Every Moment Presents a Choice

The new year is upon us.

But today, rather than reflect on the prior year or plans for the future, I think we could use a reminder of a power we have always had.

That is the power to choose the direction of our lives, every moment of every day.

Sure, there is a life path we have found ourselves on through having created it, stumbled upon it, or found ourselves in it through necessity.

For better or worse, this is the reality of our lives.

Yet we always have choices.

A thought that has occurred to me is that many of us don’t truly understand the number of choices available to us in a given day.

Consider this: A dear friend once criticized me upon realizing that in a day we spent together, he had made every decision about what we did. He got tired of it, and he asked me:

Have you even made a single choice today?

His question made me realize that every moment of that day had presented me with a choice. I could go along the easy route with the path unfolding before me, or I could fight against it.

Neither way is necessarily better than the other, but that is the key, predominant choice of our lives. Flow along with the stream of destiny, or work to create your own path.

I explained to my friend that I had made countless choices that day, all of which involved doing what he wanted to do and spending time with him. Even in that moment of discussion, I had chosen to continue our conversation rather than part ways.

Every moment is a choice.

It so happens that with me, when everything is going well, I don’t fight the path in front of me. I allow it to unfold as it does, to take me where it flows, but I am still choosing that.

But what about when your life’s path presents more and more obstacles, and you dread what lies ahead?

In such cases, we must use the power we have to make a choice.

Even if you made a mistake, and for 100 moments in a day, you chose to continue along a futile, unrewarding, miserable path, you still have the power at any moment to change that.

Every moment of every day gives you the opportunity to change it all around.

Even when it comes to mental states – if, in the course of a day, you find yourself unhappy and bored, you can ask what choices led you to that. And if you make new choices in a different direction, can you begin to find the happiness and stimulation that you need?

Taking things further, even our beliefs about ourselves or the world, and thus the emotional states that may follow can be a choice.

Here is a belief some people may hold:

I believe I have little power, and my life’s path has been decided by my parents, the government, or society.

The issue with that belief would be that it completely nullifies your ability to choose your life’s path. If you are willing to accept your power of choice in every moment of every day and do something with it, then you have that power in you.

However, if you are not willing to accept that you have that power, then you do not have it. You have taken your own power away, then.

Consider this: How many choices or opportunities for change do we get in the course of a day?

Let’s say a moment is equal to a second. Then that would mean that in your waking hours, or 16 hours, there are 57,600 moments where you can make a choice. That is quite a few….

Those are 57,600 opportunities where you can choose to continue along a path or to seek a new one. To use your own judgment or pursue a mentor to guide you. To rely on the same habitual ways of believing and behaving or to pave a new path of being. To value time and use it wisely, or waste it on nonsense. To help yourself or another, or help no one.

Even to reflect on your choices or not, or to write down what you have learned or not are choices you get to make.

The choices are seemingly infinite. Yet there is always a choice.

Of course, it’s easier to blame others and say they are at fault for the setbacks in our lives. And perhaps other people are at fault, to some extent. But complaining, obsessing, or stressing about that does nothing for your progress.

In fact, if you get hung up on how others are at fault, you are the one who has chosen to delay your own life’s progress.

So, of course, we must avoid that and accept our power to choose every moment of every day.

How can you use your power of choice?:

When your time is being wasted, with nothing to gain from it, choose to use it on something more beneficial. Or at least decide to avoid such wasted time in the future.

When you are disrespected and unappreciated, choose to pursue better people to spend your time with.

When you have been treated unjustly, choose to speak up rather than ignore the issue.

When you have made horrible mistakes, choose to learn and improve.

When someone needs help, choose to help if you can.

Choose to see the good in people and situations and not just the bad that is there.

Some of us who do not use our power of choice may not know what we want. In that case, we should reflect on what we believe to be truly important.

For example: Family, Peace, Success, Love, Happiness, Mastery, Knowledge, Awareness, Service, Giving, Truth, and so on. What is most important to you?

Then ask, are your choices helping you to create the life you ultimately want to live? And are you taking advantage of all the choices available to you at every moment in time?

Of course, the point here is not to get overwhelmed with so many choices, as who really needs 57,600 choices? The point is this:

Realize that every moment of your life is a moment of true possibility, where your life can begin to unfold in a new direction of your choosing.

What better time to reflect on that, and to truly understand it and make it a way of life, than the new year, here and now….

