opponents online how long they had been playing. I still remember one grueling game I played against a worthy opponent. It was a closed, difficult position. I felt like I was playing against myself, as he had a similar play style. We both played slow, calculating, not offering up any opportunities to the opponent. Neither of us made obvious mistakes, but neither of us had made any risky, ambitious moves either. There was a lot of tension, but it was difficult to gain an advantage. I ended up narrowly winning, surprising myself. I had only been playing seriously for a couple of years at that point. I asked him how long he had played. He said fifteen years. I was starting to realize that there was great value in approaching chess (or anything) with true discipline.

Discipline is about putting in the work every day, or at least regularly so that you can improve.

3.     Challenge yourself

In any game or life situation, sometimes we want to take the easy route. However, it will often be much more valuable to present ourselves with some form of challenge. When I was beginning to take chess more seriously, I got to a point where I felt more comfortable going up against players at the same level over and over (perhaps a 1200 rating). I had gradually improved, and I beat these players consistently after a while, but I kept playing them again and again.

In time, I realized that my skills had stagnated. I wasn’t going up against players that presented me with challenges. Rather, these players tended to make big mistakes at some point, and then I would end up being able to win without much effort.

When I realized that I was not improving, I made it a point to always search for players who would challenge me. At a minimum, I needed to play against someone who was roughly at my own level. But ideally, I should also occasionally seek out players who were significantly better than me.

You learn much more from people who present you with challenges.

I met a player back then (in my early years of taking chess seriously) who actually made me anxious in the first few moves of the game. He always played in a high pressured, threatening way, even from the first few moves. I rose to the challenge and played him again and again - we met weekly. I never beat him, but one time I gained an advantage… and then lost it. His father was a Master, and he was an excellent player himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a Master as well by now.

Another time, I was playing against a seasoned player – he was a retired psychology professor. I’m not sure of his rating, but I recall that he always wanted to play on a 5-minute timer, and I had agreed. With this setup, he always beat me. One day, I told him that I needed more time to think. I asked him if we could play on a 10-minute timer. He agreed to give me the 10-minute timer, and he would continue to play with just 5 minutes on his timer. He allowed me an advantage in this way – perhaps he had gotten tired of beating me every time. Something strange happened then. With this new setup, I started beating him in most of our games. I always thought he was better than me, but it turned out he was just a good quick player. With a bit more time, perhaps I was better.

The point is that I had trained myself not to be worried when I played better players. I think the best sportsmanship is to take pride in your games against higher-level opponents. Pay close attention to the way they play or, when it comes to life, the way that they strategize or choose to take action. What can you learn from them, even if you are in competition? If you see that they are doing something better than you, absorb it and add it to your repertoire of thoughts, actions, and habits.

4.     Time management

For the past 10 years or so, rather than playing slow games where I think extremely long and deliberately on a single move, I have preferred quick games. In chess, we call these blitz games. Usually, these days, I play on a 3-minute timer. This means I have 3 minutes to make all of my moves. If I take any longer, I lose the game. Of course, if my opponent takes longer than 3 minutes, then he would lose. With this timer, time management is key.

Taking 30 seconds on a single move is way too much with a 3-minute timer. This means that for most moves, it is worth going with my first gut reaction. If I have to calculate something, I should aim to simplify the problem to solve it quickly. With the 3 minute timer, it’s important to have an intuition for which moves are not worth considering, so I do not need to waste time thinking through them. Also, if I am down to two moves that seem good and similar in strength, I should probably choose one quickly rather than take too much time to find the best move.

In real life, we come across similar circumstances where you may need to make a very quick decision. Sometimes, there are great costs if you take too much time to arrive at your solution. For example, perhaps you have twenty tasks that need to get done at your workplace. If you take too much time doing one task, your boss will be mad, and you may fall further and further behind on your duties.

Some people are very quick, intuitive thinkers, and so it may appear that they do not need to worry much about time management. However, even for such thinkers, they should still consider using their time in the best way. If you arrive at a reasonable solution in 10 seconds, that is great. But what if you could have come to a decision 10 times better if you had only decided to think it through for a couple of minutes?

