Often, the assumption is that being happy or positive is easy. Common advice would be that you can just do something fun, exercise, or spend time with loved ones. Then, you will be more positive.

And there is some truth to that.

However, when times are tough, it isn’t always easy to see the bright side. Sometimes, it may seem easier to sink into darkness…

But it’s important to remember that we always have a choice: Light or dark, good or bad, positive or negative?

Maybe you aren’t used to thinking that positivity is a choice. Perhaps you have felt that positive and negative things happen in life. When good things happen, it’s natural to feel positive. Then, when bad things happen, of course, many of us feel negative.

But despite how much good or bad is in your life, you can choose to see the positive side at any time. You have this power.

What motivated this post? Over the past few months, a question has popped up again and again in the lives of people around me:

How can we be happy or positive when there is so much negativity happening around us?

The underlying thought process I’ve observed in many people goes something like this:

Life is hard. So much bad stuff is happening. What is the point in even trying to see the positive if all of this negative stuff keeps happening and weighing me down?

I’d like to go over a few examples of how I’ve seen this struggle to be positive play out in different people.

 

Example 1: Droning on About the Negatives

A friend sent me an email where he shared a long list of his personal struggles and was quite upset at some of the financial difficulties he had faced in his business. But toward the bottom of his email, he mentioned that he was actually acquiring more clients than ever, and on the path to making much more money than he’d made in the past. Despite any struggles or stresses he had, any time that he needed money for his business, he found a way to get it.

His focus was on the negative, yet after I finished reading about his whole situation,  I wondered: Why was the focus on his “struggle” and “money problems,” when in reality, he seemed to be on a wonderful path that quite a few entrepreneurs would likely envy?

Consider this: When we have many positive things happening in our lives and just a few negative ones, why do we let those negative ones drag us down? It doesn’t make much sense to feel negative when most of your life is going positively, does it?

Something that can help us to consciously focus on the positive side is to list out all the positives in our lives, and then at the end, list out the few negatives. This can be done in a list we keep for ourselves to keep perspective, or we can also do this if we want to share how our life is going with a friend. We can also make an effort to come up with more and more positives to add to our list.

But often, people do the opposite, right?

They provide a list of all the pain points and complaints, almost forgetting all the good that they have in front of them.

Ultimately, we have to practice our gratitude. Take a minute to be grateful for how much positivity is in your life, rather than allowing yourself to feel upset or anxious about a few things that didn’t go as you had hoped.

 

Example 2: But… My Life is Actually Negative

A reader told me that her life had been too difficult to comprehend the level of positivity she found in my newest book, Awaken the Starlight Within. What some readers may not realize is one of the key motivations for writing this book was my own repeated struggle with seeing the positive.

In the past (over a decade ago), I fell into a void of darkness that I felt would be impossible to escape, but ultimately, I did.

Personally, I don’t think the book is “too positive,” as I aimed to capture some of the complexities and realities of life, not give a superficial positive spin on things.

Regardless of her impressions of Starlight, apparently, her repeated negative life experiences and hardships had made her give up on the idea of positivity.

In this case, I don’t believe that falling into a state of negativity or a life of negative expectations and outcomes could be the right approach. In fact, I’ve gone through similar feelings as her in the distant past, that “positivity isn’t worth it” or “I’m just a negative person because my life is negative,” and each time, I’ve come out seeing the light of positivity, deciding that it was better to feel uplifted rather than dragged down.

In the end, we decide — do we respond negatively to life’s hardships or positively?

Do we become embittered by negative experiences and spread that into the world, or do we make the effort to see the positive no matter the situation and spread that instead?

While I don’t know this reader especially well, I am aware that she has suffered through some major hardships in her life. But with that said, she is a highly capable person who has generally performed at a very high level.

Regardless of how tough things get in life, if we get sucked into negativity, then we go through life expecting bad things to happen, and in a sense, we end up creating negative outcomes for ourselves.

A quick example would be someone who goes to a job interview already certain they will make a bad impression and not get a job offer. Then they don’t bother to prepare, dress professionally, or take the interview seriously, and of course, they do not get the job offer. Understand that by feeling that we know a negative outcome will occur, we tend to make it happen.

Rather, an immense power we have is to focus on positive things that could happen and then consciously choose to make them happen. A negative person tends to foresee problems, difficulties, and failures. But what if you use some of your visualization powers to foresee all the solutions, positivity, and success that can happen instead? (The negative and positive can work together for some positive benefit, but the point is not to get stuck in negativity.)

 

Example 3: Small Negatives Ruin Your Mood

I took a taxi ride late at night, and toward the end of the ride, the driver had to take a narrow road that had many bars nearby. As he drove, some younger people were walking in the middle of the street, oblivious, and the driver had to wait for them to move out of the way. He reacted somewhat impatiently and bitterly, telling me, “See what I have to deal with every day?”

I couldn’t help but think that pedestrians on the road were fairly common, especially since we were close to some bars and it was night. To me, it didn’t seem like a real issue, but I suppose to the driver, he felt that he was being slowed down and ultimately making a bit less money.

This example seems so minimal that it almost isn’t worth mentioning, right? (The trip was literally slowed down by 5 or 10 seconds. That was it.)

And actually, that is the reason I decided it was worth mentioning. When something so minimal or trivially negative happens, it’s probably best to let it go. We don’t need to add energy to it, allowing it to drag down our day.

This example ends up serving as a reminder that it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing a minor negative event as bigger than it needs to be. Every time this driver encounters a pedestrian or cyclist that slows him down a bit, he remembers all the people that get in his way on a daily basis, and likely, he falls into a negative mood.