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What is the Point of Conflict?

There is plenty of conflict in this world, even if we don’t go looking for it.

When I was in graduate school, one of my colleagues was a Mormon – let’s say “Jim,” and one Friday, apparently most of my colleagues didn’t have much work to do, and so they sat around his desk, and it became “Ask a Mormon” day.

Many of the questions were calling into question the credibility of his religion. They pointed to some unusual practices, and they would ask him if he actually believed in that.

Jim took it quite well and did not seem uncomfortable about it – I’m guessing this wasn’t his first time being ambushed. I asked a few questions too. I felt at the time that I was asking them in a neutral way and not trying to add fuel to this “fire” that seemed to be more about seeking entertainment by trying to poke holes in someone’s belief system.

Jim’s answers to everything were pretty reasonable – I recall that he stated some practices he engaged in were a matter of tradition and community-building. Later on, I regretted having taken part in this interaction. I didn’t like the approach or attitude of some of my colleagues, who actually seemed to enjoy trying to start a conflict. They questioned in ways that bordered on being disrespectful and antagonistic.

After this interaction, I thought: What was the point? What was anyone trying to accomplish?

Just as Jim had his beliefs, it seemed that most of us had our beliefs about what Mormonism was, and our minds were probably never going to be changed. Neither would Jim’s, obviously - he was born and raised a Mormon, and most of his friends and family were also Mormon.

Again, I come back to the key question – what was the point of this interaction/conflict?

As far as I can tell, the point was that some of my colleagues found it amusing to try to show off their intellect or superiority by looking for holes in the Mormon belief system. It seemed like if they made Jim doubt his beliefs, my colleagues would gain points. In the end, neither side won anything, and they were left at a standstill. This “game” was not very satisfying, and afterward, as I said, I regretted even having been there. One of my other colleagues admitted to me in private that she had felt the same way as me. By being bystanders and idle participants, we felt like we were encouraging it.

I wish more of us would ask ourselves this before seeking or participating in conflicts:

What is the point of this conflict? What can anyone gain from this?

More often than not, here is what you can expect from a conflict:

•       Hurt feelings

•       People making fools of themselves

•      No one changing their minds

•       People believing more firmly in their own beliefs and even less in the opposition

•       Friends becoming enemies

•       A waste of time, as none of your goals, are accomplished

Of course, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that you should avoid all conflicts. Sometimes, you need conflict to learn and grow or come to a common understanding with someone. Other times, if someone brings conflict to you, you may need to defend yourself. But usually, these conflicts are not over deeply held beliefs that you know no one will ever change.

If you want to engage in a conflict that you know you can win with “facts” and “logic,” be aware that your opposition may disagree with your facts, making your logic irrelevant. You can’t win if your opposition refuses to follow your facts and line of reasoning. Then again, the point should not be to win - we’re not talking about high school debate teams. Rather, it should be to come to a common understanding of something. To hopefully do something constructive rather than destructive.

From what I have seen, most of us are more concerned with appearing to be right rather than actually being right. We are not interested in finding facts and then following the objective line of reasoning. We want to find a convenient story that makes us feel good, and we gain points if we make the other side look bad. This increases the divide between us. And ultimately, there will be no winners if we proceed that way. Read here to learn what actually guides human behavior besides reason.

I’m at a point where I want no part in unnecessary conflicts. I find that the vast majority of them are unnecessary. I can’t remember when I had a conflict with anyone (okay, minor squabbles with a spouse or family member do not count). Believe me, I’ve received the invitations into conflict. Someone will invite me into a conflict, and I politely decline.

Sometimes no response is the best response. Feel free to take a moment to stop and take a breath - this will help you to avoid doing something you will regret.

I want to wrap up by saying something about Jim. When I was moving out of the state (a 17-hour drive), Jim was the only person willing to help me on a Saturday at 7 AM to carry all of the things from my house into a moving truck. He happened to be very efficient and helped me to get it done quickly. He told me he had gotten a lot of practice from helping people in his church to move. His willingness to help is something I will never forget. Now when I hear someone question the Mormon belief system, I tell them this.

In the end, it seems that our character and actions speak louder than our privately held beliefs.

Finding the Courage to Challenge Yourself

Allow me to take you back to my middle school years (7th and 8th grades). One day toward the end of the year, teachers began handing out this piece of paper with a checkmark on it. On this paper, they decided whether we would take remedial, regular, honors, or advanced classes in high school.