5.     Evolving Priorities

In chess, there are so many aspects of the game that can be difficult to prioritize. Our thinking must evolve to a higher level to be able to manage the competing goals properly. The key challenge is that the priorities evolve during the game. At the beginning of a game, you want to develop your pieces properly. In the middle, you want to develop a plan. In the end, you want to capitalize on any advantages you worked hard to attain.

An experienced player should see a position and quickly be able to figure out what the priorities are. For a new player, prioritizing may seem like an overwhelming task. Still, for the seasoned player they will understand where the threats are, which pieces are properly developed and which are not, whether the kings are safe, and whether there are tactical possibilities (or move combinations that can force an advantage).

Again, at first, these types of ideas can seem conflicting and even overwhelming. But in time with experience, we develop a natural feeling for the priorities. When we are learning, a common flaw is to forget about the king’s safety. But for good players, they always keep king safety in mind. If your king is not safe, you are very likely to lose the game. In fact, the game's final objective is to checkmate the king, meaning that he has nowhere to go.

Chess doesn’t involve static priorities. Sure, king safety is always pretty important. But what if you have secured your king very well, and he is very well defended? Then, shouldn’t you prioritize something else rather than worrying too much about the king? Yes, you probably should. As you play a game, the priorities can shift.

As I play, I tend to ask myself questions such as:

• What is the greatest weakness in my opponent’s position?

• What is the greatest weakness in my position?

• What move helps take advantage of their weakness, or to protect mine, or both?

• What is their plan? And if it is a good plan, can I stop it?

My thoughts are somewhat open and flexible, as the priorities for me will be different, depending on the position on the board.

This may be the case with life too. For anyone’s life situation, the priorities may be different. My priorities as a married 35-year-old without children are probably different than someone my age who does have children. And they are probably different than a 65-year-old’s, or than a 15-year-old’s.

Final Thoughts

Today, I would like you to use the above chess lessons to reflect on your life by asking these questions:

1. Am I sticking to the fundamentals in my life?

2. Am I being disciplined about the important goals in my life?

3. Am I properly challenging myself?

4. Am I managing my time well?

5. Am I prioritizing well, depending on my current situation?

In tomorrow’s post, I will cover 5 more lessons I learned from playing chess.

What is It That No One Else is Willing to Do?

My father has said that he made a successful career because he did what no one else was willing to do. In his case, he works long hours outside, leaving the house at sunrise and coming back after dark. Usually, this includes weekends too.

As another example, Bobby Fischer, arguably the best chess player of all time, was up against the best Russian chess players in the 1960s. At that time, the Russians were dominant in chess, and no one seemed to offer them much of a challenge. No American seemed to have a shot against them until Bobby Fischer.

One of the ways Bobby Fischer was willing to do what no one else did was that he decided to learn Russian. Many of the best chess books were written in Russian since many of the best players were there.

Fischer was already one of the greats without knowing Russian, but it seems that learning the language helped to push him to a higher level. He was able to learn from chess books that most Americans would have never read.

In 1972, at 29 years old, Fischer beat Boris Spassky and became the world champion. It was the first time a non-Russian had won the title in 24 years.

His story is sad after this, but I think he still serves as a good example for today’s post.

Today, ask yourself:

What is it that no one else is willing to do?

Are they unwilling to…

• work overtime?

• get their hands dirty?

• learn a new language or a computer language?

• dedicate themselves to getting better every day?

• sacrifice some of their free time?

• work on the toughest problems?

• interact with people who they disagree with?

• try something new?

• risk looking like fools?

What is it? What is it you could start doing that most people around you are unwilling to do?

Maybe you will think: “If no one else is willing to do it, then why should I do it?”

You don’t have to, but sometimes it pays off to venture onto trails no one else wants to go on. Maybe they are scared, complacent, or entitled. If these are qualities you have also taken upon yourself, you may also draw firm lines about what you are unwilling to do.

However, if you want to stretch yourself and see if you can grow and evolve, one way to do that may be to do what no one else was willing to do or go where no one else was willing to go.

If you are troubled about taking a great leap, then start with one simple action.