Rather than getting hung up on small negativities, these are great opportunities to practice letting things go. Also, we can put such events in perspective and understand that if such a minor thing is irritating us, then that means life as a whole must be going pretty well.

Another way to keep such minor issues in perspective may be to practice empathy. In this example, these young people were just enjoying a night out, and they were not blocking the road on purpose. They likely just didn’t expect traffic to come through late at night. From their perspective, we were probably interrupting their fun conversation, even if for just a moment.

 

Example 4: Nothing But Bad News

Recently, I went out with a group of friends whom I had not seen in years, and I was surprised that much of our conversations gravitated toward terribly negative life situations that they or people close to them were going through. Someone was facing unemployment, a long-term marriage was breaking up, or a loved one was very ill. Even institutionalization for mental health reasons and a rising wave of criminal activity found their way into the conversation.

I couldn’t help but wonder why we were fixated on some challenging life situations when we were given the perfect opportunity to also catch up on all the good that life had offered us. Yet most of our time was spent on the bad rather than the good.

For the negative topics that were being brought up, none of us could actually do anything about them. The reality was that most of us were going through intense or especially challenging life situations, or if not us, then some of our loved ones were going through it. But recreating these issues or focusing on them wasn’t accomplishing anything.

The topic of sharing our life issues or problems with friends and loved ones may be a bit tricky. When we are struggling, and we need some form of support from someone, then it makes sense to share. But if we find ourselves exchanging bad news with friends, taking turns unloading negativity, at some point, we have to wonder why we are hung up on life problems.

It can help to stop and ask:

Are we looking for a way to see the light of positivity and create a better way for ourselves and the people we love, or are we just sinking into despair, excuses, and reasons to stay stuck?

If you find yourself in a situation where loved ones are going on about negative life situations, you may look for ways to shift the focus. For instance, you could congratulate the person on any positive action they have taken to help counteract the negative event in their life. Or you may mention new positive opportunities that have come up in their lives, even through a dark life event.

As with the prior examples, we would be better served to practice gratitude, focusing on the positive happening in our lives, changing our perspective to be able to see the good in the bad, and aiming to visualize and create more positive realities.

 

Understand Negativity, So You Can Choose Positivity

To be able to choose positivity, it’s important to understand negativity more deeply. Below, I’ll mention some key features of negativity that will help you to focus more on the positive side of life.

Some of this was already mentioned above, but I believe it’s worth highlighting these particular points.

Negativity can fuel us into doing something positive, as we aim to counteract that negative force.

Example: If you know someone who is sick and needs help, then you can offer help and attempt to make their life better. Often, something negative comes in the form of a problem that we may have some power to help fix. If you take this perspective, negativity can actually help to fuel positivity. So even negativity itself is not all bad.

Remember: Any negative event is an opportunity to choose positivity. You always have the power to take actions that will make a positive impact.

Negativity can put all the positive things happening in our lives into perspective.

Example: If you sprained your ankle and it will take a few weeks to recover, then you can take a moment to be grateful for all the rest of your body that is still in good working order. And you can feel positive knowing that you are healthy enough so that you will recover from this without any permanent problems.

Remember: When something negative happens, it is an opportunity to remember all the positive things that have happened. Rather than getting stuck on a negative event, you can choose to shift your attention to some of the good things happening.

We can use negativity as a test, to help us see that we don’t need to turn a minor negative event into something bigger.

Example: If someone is rude to you, you don’t need to let this ruin the rest of your day. Instead, you can view this as an opportunity to practice your positivity.

Remember: You can choose to see any minor negativity in your day as a test, to help you become a more positive person. If you practice this daily, you will find yourself feeling positive and peaceful much more often.

Occasional venting of negative emotions or feelings can help.

Example: If you have recently gone through a breakup or any other major challenge, it may feel natural to want to unload some of your troubles or emotions onto a friend who is willing to listen.

Remember: If this “venting” becomes a normal, everyday habit, then it’s not so much venting as it is getting sucked into a negative way of seeing life.

You can choose to vent if it helps you to feel better or if you are open to hearing potential solutions. However, if you are venting or dwelling on negative situations daily, you can see this for what it is, take a step back from your constant negativity, and begin to shift your attention toward the positive.

I’ll share a quick relevant story: A close friend recently went through multiple crises at her workplace, where she would receive awful news every week. And this became a vicious cycle, where major problems at her workplace became routine. The advice I gave was to allow herself to feel as she needed and to vent as much as she felt inclined to, but not to allow these workplace crises to ruin the week/weekend. She could have one evening to go through it, and then I would challenge her to move on. She recently revealed to me that on top of all the workplace crises, she was going through personal ones as well, and the advice to put a limit on venting and negative emotions was especially helpful for her. If you tend to vent longer than is healthy, you may try this out as well.

 

Final Thoughts

I hope you understand now that it’s a choice to be positive.

It isn’t always easy to be positive, but when the choice is positivity or negativity, the positive path is the worthy one.

Fortunately, every bad event, problem, or stressful situation of our lives is just an opportunity to strengthen our ability to be positive in the face of negativity.

Interestingly, with the consistent practice of looking at the bright side or being positive, you can learn to see a negative event as a chance to become even more positive.

When you are ready:

You can see the light through the darkness and even become a source of that light in the world.

Then, with every word, step, and action, your light will spread.

I encourage you to choose positivity and take positive actions, which is how we will create better and more fruitful lives. After all, does the alternative make any sense?

I have one last question for you: What will you do today to push yourself to be more positive, even if times are tough (or easy)?

If you’re interested in further tips on how to stay positive, you won’t want to miss another post I made - How to Stay Positive (10 Tips)

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The title is – Awaken the Starlight Within: Heartfelt Wisdom to Reveal Your Personal Power – scroll down all the way for an opportunity to get a free copy.