In English class, the teacher checked off that I should take honors level English classes. Great, no problem.

In Science, the teacher checked off that I should take regular level, science classes. I would admit that I had not performed as well as I should have in 8th-grade science. I hadn’t taken it as seriously as I should have. While I often had a B grade, I was probably only performing about average for the class. After class, I spoke with the teacher, and I told her that I thought I could perform well at the honors level. I wasn’t sure if she was truly convinced, but she went ahead and decided to recommend me for the honors level.  Great.

The last class of the day was Algebra. At the beginning of the class, the teacher handed us our sheets of paper. I was shocked at what I saw. I had to read it over and over until it sank in.

The teacher had checked off that I should take pre-algebra in high school. This was quite a surprise because I had already taken pre-algebra in 7th grade, and I was currently in an algebra class. My grades in algebra were around the B+ level, and I was in the top 30% of the class.

I couldn’t focus on the class anymore at that point. I was sweating profusely. I felt mad at first, but then I felt embarrassed. I figured I had been in the class a full year. If the teacher recommended me for pre-algebra, then I guess this was his professional opinion. I had been hoping to take honors algebra, but that seemed quite unlikely now.

In my mind, I started to come up with reasons as to how the teacher could justify recommending me for pre-algebra. Sometimes I had filled out my homework assignments recklessly, not showing my work properly. My exam scores were decent – so I decided the homework must have been the problem. Or maybe I had done something to offend the teacher personally, and I just never realized it. My mind raced, making up possible reasons to explain how my entire future could be derailed by this.

Whether true or not, I felt that if I took pre-algebra in high school, then my college applications would seem laughable. My credentials would not be competitive enough to get into a good school. Of course, on top of this, I was insulted. The teacher was recommending that I go back to a lower level rather than move forward.

The class was almost over already, and I had gone through all this sweating, a spectrum of emotions, self-doubt, and even self-pity. I was so ashamed at the teacher’s recommendation that I had tucked the sheet of paper in my notebook, not wanting anyone to see it.

The class ended, and students were getting up to leave.

It crossed my mind that I should talk to the teacher, but I was a sweating, nervous mess by that point. I didn’t feel like I could talk to him – I didn’t know what I would even say.

Nonetheless, I needed to know why he was doing this to me. At the last moment, I went up to him with the sheet of paper with his recommendation on it.

In the most deflated way, I mumbled:

“Mr. S, I just wanted you to know that I was actually hoping to take honors algebra next year in high school.”

He glanced down at the sheet of paper I was holding with his recommendation.

“Oh my!” he said, realizing that he had checked off pre-algebra.

“That’s not right at all. Of course, you’ve been doing well enough in the class that I think you should handle honors algebra just fine.”

He crossed out his old recommendation and checked off honors algebra.

It was just a mistake, that was all.

This is a really old story if I’m going way back to middle school. It’s not because I have no other stories for you about courage. But it’s because, at that point in my life, it took a lot for me to talk to an adult directly. As a child, I avoided talking to adults whenever I could. It felt intimidating, and usually, I imagined that they would get whatever they wanted in the end. There was no point in getting into an argument with an adult.

What is interesting to me now is that this took not only courage but that I was actually using my courage to ask to be challenged. I was essentially telling my teachers that I didn’t want an easy ride in high school. I wanted them to push me further. Of course, I wanted to be competitive for college, but I also wanted the intellectual challenge for myself.

I never viewed myself as someone with much courage, but things get interesting when you want something badly enough. When you want it, you become willing to speak up and ask for it.

I see many of us moving away from the challenges, being quite happy to have things easy. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we are performing well in easy situations, but it’s important to push yourself harder, perhaps even to your limits at times. When you push yourself harder and harder, you may find that you are capable of much more than you thought.

The true lesson for me here has been the power of believing in ourselves. Although I struggled to believe in myself, and I almost didn’t say anything to my math teacher, ultimately, I had enough belief in my abilities where I felt the need to speak up.

We shouldn’t just be a leaf in the wind, being pushed this way and that by the forces around us. Rather, we should have some input into where our lives go. When we take our life into our own hands, we learn that what we do matters. Our actions can lead us toward something better or away from it. But if we don’t have the courage to live by our own will, then we may never learn that lesson.

