Sometimes I wake up during the night, and my mind is thinking about a variety of things going on in my life. I don’t always feel in control of it – the thoughts go on and on, from one concern to the next.

What is the commonality of all the thoughts I have? They all relate to me in some way.

Even if I am thinking of someone else, it is still about my perception of who they are, and usually, the people I think about directly influence my life somehow. My family members are like extensions of me (or I am an extension of them), so it doesn’t quite feel like a selfless act if I think of them.

No matter what or who I think about, I usually monitor if this person or thing brings me happiness, helps me succeed or provides me peace or valuable knowledge. My mind naturally seems to think: What is in it for me? Maybe this is not always a conscious thought, but I suspect most of us have it and make many of our decisions based on this.

By the nature of having a mind, and thoughts, and a single perspective all of the time, our thoughts tend to revolve around ourselves. Our thoughts make us the center of the universe. Everything that happens either affects us, which means it matters or does not affect us, and so it doesn’t seem to matter so much. It either makes our lives better, or it makes it worse.

So the mind is attracted to things that help the mind and the body it inhabits. This makes sense.

Most people I know are very focused on their journey to improving their own lives. However, it’s important that on this journey, we do not forget about everyone else. Some people are stuck: they don’t have the resources or a support system, or they lack self-confidence, or they may just be overwhelmed by the problems of their own lives. We should not forget about them.

I think it’s important that we sometimes humble ourselves. We need reminders that the universe is not here just for us alone. Whether something helps me or not is important to me personally, but that doesn’t mean it is of the highest universal importance.

On a universal scale, what do I matter? What do you matter?

We do matter, of course, but if every action in your life is built toward improving yourself and making yourself happier, richer, having fun experiences, and living conveniently, then are you living out your universal purpose?

It seems that we have a personal purpose, and then the universe has its own separate purpose. The personal purpose deals with making things better for ourselves as individuals. The universal purpose deals with making things better for the universe.

These are interdependent forces.

Often, the better you make things for yourself, the better the universe becomes too. But not always. And the better the universe becomes, usually the better you become as an individual. But not always.

We must look for ways to grow as individuals that also promote the growth of those around us (or of the universe).

When I was much younger, I was not so concerned with the growth of everyone around me. I wanted to grow, and that was my only true focus. But I started to observe that sometimes when people go down this path of doing what helps just themselves and disregarding everyone else, we end up with horrible outcomes.

If we are only self-focused, we can justify doing horrible things to other people as long as it helps us personally. And that is not the type of world I want to live in. I don’t need to elaborate with examples. Just read the news or scroll down your social media feeds. Many of the massive negative impacts in the world happen because someone or groups of people were so self-focused that they did not care how many people were hurt along the way.

It was not meant to be that way.

Nature intended for us to plant an apple tree, and then the apples would nourish many stomachs. Then other people would plant more apple trees, and the pattern would repeat. Somehow today, it seems more common to plant an apple tree, chop down all the rest, and sell the apples for a greater profit.

Let’s take a moment to self-reflect a bit. Are we truly helping to make things better for all or just for ourselves?

If we find that all our actions only help ourselves, we should consider more deeply what we can do to make things better on a grander scale, for more people, more beings.

When we find that we are very self-focused, what can we do?

We can humble ourselves.

We can learn to give more attention to the world at large, to the universe at large. We can learn to see ourselves as just a small part of this grand whole. I heard once that love is just giving our full attention to something. If your attention is always on yourself, then you love yourself. But can we spread some of that love and attention to the whole universe? I believe it is possible.

And if you love the universe, you love yourself anyway. You are part of the universe.

How exactly can we humble ourselves?

I suggest that you learn a new language and eventually travel to a country that speaks the language. Learning a language is a great skill to develop, of course, but at this moment, I’m not concerned with how to pad the resume. The purpose here is to humble ourselves. Trying to learn and speak a foreign language is very challenging, and it is very humbling. And we should seek to be humbled more often.

Spanish is my second language. And I would guess that I speak it better than 80% or more of people who speak it as a second language. As I grew up around Spanish speakers, I took Spanish classes for years, and I even lived in Mexico for a few years.

Yet, I still feel humbled and not so sharp when I am around nothing but native Spanish speakers. In Spanish, my thoughts and words come out much more slowly. I have to think to make sure I get the grammar and pronunciation right and to get the meaning across that I wished to. Sometimes people speak too quickly, and I struggle to keep up.

Even though my Spanish is good, going to a Spanish-speaking country is always humbling for me.

As another example, I lived in France for two years, and my French is very basic. Having an actual conversation is very difficult for me. Often, I will know a word, but people speak too fast, and I may not understand what they mean. Or it takes me too much time to understand what a collection of words actually mean as a whole phrase, even if I know the meanings of the individual words.

When I was living in Paris, I went to a government office to make a payment. I had just moved there, so I could not understand what the cashier was telling me. She kept repeating, “Règlement! Règlement!” She was getting agitated, even though I had already told her that I did not speak French. Her body language indicated that she could not believe how dumb I was not to understand her. Later, I realized that she was asking me how I wanted to pay.

These experiences are humbling to struggle to communicate with the people around you. It teaches you that perhaps you are not as important as you thought. And for many of us, this could be a good thing.

When learning a language, you will be like a child again. You will struggle to think through basic ideas. People may even treat you like a child, slowing down when they talk, perhaps even pointing at things to bring your attention to them. They may act as if you are not smart enough to understand certain ideas. They may avoid you.

My experience in every country I’ve traveled to has overall been positive. I don’t view these struggles as a negative thing. Being humbled is a very positive experience in the end. I wish more of us had the opportunity to be humbled.

When you travel, other things to keep in mind are that your culture, customs, and social habits will be the strange ones. In Paris, for example, you are expected to greet almost everyone – so shop clerks, colleagues, and so on. Usually, this is done with “Bonjour.” If you don’t do this, it is viewed as rude. And hugging is not common – usually, for friends or close relationships, they do two kisses on the cheeks.

This is humbling, too, to find that your way of life is not necessarily normal or common everywhere you go.

By the way, if you want to bypass the need to learn a language to humble yourself, there are other routes. If you have the opportunity to attend an event or meet up with people in a different field from yours, do it. If they are advanced enough in their fields and you have little enough knowledge of it, you will feel as if they are speaking a foreign language. You will feel very far behind, but this is good. This is humbling.

Otherwise, help someone at a level below you, even if there is nothing in it for you. Spend a bit of time reflecting on other people’s lives. What struggles are they going through? Don’t assume that you know the one right way to do everything. Give the people around you a chance to show you their way of doing things. When you catch yourself doing something to make yourself feel better or look better, ask if you can do something to help someone else instead. Don’t take all the credit for yourself when you have a big win – give thanks or praise to those who helped you get there.

To humble ourselves is to provide ourselves with a simple reminder:

We are not the center of the universe.

There is much more going on out there that is bigger than us, and that is certainly bigger than our self-focused thoughts, and that is bigger than our wishes for success, happiness, and so on. Our personal purpose is important, of course, but the universe also has its own purpose in store for us.

Meet your personal purpose. Work toward it every day. Fulfill your mind, heart, and soul. But do not forget your universal purpose along the way.

The universe wants you to be better, not just for yourself, but so that you can help the rest of the universe along the way too.

As part of your life’s journey, you should see yourself as one part of the universe that is there to help other parts of the universe (e.g., the people and life around you) to fulfill its universal journey.