Strive for Loving Relationships, and Avoid the Toxic Ones
Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.
Generally, relationships should be based on love, acceptance, and understanding, which is good and healthy. However, they can sometimes be based on distrust, dissatisfaction, and a lack of understanding, which is not good and healthy. We have to learn to attract good kinds of relationships and to avoid bad ones.
Think about who is in your life the most, from day to day. This will probably include people you live with, whether your parents, spouse, children, or possibly roommates. Some of your close relationships may also be with your coworkers or with superiors at work. These relationships tend to be very important because we spend a lot of time with these people, meaning that they can have a greater influence over us.
Be cautious if you find yourself surrounded by people who are insensitive to your needs. They may belittle you, be sarcastic, attack you verbally or even physically, actively get in the way of your pursuits, start intense arguments with you, and so forth. Depending on the frequency and intensity of these, they can create a toxic environment for you.
Something to be aware of is that healthy relationships have issues too. Don’t worry that if you have an intense argument with someone, this automatically means the relationship is toxic. This isn’t necessarily the case. The problem is when you feel drained and agonize over interactions with certain people. Keep in mind that in some families or some relationships, arguments may be a normal part of life, and it can be an effect of personalities that clash but who still care for each other. In fact, some people may have a way of bonding through their arguments. The issue is if someone becomes distraught through chronic arguments. If such a thing occurs often, we may have a toxic relationship that needs repair.
If you have found yourself holding all of your thoughts inside and becoming resentful to keep the peace, you should realize that this isn’t the best path either. In some cases, it is reasonable to disagree with someone and possibly even to argue. I will ask that you consider the middle path. Do not always argue, and do not always hold in your feelings and keep them to yourself. Perhaps the best option is to state how you feel without needing to argue about it. Be who you are and hold your own viewpoints, and allow others to be who they are. Some people get intensely argumentative because they ultimately wish to control others, and people, of course, cannot be controlled so easily.
Note that if you find yourself in an overly toxic environment that harms you, you should consider leaving that environment if possible. This may involve stopping an activity, changing your workplace, or even changing homes. The more drastic the choice would be, the more deeply you should consider if it is truly worth it to leave the environment or if there is another way to repair the situation. For instance, if you have an issue with a sibling, discussing the matter with another family member could help. Or, if you have an issue with a fellow worker, discussing this with your employer could help.
Even if you are not contributing to the toxicity in any way, you will suffer through everyday exposure to it. For this reason, you may consider leaving such environments even when it is not your fault.
Remember this: Allow others to be who they are, and be who you are. You do not need to agree with everyone, and everyone does not need to agree with you.
7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.