Find the courage in yourself to strive for that challenge so that you may become something better. If you are not being pushed or challenged enough, then ask for it. You do not always need rewards to go along with it. The challenge is worth it for its own sake, to have the chance to grow beyond what you thought you could.

Often our true potential is much, much higher than we think it is. When we find the courage to challenge ourselves, we will begin to take steps that can ultimately lead us to greatness.

The Forces that Pull Us Apart and Make Us Who We Are

In the modern-day, we are pulled apart in many different directions. Religion tells us that a God is looking out for us, with a larger purpose in mind for humanity. Science cannot give us a reason for being here. It can just examine our parts and the nature of matter. Philosophy has shown us many perspectives on thinking and being but has not led us toward a particular direction for the future. History has told us how we got here, but not what we need to change to get where we need or want to be.

The other guiding forces are from our parents, peers, and society. Some people listen more to their parents, and some more to their peers, who could be friends, colleagues, or just the people one happens to be surrounded by for most of the day. Most of us listen somewhat to society, and those who stray too far often end up imprisoned or forgotten.

Often, neither our parents nor our peers quite have things figured out. They are just filling out their roles, as prescribed to them by their parents, peers, or society, informed by their religion, science, philosophies, and histories.

People do not know themselves well. We are told who we are or need to be by our parents, our education system, our society, but we are not led to investigate who we are properly. We are told who we are (or guided into being who others think we should be), and then we become who we were told we were. This may be a false self, created to appease the people around us or society.

As individuals, we are whole universes unto ourselves, as the universe at large does not exist on its own. The universe at large exists as an interplay between the mind and the universe, making the universe what we experience it to be. Another mind of a different sort would fabricate an entirely different universe – for instance, different colors, emotions, intuitions, beliefs, and visual perceptions would completely alter one’s personal universe. I am in my own self-created universe, and you are in your own universe – but of course, they do overlap.

We must ask ourselves how we can move forward as societies when we are pulled apart by different personal universes, beliefs, and messages that do not coalesce on any particular point? Religion pulls us in one direction, science in the other, our peers in another, and our true selves likely in yet another direction. Many of us are being pulled apart from our core. And not only from ourselves but by the people around us too.

It is no wonder that mental illness is so common. Perhaps individuals are not mentally ill, but society, which is pulling us in all directions, has made us this way.

Then we have an ongoing debate in the world about whether we should be led by reason or intuition, our analytical side, or our emotional side. This provides us with another split in the psyche.

Are you man enough or woman enough (or masculine or feminine enough)? People who do not naturally fit their expected roles may be made to feel that something is wrong with them, which of course, harms the psyche.

Then we have ideas of sexuality, in that you are either gay or straight – sure, we acknowledge more types now, but many people still see this as mostly two types of sexuality. So you are one thing or another, which splits the psyche of many people as well. If you are part of both or have different sides, you may not be accepted or understood.

We have race – are you white or not? Are you white enough? Black enough? You are artificially split based on skin tone, or possibly ancestry, even if that skin tone or ancestry may not represent who you are on the inside. Society tells us that to be white, you have to be pure (white from both your parents). Otherwise, you are treated as no longer truly white. A white and black person, for example, is treated as black, as was former President Barack Obama (who has a white mother). Often enough, other races or groups (e.g., Hispanic, Asian, Indian, Native American) are neglected from the general conversation, which could make them feel as if they are not relevant enough.

If you occupy two conflicting groups (as viewed by society) at once, society often decides what you are for you.

We are pressed to be in one of these poles, as the middle ground is often ignored. Are you rational or intuitive? Gay or straight? Black or white? Liberal or conservative? Religious or atheist? These are some examples of the categories of our lives. For every category you are in, there increases the chance that you will hate or be hated by individuals in the other group. We are all in multiple categories, so we all belong in groups that hate or are hated, and we tend to inherit that hate that our groups carry with them. We inherit this hate and are expected to carry it along, or we are treated as if we are not proper members of our group, and our own group will hate us. If that happens, we will be treated as “other” and destined to be forever lost and abandoned.

We grow up with this hatred all around us, and in the hearts of the people closest to us, so it seems normal. In fact, we often end up carrying the hatred (or anger, fear, disgust, etc.) of our ancestors. We inherit this hate and then pass it on to our families, and they pass it on to the next generation. At some point, we must realize that every individual is a member of various groups, and those groups may have longstanding problems with other groups. But there is no reason for us as individuals to absorb so much hatred and then pass it on.

How do we rise above the hatred? We pursue meaningful connections with more people. We pursue open-mindedness, empathy, deep listening, understanding, and we begin to acknowledge the role that our groups or we have played in causing problems. We consider deeply that some of the thoughts or beliefs of people in groups outside our own may be legitimate. At some point, our biases may have led us to believe that they were 100% wrong on everything, even when this is not reflected in reality. Likewise, they may have come to think that we were 100% wrong on everything, even when that was not the case.

One way to rise above all this is to see that we are not our categories. The categories are aspects of us, but they are not us. A book can be hardcover or softcover. It can have a red, blue, or yellow cover. It can have a catchy title or a boring one. There are all kinds of books, but ultimately, what should matter is whether the content inside is true and useful, entertaining, or whatever the objective may be with reading it. Just as with humans, we tend to forget that our personal content, or who we are at our core, is what actually matters, not all the superficial qualities that we happen to exhibit.

We must stop being blinded by the categories that people wear for us to see, often not even by choice. Instead, open your mind and look deeper into their true core of being.

Find Your Inner Truth

The most important thing in life is to always pursue your inner truth.

Life throws much falseness at us. It presents us with false choices such as going along with our parents or against them. How can there be such a thing? If your parents taught you to stand up for yourself and to tell the truth, then if you go along with your inner truth and stand up to them, you are for your parents, even if you are against them, are you not?

Words themselves often present us with falseness. For example, the “mastermind” is a title often given to criminals rather than people who have actually mastered their minds. A person who has truly mastered their mind would never mastermind a horrific crime. This is just one example of the falseness of language.

Why does the truth matter so much? I have noticed in my life that I am happy when I am pursuing my truths. When I am going along with my ethics, beliefs, deep needs (not just survival, but also intellectual and creative), I am happy and feel fulfilled in my life, as if I am on the right path.

When I deny myself, my beliefs, my ethics, then I am in misery. You cannot lie to your true self, as your true self always knows if you lie.

Understand that we live in societies full of falseness.

Corporations are looking for shortcuts to increase their profits while decreasing their expenses, meaning degradation of the product while making it appear to be of higher quality. The ones who best accomplish this are rewarded with greater profits. Politicians who tell the truth about their skills and motives will have the shortest careers. Unfortunately, the more lies they tell us, the more likely they are to have satisfying and full careers. Some musician’s voices are processed through software that helps to perfect the voice quality, regardless if the original musician has any talent or not. Those who make the best use of the software may be more likely to succeed, rather than those with the best singing voices and techniques.

There is much falseness, and we must learn to see it to move beyond it and wake up to the truth.

If asked how we are doing, we are expected not to share our pains but only put on the façade that we are doing well. We must all wear masks that all is well, even if we are dying inside. We smile on the outside and frown on the inside.

Many groups will, of course, argue for their version of the truth. There are the materialists and the spiritualists, the liberals and conservatives, the countries that always seem to be at war with one another and insist they are right and the other is wrong, the majority and minority groups with their quarrels, and so forth. We always argue that we are right, and therefore other groups must be wrong. But in the end, likely everyone has some rightness and some wrongness to their beliefs and behaviors.

You may realize that I refer to truths when they are personal realities for ourselves, but these same truths turn into beliefs when viewed on a grander world platform. My truth may be that war is wrong for me. But to someone else who is forced into perpetual wars even though they hate it, war may be an uncomfortable truth. It cannot be wrong because they did not choose it. To the person sucked into perpetual wars, they would say that I believe that war is wrong.

This is where language provides us with falseness once again. How can truth = belief? Well, even though it seems to be a contradiction, they sometimes do equal the same thing. This is a source of great misery in our lives. The truths which I may hold to be of the highest value may ultimately be my personal beliefs. And someone else in a different circumstance may be right to see my truths as wrong or naïve or even malicious. I do not intend any of my truths to be malicious, but someone else may interpret them in that way if my truths function as an imposition on other people’s truths.

In sticking to your truth, it is important to commit to positive ways of being and seeing that will not add pain to the world. If your truth is based on hatred, then I would urge you to find another way. Find a constructive use of your negative energy if you hold it, and morph it into something positive to help make things better for your people. Making things worse for someone else is unlikely to make things better for yourself in a way that is true to yourself.

The most important thing in life is to find our truth. No one is going to give it to you. The easy-made truths of following an ideology, a leader, a parent, and so on can give us a starting point. But it is not always best to go with what is conveniently in front of you. Of course, if you are happy and fulfilled with what you have, it makes sense to stick with it. If you find yourself questioning and doubtful, and unhappy, it could make sense to explore other truths outside of the ones you have been exposed to.

In the end, I believe that we select our truths. As an example, one society may believe that thieves should have their hand cut off. They will justify this by showing that thieves can no longer steal so easily when they are missing a hand, making the rest of society happy. We end up justifying the truths we select for ourselves - if we cut off hands, we have fewer thefts, meaning that we can continue to justify this course of action.

Another society may say that the punishment is too strict. If we punish them that way, will we punish all minor crimes with such violence, leaving much of society mangled and feeling bitter and hateful? This society does not cut off hands and instead tries to help poor people so that they do not feel pressured into stealing. They implement this course of action, and it leads to fewer thefts. So again, they continue to justify this course of action.

No matter which course of action we take, if it is based on deeply held beliefs, then we will probably find a way to justify viewing it as a success and wanting to continue in that direction.

We justify our beliefs and truths to ourselves every day. So every day that goes by, our truths seem truer than ever. And anyone who disagrees seems more wrong than ever.

Our minds want to see one pathway as correct, making all other pathways incorrect – but perhaps this assumption is itself false. There may be multiple competing truths and some statements or paths which are more true than others.

Most of humanity’s misery is one group looking at a coin on its side and shouting that it is heads, and the other group looking at it and shouting that it is tails. Both groups are right from their own vantage point but fail to realize that the other side is also right. Then, both groups fight over their truth and belittle each other to get the other group to understand their viewpoints, which makes things worse.

We should trust others to know what is true for them and stop imposing our truths onto them. Tell others what your truth is, without expecting them to follow you. And allow others to tell you their truth, but do not feel pressured into following it.

If I were to search for some basic truths, they would be as such: Treat others as you want to be treated. Do not harm anyone – it is most important to avoid physical harm, although, of course, we should avoid verbal abuse or emotional abuse as well. Do good deeds when you can, to whoever you can – such as helping someone survive or accomplish their goals.

The above truths are nothing new – many religions and philosophies point to some basic truths. And many of those truths overlap with each other. Obviously, basically, everyone agrees that to kill is wrong and to steal is wrong. And even these basic truths may have their exceptions. Many people would agree that to kill in self-defense or in defense of loved ones is acceptable. And to steal food when you are starving can also be viewed as acceptable.

Our task is to explore ourselves deeply to find what our inner truths are. What are the truths that we must actualize in our lives to feel whole? I recently spoke with a music lover who told me he had no access to music nor to learning it and that he was faced with the choice of finding a well-paying job or being a bad and poor musician. But our deepest inner truth isn’t just an abstract concept. It is who we are. Your deepest truths are an expression of who you are.

If music is in your soul, to deny yourself music is to deny yourself to yourself. It is to allow falseness in your life. Every day when someone asks how you are, and you say “fine,” then you are a liar because you are never fine since you do not have music. Choosing a paying job or music is a false dichotomy once again. You don’t have to choose. You can pursue both. You can pursue a solid job that involves music somehow (even if it is only in the background) and then pursue learning music on your own time. You can even play on the streets to earn extra income.

What are the most important truths of your life? Focus on the convergence of your thoughts, words, needs, desires, and actions. When your thoughts are in one place and actions in another, you are not living your truth. Do not lie to yourself.

If you privately think that it is wrong to curse, but you allow people to curse around you all day long without saying anything, then you are not living your truth. You may take a stand for yourself and tell the people around you that this makes you uncomfortable, and you want a respectful environment. Importantly, you should not impose your truth on them but rather state your perceptions. Either that or you change your view that perhaps cursing is not worth raising a fuss over every time.

Perhaps you focus your truth elsewhere. You may decide to look for a positive thing to comment on about the people you find a negative flaw. Every time you hear someone curse, you may look for something to compliment them on. This may be a middle path where you guide people in your life away from cursing – by shifting their attention to something positive rather than directly asking them not to curse. This may be wiser, as it is often more fruitful to ask people to do something than ask them not to do something.

Following your inner truth is the most important thing you can do.

However, this can be a challenge, as it is easier to go with the flow and allow our surroundings to guide our behavior. Your family will have its own rules, written and unwritten, then your company has different rules, written and unwritten. Your government has rules, of course, and so does your religion, if you have one. It is easier to go with the flow and follow the rules than to stop and think about them and realize that perhaps your personal truths do not always converge with those other rules.

And here we have the choice or the question of our lives. Will we adopt the rules handed to us, without thought, and mindlessly follow them? Will we assume that the rules are all there for a reason and abide by them? Our lives are, of course, filled with endless rules. Every time you access a new forum online or download a new app or piece of software, you may be urged to sign a 100-page document of rules. Even the people who write these Terms & Conditions do not expect you to read them, of course. It is all intended as legal protection for them.

Please do not get distracted by the rule books that dominate our lives. It is easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed and decide that the rules do not matter. Everyone has rules, and they often conflict. Yes, some agencies have gone overboard with their rules. Ironically, there are so many rules in modern society that most people don’t know what they are and don’t care. We only find out a rule, often, when we are being punished for not following it. Then we are always told that ignorance of the rules does not excuse us from them. We should have read the 100-page rule book, apparently. Or likely, thousands of pages when it comes to national, state, and local laws and regulations.

As strange as it may be, I would suggest that you form your own personal rule book of truths that you follow. We should all have this book of personal truths. The key question is, “What is my truth”? If you do not know your own truth, then you cannot live by it. If you don’t know your own truth, you cannot scrutinize it. And if you can’t scrutinize it, then you will stunt your growth as a person.

You may be living in falseness if you have never consciously thought through your life and core truths.

In time, your truths become your way of being. If one of your truths is that small matters in life should not cause you to blow up in anger, then reminding yourself of this will help you actualize it.

A truth I find important is that we should be more aware of ourselves and our surroundings. Every day, I see people walking into the streets, absorbed with their phones. I feel that this is a tragedy waiting to happen. People are so absorbed with their phones that they forget to check for oncoming traffic. They are much more likely to entrust their life to a green light or “walk” sign, forgetting that drivers often neglect these rules. My truth is that every moment of every day, something critical to our lives may be about to happen. If you are not looking, you could miss the most important moment of all. Bad people with bad intentions rely on good people who are completely unaware of what they are doing. Also, children get into trouble when no adult present is aware of that child.

A strange thought that I have sometimes is that someone in my vicinity could be in big trouble, and they may be waiting for me to notice it. For example, what if you are in a pool having fun, and while you are distracted, a child is drowning in the shallow end, and there is no lifeguard? What if there is a “missing child” poster, and you later see that missing child by chance, but you were not paying enough attention?

Imagine if we were put in the position to save a life every day, and we had never realized it. A depressed friend may call you today, but absorbed in his own falseness, he may insist that everything is fine. If you do not read through the signs of despair carefully, that his tone of voice is defeated, that he has just lost his job and the right to see his kids, then you will not be fully aware and present and able to help him. Put aside the falseness, and see through the falseness, and you may find that you will save a life today.

One of the greatest truths must be that what we do matters, as it impacts ourselves and everything around us somehow. And so, this reality must be important in some way if it is part of the collective truth that we are all living in. Then this means that we should work to help each other in this reality. We should give ourselves more to this real-world and stop escaping as much into the world of the phone and the screen, and social media. These tools of escape often drive us further from the truth. There are surely some good resources online, but we tend to spend most of our time on the most superficial parts of the online world, such as social media posts that manipulate our emotions and fill us with falseness. Most of the media, online and offline, seems to have an agenda, to teach us what it wants us to think. Rather than accepting what is given to us as truth, we must form our own basic truths and stop being swayed like a leaf by the winds of superficiality.

I would caution you not to adopt someone else’s truth so easily. Many people or agencies want to teach us to hate someone or something. If someone teaches us to hate their competitors, it gives them time to rise to power. Also, it shifts attention away from the source’s possible incompetence or deceptiveness. Hate is used as a tool to gain money and power. But you do not need to be an instrument of hate and should instead pursue your personal truth to gain personal power so that you can nullify hate and the negative energies in this life.

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If you liked this post, you may want to read this post next - The Path to a True and Fruitful Life - where I discuss the most impactful truths that I have found in my life.

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If you are ready to pursue your unique path to truth and understanding, you may wish to read Your Personal Truth: A Journey to Discover Your Truth, Become Your True Self, & Live Your Truth.

You can read the book on Amazon and other major retailers.